Highschool Romance

Title: Highschool Romance
Author: pearr
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/highschromance/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 6/10
No biggie here, really. I’m not very impressed by the lack of creativity in the title. But I suppose… It’s alright. It’s effective enough in summing up what the whole story’s about, but it’s just not interesting. It just doesn’t stand out. Nevertheless, it works, and I guess that’s all that matters. Hohum.

Poster and Background: 9/10
OK. This is seriously odd, but I like it. Let me explain. The poster looks like something fresh out of a horror movie, because of the creepy sunset-like background and the faces staring back at you like an old photograph. The background, on the other hand, is pretty, sweet and romantic. It’s a direct mismatch, obviously, but it works out just fine for me. The poster doesn’t grate on your eye after some time, and it’s great because it becomes the centrepiece of attention for the whole fic (since you have black font and stuff). Background’s good, because it jazzes up the fic without distracting the reader (did I mention that I like plain backgrounds?). All in all, a great effort here.

Pity on the creepiness of the poster, though, if not all 10 marks will be given.

Foreword: 5/10
O…K… I really, really appreciate the effort put into the foreword, but it really doesn’t come across as interesting. Firstly, there’s nothing much on the story plot at all in the foreword (or where you expecting the title to say it all?). That means that there’s no incentive for the reader to keep on reading, and the story ends at the foreword. Secondly, what’s with the characters?

There are suggestions for that, though. For a start, put in more about the plot and less on your characters. I’m not asking you to reveal all, but perhaps just a prelude of what’s going to happen, or a bit on your characters’ personalities. And yes, you could group the characters by the families and rank, for example:

Family 1
Ao Quan
Only child.

Family 2
Xiao Jie (B)
A Wei
Mei Mei etc.

Or simply, cut down on characters. It really destroys what you have to say.
Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 0/5
OK. I’m not afraid to give a zero and tell you that it’s difficult to give anything higher than that. Firstly, I’d say, I commend your effort in putting together a cast like this because, well… It really is difficult to put together an ensemble cast and pull it off. Which is the main issue in this fic actually – you didn’t pull it off.

I’m not familiar with any of your cast members, for a start. My recognition of them is limited to seeing random fics around with Wang Zi and Gui Gui as cast members. But the truth is, I really don’t know who they are. But since you’ve put in the effort, and you’ve specially requested that I write this review for you, I thought I might put in some research, and yes, I went to read up on these strangers on the Internet sites and looked at a couple of their MVs.

STILL. It’s too confusing for me to comprehend anything, beginning from the mass (or should I say, mess?) of relationships established in the foreword. I found myself having to open two windows, one with the story, one with the foreword and constantly switching between the two to ensure that I’m reading about a couple (and not an incestuous relationship!). By the end of Chapter 1, I was thoroughly confused already, so how’s the story supposed to go on?

One more point. The story isn’t completed, but I know it’s going to be a happy ending of sorts with ten girls and ten boys. Are they all going to be paired up? Please, that’s just revealing too much already.

Story and Plotting: 8/15
The plot is nothing special, patchy even, but I’m really going to give it to you based on effort. Negative first. I’d say that I didn’t really think that the plot was anything to shout about. It doesn’t sound typical of a Taiwanese idol drama because of its many characters, and it’s not emotional enough to be classified under a good piece of writing. It reminds me a little of Fahrenheit’s KO One series, with its many characters and roles, and the problem with this is that, because it’s not visual, it misses out a lot on what writing can do: characterisation and slow, emotional plots. The fact that the chapters skip around don’t help much either, because of the insane pace the plot of progressing at. It makes the whole fic really skimpy in many ways, and it gets boring after a while.

I can’t really put a finger on what is exactly wrong about this fic, but it really is rather strange as a whole. I say strange, not unique, because the weirdness of the entire fic gets a little irritating after a while, and you get want to skip chapters. Maybe it’s because there’s really nothing much in the plot at al. and it gets really boring.

Nevertheless, I’m giving good marks for effort and planning, because… Well, I think with the number of characters you need to handle, you’d need a lot of planning and a careful thought process before you can place them into relationships of sorts. What’s really lacking here is the organisation and presentation of ideas. Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
I won’t say the language is fantastic, but at least it’s understandable. I must admit that I was a little bracing myself for an onslaught of bad language when I first read that you had issues with your grammar and stuff, but really, you don’t have to be self-humiliating! It’s not really that bad! Some of the descriptions could be better, and there are a couple of mistakes here and there, but on the whole, it’s really quite alright. So don’t worry too much.

Watch out on your narration style though (but more on that later), and watch the conversations. They have the tendency to become overly colloquial sometimes, so just remember that you’re writing and not talking to someone. 

Flow of Story: 5/10
Once again, it’s a little strange here. I’m puzzled over why you didn’t spend more time developing relationships, and could dwell over something small like sending the girls home. The fic becomes a bit schizo. The pace keeps changing: too fast, then too slow, and because of that, it becomes imbalanced. The story doesn’t flow too well, really, but I guess it’s acceptable, so you have a 5.

Writing Style: 3/5
A very earnest effort, really. I’m sincere about writing this review because I read your fic and it had a very sincere quality to it, so I’m just repaying it.  The style of writing is nothing to shout about, it’s got no distinguishing qualities – not that you would have established a quality because this is your first fic! But it’s very honest, very sincere, and I guess even though it’s not a wonderful fic (perhaps not even one that I would otherwise read if I were not reviewing), it’s a fic that really speaks to you about what writing is all about: the heart and soul.

I hope you’ve given it your all in this fic, and well, all that’s left is to improve!

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 8/15
I applaud your effort at trying to put together such a cast. That’s the plus mark for the creativity, really. It’s not common to see a fic where there are twenty leads, and each of them given almost equal “screen time”, and yours is really the first I’ve seen. It’s fresh here, so that’s point for creativity.

The problem with the originality is that there’s only the love element, and not to mention the fact that because there’re so many characters, there’re bound to be that many complicated relationships as well. And this is entirely reflected in your chapter entitle Love Triangles. It’s like… One triangle, then multiply by three or four, change the “victim” names, and voila! We get a plot.

Not good.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
I’d give a decent mark simply because I like the fic’s honesty. I don’t like the fic much, actually, but I like the warm-hearted feeling it gives me after I’m done with it. It reminds me what it means to be a writer, and how to write a story’s that’s actually touchingly earnest.

Yep, keep it up!

Bonus marks: 4/5
Extra brownie points for just being you!

I mean seriously, it’s nice to review a fic like this.

Total mark: 61/100

Additional Comments: Well, following American Idol judge Randy Jackson’s favourite slang: “I like you, kid, I like you.” Haha. I guess it’s really important to see effort being made, no matter how plain this fic is. It’s normal, it doesn’t stand out, but anyone reading it would be impressed by the effort injected into this, which is really wonderful.

I’m looking forward to something well written by you in the near future. With your command of language, I don’t see why not. Just… change the clichéd story and cut down the characters. A gang isn’t really healthy, just three will make a sweet, love triangle story, which is what you’re trying to achieve.

Nonetheless, well done here. 

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr