Title: 我们说好的 [The Promise]
Author: by ZeNd
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lucifera/
Reviewed by: Keleos
First Impressions
Title ~ 9/10
I feel awfully ashamed for putting this story off before I watched the music video. On first impression, the title is clichéd and terribly common amongst all the fics. It doesn’t stand out at all, and the fact that there is a Chinese title next to the English one made me a little confused, because I wasn’t sure which language this one was in. BUT! Upon watching the video, I AGAIN had the misconception that the fic was going to be based entirely on the plot in the video, which, again, I was wrong. The video, together with the first chapter and foreword puts the whole thing in perspective, and I’d say, well done for the title. It’s very meaningful.
Posters & background ~ 6/10
The poster is a little weird for a story that is so emotional, and the green background with the two characters doesn’t capture what the story is about. It’s effective, yes, but nothing more than that. In fact, if we were to look at the poster only, I suppose a reader might think it’s a sci-fi fic instead? Not very good for the fic. Kudos to the solid background, though, but the colour of the text makes things a little more difficult. Red makes it overly angst, and it cuts off the emotional, pining side of the whole fic.
Foreword ~ 8/10
The first chapter is an introduction, which doesn’t set the plot. But no matter for this fic! It’s a good start, because it sets the video in perspective, like I said earlier. Good job! But… perhaps you might want to put a note there for people to look at the MV before reading the fic. Before you watch it and after you watch it, things really become different.
Upon closer examination…
Storyline/plotting ~ 9/15
The story is a bit patchy; maybe it’s because you’re trying to put together alternating timelines into one story, making the whole expression rather convoluted. The story started out fine, but the second chapter made me a little confused as to where the main plot actually lies. SungMin’s plan appears out of the blue, there’s the high school story, and there’s the love element between Jae and BoA. Which makes the whole thing rather messy. I’m not sure, but your footnotes at the bottom betray a lack of planning, or maybe it’s because you changed plans along the way? But overall, it gives a feeling of a lack of focus for your storyline.
On the plus side, though, the later chapters are getting better, and the plot is getting more defined. I guess it’s really about managing the various plotlines, and it’s starting to show, so yay! JJJ
Cast used ~ 4/5
I’m not really into Korean pairings, but what I can say about this fic is that all the relationships seem pretty realistic to me. They seem as if they can truly happen in real life. Maybe it’s because I’m not too sure as to what the real actors and singers are like, so it’s much easier for me to see where you’re coming from for each of their personalities. And yes, they’re all very interesting. Each of your cast has a defined personality of his or her own, and that’s really something that shines out. J
Language ~ 4/10
If there’s anything I’ve got to fault you on, it’s the language. You’ve made certain comments about your grammar as well, so I just you’re aware. J The thing is, reading a piece like this, which is on the emotional side, yet not being able to read it with proper language, makes is a real pity. So I guess… L
Readability ~ 4/5
It’s clear for the style, and there isn’t any confusion as to who’s doing what and talking when. So, yay! Only gripe is the [____POV] thing that you use. It breaks the flow of the story a bit, and disrupts the whole thing. But just a bit. J
Overall feel… So far.
Creativity of the story ~ 10.5/15
The fic concept isn’t extremely creative, but it scores high here because of the MV link. I really love that little link between the two stories, and for it to be a continuation of an MV instead of a standalone, or a continuation of a show (like HanaKimi). That’s very refreshing, and they way you wrote it let the both stories fit in seamlessly, so that’s a really cool thing!
Overall enjoyment ~ 10/20
The fic scores lowly on the overall enjoyment because of the patchy storyline in the front. By the time we hit Chapter 7 and the plot begins to come together, it’s already a little too late. In fact, there would be readers who would give up before reaching Chapter 7, which is a real pity. For Chapter 7 onwards, though, kudos! It’s really starting to look like what people who truly expect of a fic like this, and I found myself really looking forward to the next few Chapters.
Don’t worry, keep writing! It’s starting to look really interesting! J
Overall review scoring: 63.5/100 J
Author: by ZeNd
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lucifera/
Reviewed by: Keleos
First Impressions
Title ~ 9/10
I feel awfully ashamed for putting this story off before I watched the music video. On first impression, the title is clichéd and terribly common amongst all the fics. It doesn’t stand out at all, and the fact that there is a Chinese title next to the English one made me a little confused, because I wasn’t sure which language this one was in. BUT! Upon watching the video, I AGAIN had the misconception that the fic was going to be based entirely on the plot in the video, which, again, I was wrong. The video, together with the first chapter and foreword puts the whole thing in perspective, and I’d say, well done for the title. It’s very meaningful.
Posters & background ~ 6/10
The poster is a little weird for a story that is so emotional, and the green background with the two characters doesn’t capture what the story is about. It’s effective, yes, but nothing more than that. In fact, if we were to look at the poster only, I suppose a reader might think it’s a sci-fi fic instead? Not very good for the fic. Kudos to the solid background, though, but the colour of the text makes things a little more difficult. Red makes it overly angst, and it cuts off the emotional, pining side of the whole fic.
Foreword ~ 8/10
The first chapter is an introduction, which doesn’t set the plot. But no matter for this fic! It’s a good start, because it sets the video in perspective, like I said earlier. Good job! But… perhaps you might want to put a note there for people to look at the MV before reading the fic. Before you watch it and after you watch it, things really become different.
Upon closer examination…
Storyline/plotting ~ 9/15
The story is a bit patchy; maybe it’s because you’re trying to put together alternating timelines into one story, making the whole expression rather convoluted. The story started out fine, but the second chapter made me a little confused as to where the main plot actually lies. SungMin’s plan appears out of the blue, there’s the high school story, and there’s the love element between Jae and BoA. Which makes the whole thing rather messy. I’m not sure, but your footnotes at the bottom betray a lack of planning, or maybe it’s because you changed plans along the way? But overall, it gives a feeling of a lack of focus for your storyline.
On the plus side, though, the later chapters are getting better, and the plot is getting more defined. I guess it’s really about managing the various plotlines, and it’s starting to show, so yay! JJJ
Cast used ~ 4/5
I’m not really into Korean pairings, but what I can say about this fic is that all the relationships seem pretty realistic to me. They seem as if they can truly happen in real life. Maybe it’s because I’m not too sure as to what the real actors and singers are like, so it’s much easier for me to see where you’re coming from for each of their personalities. And yes, they’re all very interesting. Each of your cast has a defined personality of his or her own, and that’s really something that shines out. J
Language ~ 4/10
If there’s anything I’ve got to fault you on, it’s the language. You’ve made certain comments about your grammar as well, so I just you’re aware. J The thing is, reading a piece like this, which is on the emotional side, yet not being able to read it with proper language, makes is a real pity. So I guess… L
Readability ~ 4/5
It’s clear for the style, and there isn’t any confusion as to who’s doing what and talking when. So, yay! Only gripe is the [____POV] thing that you use. It breaks the flow of the story a bit, and disrupts the whole thing. But just a bit. J
Overall feel… So far.
Creativity of the story ~ 10.5/15
The fic concept isn’t extremely creative, but it scores high here because of the MV link. I really love that little link between the two stories, and for it to be a continuation of an MV instead of a standalone, or a continuation of a show (like HanaKimi). That’s very refreshing, and they way you wrote it let the both stories fit in seamlessly, so that’s a really cool thing!
Overall enjoyment ~ 10/20
The fic scores lowly on the overall enjoyment because of the patchy storyline in the front. By the time we hit Chapter 7 and the plot begins to come together, it’s already a little too late. In fact, there would be readers who would give up before reaching Chapter 7, which is a real pity. For Chapter 7 onwards, though, kudos! It’s really starting to look like what people who truly expect of a fic like this, and I found myself really looking forward to the next few Chapters.
Don’t worry, keep writing! It’s starting to look really interesting! J
Overall review scoring: 63.5/100 J
__________
Note: Due to a breakdown of communication, the webmistresses made a misktake by forward your request to 2 different reviewer. And since they already did their job, I decided to post both imgnts and keleos work up! kudos to them both since both was reviewed reasonably well and we're very sorry about that!*that a review was done twice* lol
Note: Due to a breakdown of communication, the webmistresses made a misktake by forward your request to 2 different reviewer. And since they already did their job, I decided to post both imgnts and keleos work up! kudos to them both since both was reviewed reasonably well and we're very sorry about that!*that a review was done twice* lol
1 comment:
thanks for giving me review. and actually I have 3 different posters. this is the poster i usually use
http://img250.imageshack.us/img250/3278/crazyducky1993qw5.gif
but it's just inappropriate if i don't use the other poster. =P
that was made by fellow user in soompi. so credit for them. ^,^
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