~...oUr PuPpY lOvE...~

Title: ~...oUr PuPpY lOvE...~
Author: LiTtL3_GrE3n101
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/OPL/
Review By: Keleos

Beware: Bad review ahead.

First Impressions
Title ~ 2/10
OK. I’m not sure what to make of this, but this is DEFINITELY something I will never click if the option was available to me. Firstly, the title doesn’t tell me anything much about the story at all, except, well, it’s a love story. Between S.H.E. and Rainie, and the Fahrenheit boys. The end. Not a single detail more. Number two, for all your effort in creating a pReTtY eFfEcT, I got a headache just looking at the title. Number three, it just doesn’t appeal. At all.

Seriously, did you really think that the title was anything viable before you sent this in for review? What is this? First impressions: nada.

Poster & background ~ 5/10
Poster rocks, no doubt about it. I think it’s the first poster I’ve seen with the 新窝MV pictures, and it really churns out a very heartwarming and romantic image. I love the poster, it’s so festive and it shows all the characters together in one single picture. How wonderful.

I had comments about your background. Two chapters in, you were classified under my list as a genius. After two chapters, you were classified under that list as unaware. Let me elaborate. In your foreword and Chapter 1, your lines mysteriously and conveniently avoid overlapping the background pictures (which are opaque, nonetheless). Chapter 2 becomes some sort of a tell-tale sign that your background is a failure. The first line overlaps with the Fahrenheit picture awkwardly sticking out on the page, and the words become invisible.

It only spells one thing for me: the lack of thoughtfulness and flippancy in designing the fic, something that is going to become the underlying theme of this whole review.

5 for each section. Poster gets 5, Background gets zilch.

Foreword ~ 3/10
I’ll be honest in telling you I didn’t want to fail you in this section, because you actually did some form of introduction with your characters. Well, I’d give it to you. Good work on actually attempting to introduce your characters to the reader.

BUT. You could have achieved the same effect in less than the 74 (yes, I counted) words you used introducing them. Let me show you.

“This fic contains S.H.E, Rainie and Fahrenheit. They are all 16, smart, rich, good-looking people. Yay.” That was achieved in 15 words, a fifth of your foreword.

And seriously, if you look at it, it betrays the lack of a proper thought process. What’s with Hebe being “naughty” and “good” and the same time? And with Ella being girly (cos you mentioned Chun complaining he was sitting next to a “man woman” in the later Chapter). Contradictory. And if you bothered to run the check through Microsoft Word’s grammar and spelling software, you’d notice what the problems with the English were quite easily. No excuse.

Upon closer examination…
Plot ~ 1/15
I won’t even elaborate on what a story entails. I will define what story means: “a (1) narrative, either true or fictitious, (2)in prose or verse, designed to (3)interest, amuse, or instruct the hearer or reader; tale.” (Emphasis my own) I must say, sadly, this story fails to fulfil none of characteristics listed above. No narrative; it’s… disjointed pieces of information put together. Neither prose nor verse; this is in script form. And most obviously, this doesn’t capture my interest at all.

After writing all that, I’ve got to say it probably is a large issue with me trying to explaining what a story is and what a good story is, because in this first place, I have no idea what the plot is talking about.

Yes. This fic survives on the basis that it has no plot whatsoever. I don’t know what you’re trying to do or achieve, and if you actually meant to write something out of this, I don’t see it. One mark goes to the fact that maybe a plot might exist… But not anywhere in this reviewer’s future of reading it.

Cast used ~ 2/5
I have to be fair and give you a 2.5 for the cast, because I like the S.H.E. and Fahrenheit pairing, no matter how overused it may be. I can’t say how much I dislike the idea of having Rainie inside. The plot (if there was any plot at all) becomes predictable from the moment you see the title. The pairings become obvious from the foreword, where everyone is paired up respectively. I’m passing the cast on the simple premise that I’ve read so many good fics with them in it.

For all the wonderful chemistry already existing between the two, I’m surprised you couldn’t even attempt to work it. And the chemistry even goes so far as to disappear in your little story. I don’t know what to make of this, except for the fact that very little effort is put into developing any form of the wonderful cast’s personalities and quirks. Disappointing.

2 marks go to the fact that the cast is stellar. The other 3 was meant characterisation, which you did none at all, so nothing for that.

Language (Spelling and Grammar) ~ 1/10
I won't even point out what mistakes you've made. The standard of your language is obvious in the score you obtained. Your flippancy in spelling and grammar provokes flippancy in my reviewing.

With the "don't care" attitude there, I’ll do the same for your review. No reason why I would be able to review well for something of this standard.

All I have to say is: language, no matter in which form, is a method of communication. You didn’t achieve that. At all.

Reader friendly ~ 3/5
Not really responding to all readers, per se, but at least you posted, so that’s alright. 

Overall feel… So far.
Originality & Creativity~ 15/15
Full marks for creativity and originality since yours in the first story I have absolutely no inkling as to where the plot is.

Overall enjoyment ~ 0/20
I can’t read a bunch of words thrown together, seriously. What IS this thing? Is it even a fic?

By the way, in case you needed to know, I didn’t finish reading whatever you had to offer. I had to stop in the middle of Chapter 6. It was nauseating.

Bonus mark!
Linking back to us: 0/3

Total: 32/100

Additional Remarks (If you have any): I assure you, I’m not normally sarcastic and mean in reviews, and even if I give a bad review for a fic, I still try to give proper comments with regards to the problems and try to offer some help as much as possible. I’m not the best writer. I don’t possess the best command of English. That’s why I believe constructivism helps a lot. The thing is, I’ve got to be able to see some form of effort being put in first before I even offer any comment. I must say, yours is really the first fic I’ve reviewed badly and been mean about it. I was irritated upon receiving this assignment, because I really saw no point in reviewing a fic that you don’t even appear to take any form of pride in. It lets down all the rest of the great fics out there, where authors spend time researching and writing in the best form possible.

Next time, send in something with actual time and effort put in. Maybe then your scores rise. And maybe then I’ll be nice about your review.

Good luck.