So Your Roomate's A Pervert

Title: So Your Roomate's A Pervert

Author: xIaojO

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/xIaojO8/

Review By: Keleos

First: Disclaimer.
I can’t fully judge this fic the way I would want to because it’s a Challenge fic. And that means that there are certain constraints placed upon the fic, such as the title, poster, and all the way until the plot. So… I just did the best I could, from what I see. Apologies.

First Impressions
Title ~ 7/10
I don’t think it’s really fair to be judging on this, knowing that it’s a Challenge from some site and the title is given. BUT. I just want to say that it is a very effective title, and it definitely 1. catches the view of the reader, and 2. encompasses the idea of the whole story in it. It’s very, very nice. I love it.

Still, it doesn’t get a full score simply because I’m mean and I’ve been seeing a lot of these “So Your Roomate's a PERVERT”s around. And the fact that “roomate” is actually misspelled. :P

Posters & background ~ 7/10
Once again, the poster is given, so I won’t fault that. But yep, it’s an adorable poster. J Chun’s really cute in this one. I’m going to comment on whatever I can: the background, and the font colour. I like the colour scheme, it’s easy to read and the solid white background makes the whole look of the fic very simple and uncomplicated. Which is great! A little fault on the pink letters; it makes it look garish and a little strange. But nevertheless, a great effort. J

Foreword ~ 6/10
I’ve read some of your other forewords prior to this to get a better idea of your style (not that I judge this based on that, but more like… ‘cos you said that you suck at long forewords, so I had to take a look! :P). I going to say that this is an effective foreword, it does what forewords mean to do: set the premise for the story as a whole. BUT, this foreword would have done it for me if I were a casual reader because of the language. I’m not saying it’s unreadable, but more like; I would be put off by the foreword and skip the rest of the fic if I were to read this outside of my reviewer status. Still, I’d like to give it to the effort. J

Upon closer examination…
Storyline/plotting ~ 9/15
There’s not much room for creativity here, because, once again, the whole story concept is restricted and there’s only so much you can write about. I liked the idea that Chun was really interpreted as a pervert at the start, because it’s really a change from many of the fics on the same title that have been written. It keeps the characters very real and very down to earth. Many fics strive to keep the characters perfect, making them one-dimensional, but this one is different. It’s unique, and that’s a good thing. J

The plot’s clichéd, but I won’t fault on it because… I mean, with the title, what more can you do? I like the combination of stuff inside, a little uniqueness inside a plot that’s common, so that works pretty well for me. Planning wise, I think you had the whole story in your mind when you first conceived the idea of the story, and even if you didn’t, it doesn’t show, so good job.

Cast used ~ 4/5
Once again, Chun and Ella can’t be helped, so I won’t comment on that. Other than the fact that they truly make a cute couple. I think what I’ll say here is about the dynamics between your characters, since you didn’t have a choice who to cast. I suppose that the dynamics are there, and the whole story gets more interesting as the characters play alongside each other. There’s undeniable chemistry between Chun and Ella, and you really worked on the existing idea of a Chun-Ella couple and brought them together such that things tied up properly.

Language ~ 3/10
The language of the piece gets me! I can’t read a fic properly if it were to be written with language that has rather liberal problems with the syntax and spellings. Three major problems with it, the most obvious being the grammar. Sentences like ““Is actually like, my grandma ask me to look for cause she says you know the whereabout of my mother. Can you tell me where is she pleas?” (Chapter 5) Ella exclaimed.” They’re grammatically strange, and should read: “It’s actually, really. My grandma asked if I could find out the whereabouts of my mother. And I believe you know.” Ella exclaimed. “Can you tell me where she is please?””

Secondly, there’s a little problem with the past-present syntax of your sentences. “Ella alights at the bus-stop opposite the University walking into a entirely new environment of study life, she walks along the corridor of Griffith University than halting in front of the Administrative Office pushing the door inwards entering into the office over to the reception counter and was greeted by the polite receptionist, Alvina.” (Chapter 2) The two words in italics show how in one sentence, you fluctuate between past and present tense. It’s a little confusing.

And finally, the speech. I guess it’s really up to the reader to imagine, but when fics are concerned, I guess it’s only right to make sure that it’s accurate to the context and not in colloquial English. Here it is: ““Okay, why not you go and have a look whether has the plane arrive?”” (Chapter 1) In a colloquial context, there’s nothing wrong, I suppose, but on paper, that just looks plain strange.

Then again, I’m very, very prissy when it comes to language, so… forgive me on that. J

Readability ~ 5/5
Lots of comments, although a short fic, and your interaction with the readers is beyond doubt, one of the best on the site. Good job!

Overall feel… So far.
Creativity of the story ~ 9/15
Not much room for creativity here, restrained by the title, but you’ve managed to stand out and be different from the rest of the same-titled fics. Yay! Manoeuvring your way around a fic like this requires a lot of balance, between the clichéd storyline and the expectations required of the title, and the ‘freshness’ that should be prominently in every fic. I think this one manages it pretty well, so kudos!

I’m giving a 10 instead of anything higher because it doesn’t really deviate from some of the common storylines we’d expect. So it’s predictable, but it’s predictable within limits, and the characters are good, so it’s a pretty good score. J

Overall enjoyment ~ 13/20
It’s an enjoyable story. Everything falls into place very well. I like the ending a lot. To some extent, it’s really the saving grace, and it’s really, really sweet. The ending wraps up the fic very easily and very simply, and that’s something I look for in fics, so no problem with that.

I’m faulting only on the language, that mars the overall enjoyment of the fic, as well as some parts that are a little strange, but nevertheless, and enjoyable and happy fic!

Overall review scoring: 63/100 J