World of Mystery and Magical

Author: Skygals
Title: World of Mystery and Magical
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/skybreeze/
Reviewed by: Keleos

First Impressions
Title ~ 7/10
The title is definitely catchy. It’s catchy because it’s different from the others, nestled amongst the other fics that refer to relationships that spell out the plot before the story even begins. This would have caught my eye if it were stuck in a long list of fanfics that I was supposed to review, and it’s something I would have started off first. J It spells a fic that could be potentially interesting and exciting at the same time.

Yet again, you earned an 7 because Magical seems to be a little…grammatically wrong? I’m not sure if that’s done on purpose, but it blocks the magic that the title should be expelling. 8 for an effective, interesting title that caught my eye. J

Posters & background ~ 10/10
All I can say about the poster is… wow. It captures all three elements of the story (that, according to your foreword), the titular characters from the East, the Hogwarts students and the school itself, where the story’s set. And it’s so beautiful as well (not to mention that Edison Chen is one hell of a hottie *g*)! I love the way it blends into the black background. And yes, I’m not a fan of background pictures as well, so a solid black background definitely earns a big nod from me. J And the words are all in wonderful colours as well.

Foreword ~ 9/10
The story starts off interestingly. I like the way the whole thing starts off. The “cold, snowy night” beginning is far from clichéd, but in fact the simplicity works very well for the whole thing. J It doesn’t get full score because the foreword was a little too confusing, and if I weren’t a reviewer, it might have put me off enough not to give the rest of the fic a chance. But nevertheless, it’s a good first start. J

Upon closer examination…
Storyline/plotting ~ 9.5/15
The storyline seems to be going along just fine, and developing quite nicely too! It’s not completed yet, but I can see that it’s going to get really exciting, especially since the whole thing is set in a magical kingdom – it gives you a lot of freedom to experiment with different things, as well as have as imaginative a plot as you want. Kudos to that!

I have a slight problem with the sequence of events though. It seems that events keep jumping out, just out of the blue, without any form of foreshadowing. It occurred when the fact that the trio are there for a reason is a revealed (previously I thought that they were there, just like any other student) and also when Edison goes to look for Gillian in the forest (it seemed that her sadness was a sudden thing. I’m not sure if it was supposed to be that way, but it seems rather sudden). Also, the linking is a little problematic. Chapter 13 and 14 exemplifies that, because there’s no link between the events in 13 and 14. It makes the story seem disjointed, which is a real pity.

Cast used ~ 4/5
I like the Edison-Gillian pairing a lot. It’s so sweet, and they look so good together. Actually, the whole cast looks really good! The only gripe I have about the story is that there’re too many characters, with alternating names (like you said in the foreword, it’s a tad confusing already). But as the story moves along, the reader gets used to the characters, and the oddness about having Hong Kong stars in Hogwarts, so that’s fine after a while. Another plus point. I initially did not like the idea of having a Alternate Universe fic like the one you wrote, but you worked the cast in such a way that the whole thing becomes very natural, which is really great!

Language ~ 6/10
I’m prissy about spelling and grammar, so you really must forgive this. Spelling, on the whole, is accurate and good, so I won’t find fault in that. But grammar, on the other hand, throws up a bit of a challenge here and there. Stuff like “a black eye at his eyes” (Chapter 14) and “Especially when she’s Lucius Malfoy apple of the eye!” (Chapter 9). Also, watch the syntax of some of the speech to prevent it from becoming too colloquial. Remember that you’re still in Hogwarts, so you’ve got to make it sound like they’re all in there, and not in a normal, Taiwanese/Singaporean/Malaysian school. J

Readability ~ 4/5
It’s readable, save for a few slip ups here and there. In general, not many problems here. J

Overall feel… So far.
Creativity of the story ~ 11/15
The fic definitely scores high on creativity because it allows the mashing of both East and West. That’s already and interesting idea. I’ve read some fics that use the same concept, but very few have managed it comfortably. But as I’ve said earlier, you’ve managed to pull it off. So congrats!

I can’t give you a full score here because the whole plot isn’t really fully developed yet, even after you’ve written 15 chapters. Granted that the chapters are short, but since 15 chapters is rather long already, the whole plot should be already made known to the readers. It isn’t a full score because I haven’t seen all the pairings and the full plot, so I can’t really judge yet.

Overall enjoyment ~ 11/20
You score rather lowly in this section because the overall enjoyment factor is there. The fic is definitely novel in its concept, the fact that it composes of the mashing of the two civilisations. But in enjoyment, we’re talking about the X factor that gives the story its extra bite. In this one, I only see the concept as the one that stands out, and the rest just fail to impress very much. L The relationships between the characters seem rather promising at the beginning, but it doesn’t continue to develop, and the whole thing falls into something that is rather bland and clichéd. The storyline shows interesting elements, but it’s not really completed, so I can’t judge for it just yet.

The fic shows a lot of promise, but it doesn’t work on that potential to make it a truly outstanding fic.

Overall review scoring: 71.5/100 J