Mr. Flirty X Mr. Icey

Mr. Flirty X Mr. Icey
Author: Kim_Bunnie
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Bunnie_Flirt/
Reviewed By: imgnts

Title: 8/10
I think the title is quite cute but the first impression I get from it is that a flirty guy who will like a cold guy, but I guess it’s not really true, seeing that it’s actually two different love story involved, well also two more, including Changmin and JiYul.

Poster & Background: 10/10
Really cute poster, I think it matches the fic really well. It totally has the comedy feel to it, which matches your story quite well because I can tell that the genre of fic is comedy.

Foreword: 6.5/10
Your forewords seemed more like a chapter really. There wasn’t really much description to the story itself nor does it include the other two character’s story in it either.

Cast Used: 3.5/5
Your main personalities for your casts are either a flirt, who is played by Yunho if I’m not wrong, pr the cold person, who would be JunSu. That seems to be the message I’m getting from the story. If I got that wrong, then there might be a little error with the message you are trying to pass onto your readers. Then again, your foreword could have been more descriptive and explained it somehow.

Originality & Creativity: 10/15
To be honest, I can pretty much find a lot of stories with plots similar to yours, but maybe with different characters. But usually other stories would be about a big time flirt falling in love with a cold-hearted person and ends up together. I’ve got to give credit to the part where JunSu the teacher goes with the student, Yoochun though, but there have been stories previously about teachers going with students.

Story & Plotting: 12/15
I think your story was pretty content throughout the chapters, like most stories, it would have some twists here and there. But in chapter 14, the story seems to have been drifted to JaeJoong’s siblings a bit. For example, you could have maybe added a bit into the story instead of having a full chapter of them, since after all, they’re not really you’re main casts.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
In most of your stories, you have some spelling mistakes, but I’m sure it can be fixed with a little editing either by yourself or Microsoft words. Ex. – “eye brow” which is “eyebrow”

The verbs you used sound a bit awkward in some sentences. Ex – “You put me into trouble this afternoon and now I hate you” which makes a bit more sense if you wrote it like this “You got me into trouble this afternoon so now I hate you”

I think you should use Microsoft words to edit the mistakes or just to check over because some of them Microsoft can do it automatically. I’m not sure if you do use it or not, but it’s just a suggestion.

Flow of Story: 7/10
You’ve written your story in a way where you have two different settings and story going on at the same time, but it’s rather confusing when it comes to the time part because one story seems to be ahead of the other one, like in the first and second chapter, JunSu and YooChun’s part is a day ahead of JaeJoong and Yunho’s. Then you sort of focused the story on JaeJoong and Yunho for the next two chapters or so, which was rather awkward in my opinion.

Writing Style: 3/5
The way you’ve written your story is in a rather unorganized sequence. But the way you have it written out in dialogue format is easier to understand and read, but you can maybe add some more details to express the characters emotions.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I think your story is quite cute, with some conflicts within each pair of couples in the story, but Changmin, JiYul, Pararae, Heechul & ShiWon is more complicated I can tell. Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading the cute and funny parts of your story.

Bonus marks: 2/5
For your efforts in replying to reader’s comments.

Total mark: 76/100

Additional Comments: The examples I’ve listed above are just random sections in your story but they are for reference anyways. But I enjoyed reading your story, I find it a really cute comedy, keep on going with it!

imgnts@midnight-tree.co.nr

Last Breath (One Shot)

Title: Last Breath (One Shot)
Author: AsianSensation:)

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lb/

Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title : 8/10
Pretty sweet. Effective title as well.

Poster&Background
No poster and background eh =)

Foreword: 7/10
I get the picture that you are trying to paint in the forewords but somehow it didn’t get across as strongly as it should have. I am guessing it’s because of the words and spacing of your sentence.

Nevertheless, good attempt.

Cast Used: 3/5
Rainie and Arron was well, a fresh pairing. So props to you.

But I felt that Rainie and Arron’s characrer could be expanded further. There was something lacking in your characterization of both of them.

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
I like the ending. It was quite fresh. But besides that, the little episodes within the story, like the childhood stories and Arron leaving Rainie was pretty typical of an idol drama. So basically I only giving you the credit for the ending.

Story&Plotting: 8/15
I don’t have a big problem with the story, I know what it is going on. But I feel that the plot has the potential to more intense. There are so many parts in the story where you can make it more polished. For example, I don’t exactly find myself touched by Rainie’s missing Arron. There was something missing. And the ending, though interesting, I felt it did not leave the impact that I was expecting it to leave me. It’s like a piece of music with nice chief melody but lousy accompaniment, so it did not turned out as nice as it would.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10
ARK.
TENSES! Stick with past and present consistently please?
And your grammar is also consistently inaccurate.

I am sorry about my meanness. On the nicer side, I think language killed your fic. I think if you had better language your fic can necessary be like 10 marks higher as I have said in other reviews, language is not only language, if you don’t do okay in language, your writing style is sure not to score well and you plot and flow might also get affected as well.

Flow Of Story: 5/10
It gets choppy sometimes. I mean it had a general flow so the readers are not lost, but I felt that more links could have been done between, for example, the recollections and Rainie’s thoughts.

I also felt the fic lacks a silky feeling that is characteristic of this genre. The closest metaphor I can give is like, listening to a piano melody. A smooth one. Your fic fails to give me this enjoyment.

Writing Style: 2/5
As I have mentioned in the language section, writing style and language goes hand in hand. In this fic, I don’t really see you as a person manifested in the fic. So yea.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/10
GAA.
I didn’t really enjoy the fic because I was expecting to be heart wrenched, touched by the story at the end but apparently it didn’t turn out so.

But I liked the concept though.

Bonus marks: 2/5
For trying.
I think you do have the picture in your head but you can’t seem describe ti well with words. So I am giving you the credit for this.

Total mark: 51/90 (~57/100)

Additional comments:
Well, honestly, this fic has the potential to be better. It is actually a pity, I think if you could polish this fic up a bit, the plot has what is takes to be a stunning fic.
Oh and also, because I myself write and read a lot of fics in this genre, I get a tad stricter as well. So I am sorry if it made you upset =) No hard feeling k!


Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess) @midnight-tree.co.nr

LOVE IS BLIND

LOVE IS BLIND
Author: shycapri8
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/eyesthatcantsee
Reviewed By: imgnts

Title: 8/10
I think your title was rather creative and it linked to your story directly, the relevance was clearly stated in your forewords when you wrote the short description on Yoochun and Changmin. Good job on thinking of the title.

Poster & Background: 6/10
Your poster is creative and I find that it’s cool how it can move and all, but while I was reading the story, I find that the poster was lagging the computer a lot and it can also be a distraction to the reader because of how the picture mixes and spins.

Foreword: 6/10
The foreword captures the main point of your story and basically tells what your story is about and all, but you could have added more creativity into the forewords.

Cast Used: 5/5
The amount of casts you used were a fair good amount, not too much and you obviously put a clear line between the major casts and the minor casts.

Originality & Creativity: 12/15
Personally, I haven’t read many stories similar to yours where one person sacrifices the eye for the person he loves.

Story & Plotting: 12/15
Your story was interesting in a way especially how Changmin can see with his heart and he eventually teaches Yoochun how to really see.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8.5/10
Just some minor past and present tense problems throughout the story, I’ve caught only a few so it’s not really that big of a problem. But I suggest you maybe want to double check or edit before posting it because sometimes, words are stuck together like “Atleast” in the first chapter.

Flow of Story: 7/10
I can tell that your story is sort of broken into parts where you go from one person’s POV to another person’s POV, which can also be totally irrelevant. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing but I suggest you maybe state either who’s POV it is or to somehow tell the readers because I got confused at some parts when I was reading it. Because in some section, you’ll have groups of friends talking and well, obviously it should be either Changmin or Yoochun’s POV, but just to make sure.

Writing Style: 3/5
You’ve mainly used dialogues to show your story but it might be less confusing if you showed in some way who said what because I got lost a few times wondering who said which lines.

Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10
It was a bad story to read, but then I think in most parts, you could have done better, and the poster was really getting on my nerves a lot of the time because it was hard for me to even scroll down in a chapter.

Bonus marks: 2/5
For your effort to replying comments.

Total mark: 77/100

Additional Comments: Your story is in the form of both a happy and sad ending, which I find is really unique. Hope you can keep coming up with great ideas such as this one!

imgnts @ midnight-tree.co.nr

Recalling Forgotten Memories

Title: Recalling Forgotten Memories
Author: moniica(:
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/monica_5
Reviewed By: Lone Ranger



Title : 4/10

It lacks the pun and the spark that a title requires.

But because it hints at some lost memories thing, I wouldn’t press on your story on main index. With that in mind, I think the title had failed.



Poster&Background : 1/5

It’s upon 5 because you don’t have a poster. I have a big problem with you background. It does not suit the mood of the story (besides the fact that it is grey) and I feel that it is too squarish too.



Foreword: 8/10

Well, besides the fact that your forewords sound like a chapter one instead of a forewords, I don’t have much to complain. Though so, I must stress that, because of the length of your forewords, the first few lines of your forewords which I felt were the “punchlines” did not stay on my head by the time I am done with forewords. But besides that, I pretty get the characters and the setting of the story. That’s a plus.



But one thing that troubled me. The accident sounded a little cliché which is why you didn’t get higher. Well, I will be reading on from your forewords to the rest of the chapters to see how you are going to move on.



Cast Used: 4/5

I like Hebe and Selina in this story. They never fail to bring a smile in this generally, sad, fic. Very strong characterization there =) I guess I have to give you credit for being able to juggle so many characters and giving them each a distinct character.



I especially also liked how you gave Ella’s character complexity.



The only reason why you didn’t get full marks is basically the part about Ella and Auntie Wu that baffled me. If Auntie Wu really treated Ella as a daughter, I think she would feel very sad about the whole Angela episode. Auntie Wu may not be able to stop Chun from liking Angela, but she might be putting a halt to the marriage. And yes, like what some of your readers said, the proposal itself is a little too fast too.



Good job, nevertheless.



Originality & Creativity: 7/15

The only saving grace of this fic when it coems to this item until now is the first 2-3 chapters. Memory loss is an overused idea. Ever since Meteor Garden, I hated the idea of memory loss for a fic. I tend to skip the fic when they are dealing with memory loss.



Well, but as I have said earlier, the whole part of the comfort in the United States for Ella was fresh (I liked it), but that isn’t the main part of your plot right? Your plot is centered on memory loss. So thus you fail when it comes to originality and creativity.



Story&Plotting: 13/15

Very smooth writing, it was very easy to follow through your story. As I have said many times, the first few chapters are good. It made me laugh. The next few, although treaded on a topic area that I personally detest, turned out to be very emotional. I could actually feel the wrenching in my heart when Ella was at the hospital. I liked how you actually dared to venture into the worse possible scenario, as most people would have stopped at Chun fall in love with Angela, Ella comes and Ella gets back with Chun or something. You actually dared to move into marriage which I felt was a props.



Well, count yourself lucky also, because I like fics like that, so I tend to give a tad higher for emotional fics.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

I don’t have complains about your fic. It was good, fluent language that was wasn’t boring. It had a linguistic bounce to it as well.



Flow Of Story: 8/10

Good flow. I really liked how Ella’s sadness was a constant strand in the fic. It gives the fic consistency. The fic seems to have a grey undertone throughout. Sad, but nicely done.



Writing Style: 3/5

Yep. I think I can feel you as a person in this fic. Someone who is sensitive, someone who spends time thinking about things, someone who has depth. Props.



Maybe as a suggestion, you an think of how to give your fic a stronger voice, such that it is distinctly you.



Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

Minus the memory loss part, I thoroughly enjoyed your fic. It’s one with both content and good language. Something that I feel is worth reading again. =)



Bonus marks: 3/5

For it been generally well written and well thought of. For seeing a person within the fic.



Total mark: 67/95 (~71/100)



Additional comments:

Well, honestly, this fic has the potential to hit the 80s (Do something about your title and background!) And well, maybe you should send your fic again when it is complete as maybe I would have a new judgement. Because I had to reread my own review to see how come you are a mere 71. It’s a pity really.



By the way, I hope you don’t mind me doing the review as Kel’s currently busy with a ton of other stuff =)



Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)

Rigor Mortis

Title: .Rigor Mortis.
Author: Sheepoling
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Sheepoling5
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 7/10
Good work on the title, because this is another fic that I must admit to having already read before I reviewed it. I was drawn to the title of the whole fic, and I think it really possesses the X-factor that stands out amongst all the fics with “love” in their titles. Not to mention that the intent of the fic becomes very obvious with this title, and you’ve achieved the aim of having a title. Good job.

But I think your chapter titles were boring, to say the least. Just nothing special about them other than the fancy names of numbers there, which I found rather unnecessary. From Chapter 5 onwards, they became a little lame, which is why I gave 7 and not anything higher.

Poster and Background: 9/10
Not too bad on this front, either. The poster was extremely well crafted, and it really gave of the classic dark story feel that many other dark fics are missing. I love the way the poster blends into the background, creating the illusion that your poster is roundish instead of the normal, ordinary square. Great work with the whole effect: this is one of the best posters I’ve seen in a long time.

Pity on the font colour, though. Red is a bit garish and a bit too clichéd for my liking.

Foreword: 8/10
Excellent forewords. I like the way you delivered the lines at the start of the forewords, but I would have preferred it if you kept it more succinct and had two lines, instead of six at the start. It would have been more effective that way, and the reader would have been more drawn to it. In general, though, the foreword was well written, and it served to tie the whole concept of your story together. Which was good.

Overall a good first impression.

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 3/5
I don’t think it’s really fair to judge you with this one, under this section, simply because you’ve used a variety of casts. I like some, and I’m adverse to others. But in general, I must say that your cats is just recycled with the same few people and rotated pairings. Nothing against that, but maybe you might want to try others in order to make the whole thing more refreshing. The fact that characters repeat themselves make me a bit confused sometimes, because there’s the cross story issues and I jumble the characters.

Not to mention the fact that your characterisation is not strong at all, and the entire fic suffers. I would rather read one story with a strong character, rather than a bunch of stories with all the characters looking the same. Which is exactly what your fic was.

Story and Plotting: 9/15
I’m passing you simply on the fact that your stories were well-plotted out, meaning that you knew exactly what you were writing and going to write, as seen through the plot summaries that you have in every chapter. So I’m guessing you gave it some thought before you actually put down your pen to write. I supposed that is really a good attempt, but your stories are… Interestingly boring.

Oxymoron.

Let me explain. They appear interesting on the surface, but all I ever wanted to do when I was reading it was to scroll all the way to the end and figure out what was going on. Not in a good sort of way, because your details were either too confusing, or too boring. And the stories were out of this world, again, not in a good sense, because I really found some of them really hilarious. I’m not really sure if it is the story itself, the writing or style that you took, or if its just my brain being warped, but really, this did not impress me at all.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

Language is fine, no major problems, but please… This is a horror fic of sorts, so do something that actually plays on the readers’ nerves. The language here was plain, ordinary and nothing special, and it most certainly did not play on MY nerves.

Average is for everybody else.

Watch the spelling as well. I’ve spotted quite a few throughout, and they’re not typoes.

Flow of Story: 3/10
Story flowed fine, but… Length is part of this component too. Flow of the story and continuity is no problem, so 3 marks. But length…

It was too long. (Not literally, of course.)

Writing Style: 3/5
I have something to say about your writing style, because I got a tad irritable when reading your fic because of the endless one-liners. I KNOW that sometimes you haven’t got that much to say in one line, but making your paragraphs so short means that you lose the effect of one liners when it comes about!

One liners are for impact.

Just like this.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 9/15
Alright. This IS different and creative, only if you consider the bits and pieces of movies parts (pun not intended) patched together as creative. You’re different, so I’m not sure if you get the normal person’s view of creativity.

SERIOUSLY.

I had the constant feeling that I had seen those stories somewhere before, from movies and stuff. Those that I haven’t seen before, like your Love Letter story, came up to me as a bit weird. Weird in the sense that the concept was extremely funny. Original, yes, but too strange to be considered a normal story that could be accepted, at least by my standards.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10
I must admit that I completed this story only because I read it on the same day as reading some of the terrible fics out there. Good work for your planning, good work for your language (which makes the fic read well) and good work for trying something slightly different, but I didn’t like it. And it’s not because I don’t like dark fics, but rather, I felt that you didn’t work the potential this fic had in it. You started off promisingly, upping my standards a bit, only to have me really disappointed by the end.

It’s just not really interesting.

Bonus marks: 2/5
For replying your readers. :)

Total mark: 66 /100
Additional Comments: Well. What a vast improvement from the many stories you had in your days as a puppy, so I’d say well done. And well… As a sick coincidence, your marks are 66. Wow.

Anyway, keep going. We will get there. Haha.

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

情人节的礼物

Title: 情人节的礼物
Author: 0088~
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/yiingw0rld_2/
Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title: 4/10
Boring.
The only reason why it’s not any lower than a 4 is that it kind of sums up the story,

Poster&Background : 9/10
Good colour scheme, nice poster. Suits the mood perfectly.

Foreword: 8/10
Well. The rest of the forewords were okay. Not exactly spectacular, but I am giving you the bonus for this part.

他们决定为彼此准备个最难忘的情人节礼物。 一只手表。一顶秀发。一个无法忘怀的情人节 I really liked it =)
Cast Used: 4/5
First, of course, I had to bear in mind that this is a one shot. The characterization is pretty good for a one shot. What I really liked about this fic is that you did not need to tell the reader straight in the face, SHOW WAS A RICH GUY. THEY ELOPED. It was just neatly woven in the story. So props.

Show and Selina’s a nice couple too, if you ask me.

Well the reason why I don’t give full marks is that, I feel that the characterization though already excellent have potential to be better. =)

Originality & Creativity
I had trouble with this section because I have read the original story in Chinese before. Yes. It was in my Higher Chinese Textbook. In the fact the story is close to 90% similar. So your story should be called an ADAPTATION rather than a story. You know what I mean. But I decided that since you did credit the story for ideas, I shall not grade you on that section. If not you will fail miserably.

Story&Plotting
The story follows exactly with the original. So I don’t think it’s worth grading.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Could be better. It was smooth enough. But I believe more work can still be done. I think some of your breaks are unnecessary, and it doesn’t facilitate the emotional buildup. One thing, some of your … are unneccassary too.

Well I also feel that, you could done better in your language. I must say again, you language is good enough, but I think it’s not spectacular. It lacks a kind of feeling that makes it sparkle, like it’s there but not there yet. You know, the just a little bit more.

Flow Of Story: 8/10
I don’t have a big problem with it. I understand what’s going on, I did not get lost. It was just.. normal.

Writing Style: 2/5
Well, I don’t think there’s much of a style from you. Well, not that, but it sounded very much like the original one that I read you see.

On second thoughts, I believe this has got to do with your language component. When your language isn’t exactly spectacular, it’s hard to bring out a writing style

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10
This is a little personal. The reading’s fine. But I expected to be really really touched by this fic which did NOT turn out. So that’s why it’s hovering at the pass mark.

Then again, to be honest, I don’t get touched easily.

So yea =)

Bonus marks: 2/5
For letting us see such a beautiful fic.

Total mark: 40/70 (70/100)

Additional comments:
Well, overall comments wise, the problem with this fic is that it did hit IT. It lacked the X factor, the sparkle, the IT factor. And I personally do see a lot more room for improvement for this fic.

In any case, it was a nice read though.

Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)

Hot Chocolate

Title: Hot Chocolate

Author: blackispretty

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/runway2/

Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions

Title: 9/10

Good job.

I admit to clicking on your fic before I even reviewed it, so I already have some idea as to what it is about. And you can imagine my astonishment at having you requesting a review. That aside, let me explain the reason for the two words above.

I know what hot chocolate is. It’s sinful, melty, sweet and rich. And romantic. Complete with the season of Christmas, you’ve drawn up a beautiful image in my head with just two words. Well done!

Poster and Background: 6/10

The poster is nothing great, but it’s not distracting, so I won’t fault on it. The main issue with the poster is the fact that the featured pictures are just too weird to be there. I like the small ones at the bottom, and they’re probably the only thing that’s really good about the poster. I like the scrawl across the poster with the title, and that together has given you a 6.

OK, average. Not too bad.

Foreword: 9/10GOOOOOD.

I can’t say how warm and fuzzy your forewords make me feel because I’m on this constant hunt for good forewords and I rarely, no, make that VERY rarely, find anything that’s good. I like this because it’s simple, it runs like a trailer from a movie, and it’s functional, introducing all your characters and attaching personalities to them. Excellent work here.

Upon closer examination…

Cast Used: 3/5

Arron and Hebe, a tad overused, but still alright, I suppose. I’m slightly biased in favour of Fahrenheit-S.H.E. pairings, and this one is not any exception. I think you nailed the personalities pretty well in the foreword, but it all started the fall off track in the next chapter, and subsequently did not improve in the chapters to follow.

I found that a bit of a pity, and I guess I was hoping for a richer, more in-depth getting to know the cast. But this one was more… An acquaintance. I wasn’t friends with your version of Hebe and Arron, it felt more like I just brushed past them and became hi-bye acquaintances. Give some extra background, write something quirky about each of them to nail their characters. And maybe, you’d be great friends.

Story and Plotting: 10/15

Good job on the story, I like the concept a lot, but I got a bit bored in the middle. Reason being: I didn’t really like how you made a subplot in the plot. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against subplots (and I write them too), but because this is a short story, subplots make it cluttered and difficult to concentrate on one, single idea in the story. I didn’t really understand why you had to put in the bit about Hebe mistaking her father for something he did not do, and how she came to forgive him, because I believe the main focus of this story is the love aspect.

Another strange, strange bit is the Cupid thing that appeared in the second chapter. OK, fine, I think it’s cute, but I think it derails the romance quite a lot.

BUT, as I’ve already said, I like the concept of this story, and heartless and emotionless as this reviewer may seem (taking apart the stories, muahahaha), she’s got a soft spot for romantic stories.

Just like yours.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Good work here, except for a few awkward expressions here and there, there’s nothing much for this picky, mean reviewer to pick on anymore! I guess the only piece of constructivism would be to increase your range of vocabulary to handle the emotions of each one of them better. It doesn’t have to be intensely emotionally charged, but there’s got to be more pointing in the “sweet” direction.

Like hot chocolate.

Flow of Story: 6/10

I’m a bit disturbed by the pace of chapter 3. How could someone be angry at someone (her father, no less) for so long without her finding out the true cause behind her mother’s death? And how could she possibly forgive him so quickly, and get over the years of anger so quickly? I think that really disturbed the general flow of the story, and it became a bit too much for a short story.

Writing Style: 5/5
No problem here. It was clear, and distinct in its style. There are problems with the fic, but it definitely isn’t in this section. :)Overall feel…

Originality & Creativity: 12/15

Good work here. I know that love stories must fall in a certain cliché, and I know that this sounds a little similar to the concept in the Korean drama, Coffee Prince or one of those dramas out there. BUT. I love it. I love how you handled everything so well, and I like how you didn’t fall into the clichéd template. This is new. It’s old-school romance reinvented on a snowy Christmas night, complete with hot chocolate.

Just… rework the Cupid idea. It’s a bit out of place.

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

Well done! I enjoyed your story, and I think the imagery was well done. I found the Hebe and her father subplot a little unnecessary and a bit too much for a short story to take. To be perfectly honest, overall enjoyment was really marred by the fact that I think you couldn’t really decide whether you wanted it funny and witty, or romantic and emotional, so you threw both parts in. As with all fics, this one needs an identity. I think it was a bit lacking in that because of the confused stance that you took.

But other than that, this is a small brilliance in itself, so well done!

Bonus marks: 3/5
I’m giving you the marks for good responses in your comment board, as well as having that magic spark that ignited the story.

Total mark: 72/100

Additional Comments:

I have an entirely unrelated question to ask you. Have you read Shakespeare before? -_- Because if you have, and found he “depict(s) the emotions so well.”, then I think you’re somewhat mad. *g* I’m sorry for that, but dear Will and I don’t exactly click on the emotional level.

Anyway, with regards to your review, I hope the marks aren’t too depressing. This is one of the better fics I’ve read in a long time, and I like it a lot. Sooo… Keep it up, and hear from ya soon!

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

*Crane Affinity*

Title: *Crane Affinity*

Author: Lovie

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovie7/

Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions

Title: 6/10O

…K… First things first, your title is rather… Interesting. I found it a little difficult to provide comments for your title, because the title is different, and therefore unique and that’s supposed to be a good thing. But your title just doesn’t appeal the way it should, and while yes, it IS effective and functional, it really doesn’t provide quite the way it should.

Hence the 6. Interesting, but not interesting enough to capture attention, falling in between the crevice of bland and phenomenal.

Poster and Background: 9/10

I love this. I think that the Poster was really well done, featuring all of your casts clearly, and providing a very clear emotional aspect of the story, or at least, what you tried to write. I like the faded feeling it gives me, coupled with the snapshots of Jiro and Ella, and Chun and Ella. It’s very Korean drama, in the good sort of way, giving a romantic dimension to your story page.

The background is something of a genius. Forgive the literary monster being awoken in me, but the tinge of the picture in the background reminds me of fading memories. It reminds me of the phase of letting go, and well, that’s excellent. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t exactly found an artist who does backgrounds that detail the page, yet are not as distracting.

This one really hits the spot. :)

Foreword: 8/10

Once again, another great foreword by Lovie. OK, I love the ending bit, because it IS the story in itself, but the foreword would be more perfect if you removed the top, introductory bit about Jiro, Ella and Chun. I would have liked to see a characterisation, instead of a listing when you introduced your characters, but well, this is enough for me.

Someone, give her an award for best forewords written on winglin! *g*Upon closer examination…

Cast Used: 2.5/5

The cast used is nothing special, and ripped from Hana Kimi directly, but I’d say two things, one positive, and one… slightly not so good. Good news first. I like the Jiro and Ella pairing. I like it, because it’s different from what we normally see: JiroSelina or ChunElla. So this one stands out in that fashion. On the other hand, there’s simply not enough characterisation to make this fic work. I think that characterisation was the downfall of this fic, eventually (together with one other factor, but more on that later), because with your strong cast, you should have worked round it to make the fic really a great one.

I know that there’re pre-conceived notions about your cast already, since there’re so many fics running around, and they’ve starred in so many different dramas. But sometimes pre-conceived notions could be a good thing to enforce your character traits. It didn’t work that way, really, in this fic.

Story and Plotting: 7/15

There’s only one thing I want to comment about the story, and another one thing about the plotting. First, the plotting. I thought that you did the planning well enough, and it shows up pretty well in your story with well-organised ideas and the whole thing going in sequence without any errors in the timing and stuff, so well done here.

However, the story is… The word for it is patchwork. You know, a patchwork quilt which consists of bits of cloth sewn together to form one? Yes, that’s exactly how your fic turned out to be. The issue with the story is not really the fact that it contains scenes from too many idol drama series, but more because you tried to squeeze too much into a span of 20 chapters. Too much information becomes overload. Try to limit it to one major, long, flowing storyline, then work on it and make it stand out. This is really too much in one.Language:

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Yay, applause for your language skills, because they aren’t really much of a problem. :) Just take note of two things. Don’t make your speech overly colloquial, that’s one. I know that your set is in Singapore, but that doesn’t give you the licence to use Singlish, ok? Keep the language proper, even during speeches, and the fic in general will increase in readability. Secondly, decide on your tense. In writing, unlike talking, the tense used SHOULD be past tense, but I’m pretty certain that you could work it around in present if you wanted to. The thing is, choose your tense, and stick with it throughout the fic. This piece keeps on alternating, and after a while, it becomes irritating.

Watch on the spelling too. The word is jazz in the foreword, not Jess. Jess is our friend. :)

Flow of Story: 6/10

Too rushed, but because of meticulous planning, things didn’t get wrecked up. With this sort of plot, things could last up to 40 chapters! You put so much in, it becomes a little cramped. The reader doesn’t get the time or space to breathe, and your plot runs too quickly to digest. Take it slow, and don’t let your good planning down.

Writing Style: 4/5
No worries here, but keep your tone slightly more formal. I don’t mean that you can’t write slangs, or laid back stuff, but keep your language… English.Overall feel…

Originality & Creativity: 9/15

You passed on the premise of your cast and the romantic idea of having cranes in your story. To be perfectly honest, I had rather high expectation when I first knew about your idea of have cranes in your story, because it was different, and it was romantic. But I guess you really didn’t work on that effect, and you chose to derail from that effort. The effect was a very limp fic, without a proper storyline that was yours and yours alone.

Too patchwork, and even that wasn’t properly written and worked about to create the effect you wanted. The quilt simply fell apart upon reading.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/10I’m sorry to say that I didn’t really enjoy this one. I admit to fast forwarding a lot of the stuff written in the middle chapters, only to find out that I wouldn’t have missed out on much by the end of everything. It moved too quickly at the start, too slowly in the middle, and picked up pace again at the end, but not without becoming all very predictable.

Not a very enjoyable read.

Bonus marks: 3/5

For linking back to MT (with the review) and replying to your readers, albeit sporadically.

Total mark: 65.5/100

Additional Comments: Well, I guess I could say that I’ve read (and reviewed) better from you. I suppose I could tell you to 加油! Keep writing, and I’m you’ll finally find your niche!

Until then, I’ll be keeping a lookout! :)

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

Repayment

Title: Repayment
Author: Minako
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/minak0
Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6/10

Hmmm the title seemed interesting. But, it lacks of creativity to attract the readers. It seems a bit too plain. You can improve on that! =]

Poster & Background: 0/10

I’m sorry. I can’t give you any marks because you didn’t have any poster or background at all. Although you didn’t really place emphasis on the poster and background, but it would certainly be better if you have one. It can enhance the particular mood you want to emphasise. =)

Foreword: 3/10

The foreword is too short. Practically, you’re just listing the characters out. It would certainly be better if you can include a little profile of the characters. Also, little prologue you had there isn’t attractive enough. It tells the readers a plain sad story, or a melancholic story, failing to keep the readers in suspense. Actually, I thought it would be better if you could include the first scene of the chapter as a prologue because it is certainly intriguing and intense. It will keep the readers in suspense. :)

Cast Used: 5/5

Hey, I like the casts here! I haven’t really had the chance to explore any of the fanfics with these casts. Nice one. =D

Originality & Creativity: 9/15

The plot you have here isn’t really creative. It was quite typical, as you have guess from the title. But it is still fine with me. It managed to keep me reading on. Perhaps, you could include one or two more scenes to place emphasis on “repayment”. :]

Story & Plotting: 11/15

The organization of ideas is good. I like your introduction, the “Bombshell”. You led the readers right into the climax of the story, which is intriguing. I love that excitement. Well done!

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10

So far, I didn’t spot any grammar or spelling mistakes. Good job. Also, your vocabulary is impressive. Keep up the good work! :D

Flow Of Story: 8.5/10

Basically, your story is flowing very smoothly and clear organization of ideas could be seen. However, there are times where I would stop to wonder if that scene is a flashback. Do take note of that. But, don’t worry. That’s just a gentle reminder. The flow of story is still smooth. Keep it up!

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Since you made a note to me, I decided to comment more on this criterion.

Personally, I think that your writing style is unique and impressive. It did catch my attention when I read your story.

Your writing style can be clearly distinguished from others. That is - precise and concise. I love the way you include precise words to create certain impactful impressions in the readers. For example, “The dagger was still excavated in his dying flesh.” and “She brusquely hauled the lethal instrument free from the falling body”. Both sentences were really well written, successfully evoking feelings in the readers upon reading them. That was well done.

However, that powerful image that was portrayed soon faded away because the story changed to plain narrative story after so. Not much as concise words were included to portray an impactful image in the readers. That was quite a pity because I expected you to write an impactful ending, with perhaps an extraordinary outstanding visual image.

Secondly, your story is narrated from a third person point of view. This is special and quite unexpected because I expected you to write the story in a first person perspective. After reading your story, I thought it was quite a good job done. It is still as exciting as ever. But, perhaps it would be better if you can try writing in a first person perspective. The image portrayed would probably be more powerful as you shaped Tavia into a more understanding character.

But, nevertheless, I still like the writing style. Keep it up. :D

Overall Enjoyment: 6.5/10

As I have said before, I LOVE the introduction. Simply love it. It kept me is suspense. However, as it continued to the end, I found it to be quite disappointing. It just ended with an anti-climax sort of ending. Perhaps, you can improve on that?

Bonus marks: 3.5/5
1.5 marks for the efforts you put in your fanfic. 2 marks for the nice writing style. Keep it up! =D

Total mark: 65/100
Additional comments: Firstly, a big sorry to you! I took so long to complete this. Pardon me.
Secondly, I think you lose your marks on poster and background. That was a pity because your fanfic is a good one.
Last but not least, please do not feel offended by what I have commented if you disagree with me. In case you have enquires, contact me by my email. Continue to keep the good work. Good luck to your fanfics and all the best. :DD

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr

*Wishes Made Under Midnight-Tree*

Title: *Wishes Made Under Midnight-Tree*
Author: Lovie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovie11/
Reviewed By: v

Title: 10/10
Since it’s a Midnight-Tree’s challenge, I shall award full marks, since Lovie didn’t have a choice over it.

Poster & Background: 8/10
It’s a pretty nice poser. The dark background of the fan fiction and the gloomy effect in the poster indicated a sad emotion. The quote, ‘We’re calling for a last miracle…’ further adds on to the melancholy. But I thought Hebe’s picture was rather blurred, hence the couple of marks deducted.

Foreword: 9/10
A nice foreword which was slightly different from what I’ve imagined. The forewords were rather sweet, with Hebe dressed prettily, off to meet Jae Joong, probably her lover (from what I’ve concluded after seeing the poster). By including wild animals commonly found in the woods and the Enchanted Forest injected some innocence to the story.

It ended, leaving me hanging there, desperately trying to figure out the reason for Jae Joong to present Hebe a tree as a present. I’m not a J-pop fan, hence I can only judge Jae Joong by the personalities you had infused and also the expression he had in the poster.

Cast Used: 4/5
Hebe and Jae Joong was a new pairing, I believe. I’ve never read any fan fictions with them. But casts aside, I like the way Hebe sounded child-like while, Jae Joong was pretty much being prudish, well-mannered and friendly.

Originality & Creativity: 10/15
The story is quite original and creative, since not many stories include childhood fantasies such as speaking to animals and having found a wish-granting tree. Even though that part on animals was just Hebe’s dream.

However, the accidental discovery of Jae Joong’s diary and Jae Joong leaving Hebe for studies, are now a common scene found in stories. This was where the other five marks went to.
Story & Plotting: 10/15There isn’t much to find fault with except of the two overused scenes which I had mentioned earlier. I like the way you ended the story. It wasn’t exactly a ‘end’, thus allows readers to exercise their imagination and figure if Jae Joong would come back soon, or would Hebe give up waiting. It makes me think of the Midnight Tree too, if anyone would find it and wish for something sincerely.

And I guess that’s all about it.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
I didn’t spot any spelling mistakes, or wrong sentence structure. Sophisticated vocabulary words were found, almost in all chapters posted. But no one can really score full marks for language… right?

Flow Of Story: 9/10
The story flowed well, I wasn’t very much lost, the way I sometimes would.

Writing Style: 4/5
Extensive descriptions permit images to be formed in the reader’s mind, allowing the readers to relate to the story better.

Perfect it may seem, I do think there’s room for a greater improvement. After all, there isn’t really a perfect writing style, is there?

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I did enjoy the story, and had wished a couple of times that the real ending would be in Chapter 6. Obviously, the Midnight Tree doesn’t grant me my wishes.
(:

Bonus marks: 5/5
I award you full marks in this section because I believe every story has this little X-factor. And I do think yours does. I like the last few sentences in the story, ‘It remains unknown and mysterious. But, there’s something for sure. I know Midnight Tree will not let me down.’ Total mark: 86/100 Additional comments:Thanks for being my very first official review. Your story is really good, but like I’ve mentioned, there really isn’t a perfect (insert marking scheme criteria here). There’s always a room for improvements, even if you’re close to perfect. And good luck with your future fan fictions (:

Reviewed by v @ midnight-tree.co.nr

So Your Roomate Is A Pervert?

Title: So Your Roomate Is A Pervert?
Author: Lamer_

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lamer_001

Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title
Since it’s a challenge fic, I don’t I have the right to comment about the title at all.

Poster&Background
As with the title, I do recongise that the poster/background was universal for all that particular challenge so it isn’t justified for me to comment.

Foreword: 6/10
I had a little problem giving marks for this foreword. I do recongise that the forewords was a pretty good attempt in introducing suspense. But I don’t think the command of the language brings out the emotions in me. So basically the low side of the marking is more due to the language than the content.

Cast Used: 1/4
I can’t exactly comment on your choice or characters, because Chun/Ella is already fixed in the poster. So I will take away 1 mark for the choice of characters, making the total upon 4 in instead of 5.

Well ,I was actually quite impressed by the characterization of Hebe and Jiro at first. I liked how Jiro kept begging Hebe to let Chun live. It was actually very realistic. All the praises that flow in just because you want someone to do something for you. Again, like the forewords, your language don’t seem to be able to bring out some of the things you have in your head, which I personally felt it was a pity.

But I had a little problem after Chun came into the picture. From Jiro’s explanation, I was expecting a very perverted Chun, but there were two problems. I didn’t think Chun was very perverted. Second, I feel that your characterization isn’t very sustained throughout the fic. It actually felt like you forgot that Chun was a pervert in some chapters and so you decided to forcefully add some pervertic things he does in the next chapter.

Another problem I had was the introduction of so many characters in the fic. Was it really necessary to give all of them boyfriends? Besides Hebe/Jiro and possibly David whom I understand their roles in the story, I don’t exactly see why the rest of the “gang” should be in the story. It felt like a name dropping session.

Unimpressed.

Originality & Creativity: 5/15
Don’t mind the harshness. But what originality? Nothing out of the box, yes, even the Ella had a sad childhood part didn’t exactly appeal to me either.

Story&Plotting: 7.5/15
Well, I can’t fail you in this section because I know what is going on in the fic. But there are a few major flaws. It kinda crosses with the cast section actually. So yea. Firstly it’s the character problem which I mentioned in the cast section. Your characters are not consistent at all.

Secondly, I had a problem with how SUDDENLY Chun fall in love with Ella and vice versa. I am not sure whether you intended it or not but it made both Chun and Ella sounded pretty desperate for a partner. Logically speaking, I don’t think anyone can fall in love with someone THAT fast after such a heartbreaking epiodes which you later introduced.

Thirdly, Jiro used to like Ella? And still asked Hebe to be a girlfriend? Er. In a nice way, I would say that Jiro is well, weird. In a bad way, he’s an idiot. I mean you are saying Jiro can like two people at the same time? I call it an emotional fallacy, you can have a crush on someone and love someone at the same time, but not love two people at the same time.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10

I am actually only at chapter 1 and I realized that your grammar is causing a lot of problems. It’s not THAT bad such that the reader (me) cannot understand what is going on, but it is enough to irritate me.

One thing to note though, the FULLSTOPS! It kinda got me a little -_- when I see an overdose of …. When it is not needed. Maybe this is just me.

Flow Of Story: 5/10
I am actually using the same paragraph as one of my previous reviews. It pretty much sums up what I want to say.

I understand the story. But like I have said in the story & plotting section, it's way too choppy and I don't see how people can like the person within the snap of my fingers. One thing to add though, I don't think anyone can score well for flow if the story/plotting is not very well done as these two are pretty much linked.

Writing Style: 2/5
Well, I don’t think there’s much of a style from you.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/10
I did not enjoy your fic, personally. So there goes. Then again, it’s hard to get me to enjoy a fic, so well.

Bonus marks: 3/5
For daring to let me review your fic although you know I would be ruthless. I guess you really wanted to learn. So that’s a big PLUS. And I can see that you actually some nice ideas in your head. There’s something very honest and down to earth about your fic that I liked. And I think you deserve some bonus marks because I can see that you tried. And well, I think your language was subtly also dragged down your marks in like plotting and cast so I think I should repay that back.

Total mark: 35.5/79 (~45/100)

Additional comments:
You don’t hate me after this right? You still love me right, boss :P Anyhows, like I have said throughout the review, I think the major problem is your language. When your linguistic ablities isn’t as good, it pretty much hides away other good parts of your fic. Is like having a lousy pen when writing. No matter how good your handwriting is, somehow the final product won’t be as good as it should be.


Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)

Strings of Complication

Title: Strings of Complication

Written by: Miyuki

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/miyuki
Reviewed By: imgnts

Title: 8/10
It’s a lovely title and brings a really soothing feeling but it doesn’t seem to be relating to your story yet, it might be because it’s not done yet or not to the climax.
Poster & Background: 9/10
Really pretty poster used, I really like the instrument in the background. I think you could have made the sub title a different other than green because that seems to not match the colour of your story as much. I like the quotes in the poster though, it’s really tells us something about the story.

Foreword: 6/10
Your foreword was really interesting, but it doesn’t really give enough information about the story itself and I’m not sure how the foreword was related to the story itself either.
Cast Used: 4/5
The amount of characters you chose was a good number, not too much and not too little, but then some confusions is that your poster contains more than you have wrote about so far, but they might be coming out later.
Originality & Creativity: 12/15
I like how it has a fairytale aura within the story, maybe because of the “Highness” and “Princess/Prince” but it just seems really fairytale like but in a way also like a tragic fairytale so far, but it might get better, or it might not.

Story & Plotting: 12/15
Your story is like a fairytale, but also not in a way and because of how your foreword was a bit confusing, it seems like there is no plot behind the story. But somehow, it’s kind of like a story which brings surprises every chapter.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
No grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes that I’ve noticed, and the level of vocabulary used is good.
Flow of Story: 8/10
The flow of the story is really smooth but from the foreword to the first chapter, I was confused because it was talking about someone being cornered by guys and then it goes on to a princess… but other than that, it was well done.
Writing Style: 4/5
Your style of writing is really easy to follow but sometimes, it’s confusing because I when I read it, I didn’t know who said which dialogues.
Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10
At some parts of the story, I’m really confused about what is happening and at some parts it can be exciting, but overall, I think it might be because you haven’t finished your story yet, or you might want to be more precise on some parts in the story.
Bonus marks: 2/5
For making a story and dedicating it to a friend, really thoughtful of you to do that.
Total mark: 82.5/100

Memories of Love

Title: Memories of Love
Author: Stephie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/swan_memory/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 7.5/10
I promise you, I’ve seen that title flying around somewhere on winglin. *winks* It’s a dreadfully common title, and I must say that it lacks creativity on the whole. Yes, it says something about the story, which is why it is effective and therefore accomplishes its objective as a title, but it is not eye-catching enough. Compare this to say, a single word title, or a song, or a date, this one definitely loses out in appeal. Nevertheless, it still manages to fulfil what it sets out to do (to inform and to summarise), so it still does what a title ought to do.

Poster and Background: 5/10
I must shamefully admit that I’m not into art, but this one was really a little off-putting for me. Simply because, it makes the whole fic look old. I was inclined to escape from the fic upon looking at the contents page because of the background and the poster, which gives it a very… Grandmother feel. I think it has to be the flowers in the whole thing. The art lacks the emotional quality that the fic promises, and coupled with the title, the whole effect is just a bit strange. I’m not sure what to say about it, because the whole effect is just not modern enough. Not to mention the fact that the background got really distracting by the time it was Chapter 2.

Try a new poster with more emotion injected into it, and a plain background. That should do it.

Foreword: 8/10
Near perfect! Just try to introduce the cast in the foreword as well. No need for elaborate, character listing and tiresome introductions, but the addition of a single line to mention who’ll be starring in your fic would be nice. (Keep in mind that mine’s a direct link, so I don’t get to see who’s in your fic in the “Main Artiste(s)” column).

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 4.5/5
Who should I score on? *g* First, for our dear Edison and Gillian, I like the pairing, personally, but I’m not about to let my heart rule over my head. I’d say that it’s not a terribly new pairing, so it’s not creative enough, and the fact that the both of them are so overused means that I don’t see any new dimension to their relationship being fitted together. Kudos on the second pair though, Nicholas and Gillian isn’t conventional, which is why I like it. Fresh sparks always make it fun.

Characterisation wise, I’d say that you could have worked a little more on the description of Nicholas and Edison. In particular, the latter was a little lacking in his personality in this piece. Perhaps it was the first-person point of view that did it, but I think he gradually became a little forgettable. After a while, I couldn’t really see what Gillian remembered in him, and what she saw in Nicholas that reminded her of him.

Story and Plotting: 11/15
Well done on your plotting! The story is clichéd, I can’t lie about it, but I think the main point of this piece wasn’t really the love story between Edison and Gillian, and how it happened, yadda yadda… But more, I think, the thoughts and feelings of Gillian. The material isn’t new, but the way you handled it made me a bit teary by the end of the whole fic, and the fic managed to capture my attention until the very end. In particular, I enjoyed reading the epilogue.

There’re sad fics, there’re happy ones, but no one dares (or wants) to handle poignant material. I’m glad you took the leap, and I’m happy to tell you that it worked.

Well done.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
No major issues in this section, only some typoes here and there, and a few punctuation slip-ups (which I suspect they might possibly be typoes as well). I would have liked to see a little more language pointing to how Gillian felt about recounting the times she shared with Edison, though. As a whole, it was good.
Flow of Story: 8/10
There was one major hiccup in your story, but I guess it was necessary. You see, the death of Edison was introduced in a very strange way. I think it was not so much about how it really was, but how you introduced it that was the problem. Perhaps if you didn’t write the third chapter the way you did, then it might have flowed a little better. Having Gillian witnessing the death of Edison meant that the story didn’t flow well from the second leading to the third one, and it shows rather obviously.

Writing Style: 5/5
Well done. It’s so easy to read, so easy to connect and to empathise with Gillian since this is in first-person. It adds to the poignancy of the story, and that really made the story stand out.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 10/15
In this scoring system, 8 go to originality and 7 to creativity. You scored 4 in the first section, and 6 in the latter. Let me explain. Your story isn’t new. It’s not fresh out of the press and different from others. It wouldn’t stand out in the bunch of fics playing with this material: girl meets boy, boy pokes fun at girl, they fall in love, boy dies, and girl tries to get over his death. This is especially true since you have to contend with the load of Chunellas out there who love to use this particular set of material. Which is why it scores lowly on the storyline.

On the other hand, though, I really, really enjoyed reading this in first person. I wouldn’t say it was terribly weepy and melancholic, and if you had taken that path, it would have spoilt the story, but I’d say it was… Tender. I really liked this one because it used the first-person voice, nailed it, and maximised all the advantages a first-person voice could give it.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Save for the hiccup, all was well. The fic was believable, and the fact that it wasn’t weepy made it really wonderful. I liked the tone in the fic, simply because you were just recounting the events, and by doing so, it made the whole thing look as if Gillian had really gotten over Edison and was ready to start a new life with her new husband. True, she’d always love him, but the tone said that she had recovered, she was braver, stronger and more ready to face challenges – this time with a new person in her life.

Bonus marks: 5/5
Linking back to MT: Check.
Replying to readers: Check.
Having the X-factor: Check. I’d give you extra if it was possible.
Good work here.
Total mark: 80/100
Additional Comments: Well done! I really enjoyed reading this one, and that includes the fact that your story was actually complete by the time you sent it in for review. I think you handled your material very well, and yes, when you’re looking at this sort of fic, it’s really a fine line between touching and clichéd. I’m glad that you actually managed to work things out and the fic turned out to be wonderful, so great!

It’s a good fic, and well, understand that I’m a strict reviewer. So yes, let me extend apologies if this review falls short of you expectations.

Looking out for more by you soon!
Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

[Lies Hurt More Than Truth]

Title: [Lies Hurt More Than Truth]
Author: Lovie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovie9/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 6/10
I’m not sure what to make of the title, because I don’t see its obvious link to the story, except, maybe, the fact that Hebe was suffering in silence and not telling Arron about it. It appears a little bland, and I couldn’t really see the pun (yes, I read Jess’ review on your fic) that was supposed to be intended. Not to mention the fact that I picked up a grammatical mistake in your title, or maybe it wasn’t intended… But shouldn’t it read Lies Hurt More Than The Truth rather than what you’ve named your fic? J

Nevertheless, a rather effective effort, although nothing to really celebrate about.

Poster and Background: 7/10
I have to say that I like the poster and the background. Special mention to the poster, because the whole effect is just so pretty. So melancholic. The small details really make a large difference, because with Arron looking so pensive, complete with the clock and the flowers at the side… I mean it. I wish I had the skill to do up something like that.

Only problem is, I think the poster and background quality doesn’t manage to capture the correct emotional aspects of your fic. It’s a simple tragedy, so keep the poster and background as simple as possible. Even no background would be good here. The poster is displaying overly dramatic undertones and its too dark, something that your story doesn’t focus on.

Foreword: 9/10
Yes! Finally… After numerous attempts, here we have it, the near perfect foreword! You introduced the casts sufficiently for me, although I would have liked that you either did the introduction without the ages (which makes it more clean cut) or gave each character a voice and personality attached to him or her directly in the forward (which gives each of them a distinct character). But what really stands out is the prologue there. It sets the pace of the whole fic, gives people an introduction to your writing style, and like a movie trailer, leads people into the full storytelling.

This is what I call a foreword.

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 3.5/5
Slightly overused, but I like the pairing very much, so I won’t grudge against that. Ariel Lin comes in as a refreshing change, as opposed to Selina or Rainie, so well done there as well. Two things. Firstly, decide whether you want Ariel or Rainie, because the latter’s name pops up in the last chapter instead of Ariel. I believe it was a typo, but that was enough to throw me into a bit of confusion. Characterisation wise, I’d wish it was more fully developed and less narrative in its approach. Characters are different from storylines, and somehow, I didn’t quite sense the distinction in your fic.

Story and Plotting: 9/15
I’m not dreadfully impressed but your story, but I guess it works for me. The story’s really simple, and simplicity works for you. I don’t really know what to say about the plot, because it’s a one-track plot, and this is a one-shot (or two-shot) story. Being short has its merits, but I don’t think you managed to work that out properly enough to pull this off as something outstanding.

It’s a good fic, and it’s obvious that you worked hard to try and bring out the emotional parts of your fic with all the long passages about Arron inside. I liked how you became Hebe and wrote in first person, it gives another dimension to the plot, but the length of the whole thing just came about so quickly that I didn’t even know what hit me by the end of it. Really, I was kind of surprised when Hebe suddenly struck ill and died, just like that. The ending, in particular, was a waste of the whole effect you managed to get in your earlier parts. What a pity.

Like I said, it’s a good fic, it’s just not outstanding.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Good command of language, I won’t fault on your choice of words and all that jazz. The story manages to flow along quite well, and it works out for me.

Just keep an eye on the choice of tense. Decide if you want past or present (in your case, it should be past). The mixed up tenses throughout the whole story is just not pretty.
Flow of Story: 6/10
This isn’t too bad either, except for the fast forwarded bits that spoilt the storytelling by the end of the fic. The ending came a little too abruptly, coupled with the realisation that Hebe had heart disease and was going to die. It was just too sudden, I couldn’t handle the speed enough to grapple with the emotions. Choose. Speed, or emotional aspects. If you choose the former, then keep it to a single chapter. If you choose the latter, extend it by one chapter, including a scene in the doctor’s room. It’s just friendly advice, hope you don’t mind. J

Another major gripe that cost you points: the use of flashbacks in your first chapter. I have nothing against flashbacks, but I absolutely detest the use of the term “flashback” in the writing. Use dates, or use your strong command of language to write about a distant memory of Hebe’s. “Flashback” spoils the flow, and it hurts the writing.

Writing Style: 5/5
I like it. Really. I guess some people might just dismiss the style that you adopted as something really emotional, but I suspect my take on your writing might be a little different in perspective. I like it simply because you were almost narrating. There were emotional passages, but those didn’t shine as much as the bits where you write in a very narrative style.

Let me give an example: “That night, I cried myself to sleep.”

Hebe almost deadpans. It’s almost emotional, but it captures so much more than the passage of emotional “why”s and “how”s that follow. It’s succinct, factual, and it manages to bring out the imagery very well. Good job!

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 9/15
There’s nothing much to creativity that I can talk about, except for the fact that you worked a simple storyline, and the simple storyline worked for you. I haven’t really seen this storyline anywhere on TV, be it in dramas or movies, Taiwanese, TVB or Korean, so I suppose it qualifies as something that’s refreshing, a change from the usual stuff we see around.

Only problem is, I wasn’t terribly impressed, because for some reason, as I was reading your fic, there seemed to be a sense of déjà vu that hit me. It was as if I had seen this somewhere before – it seemed familiar, but then again, it didn’t really look that way. (Am I confusing you? Email if you are. -_-) You see, creativity comes about when your plot and ending is different. With such a plot, you already are being in the Orange region, and you’re doomed to have an ending that’s potentially very predictable. With your ending, you effectively ended up in the ultimate danger zone of becoming clichéd.

But I’m guessing, with your plot, you can’t really conjure up an ending that’s really different from all other fics. Its either she dies, she leaves, they end up together, or she remains heartbroken for the rest of her life. Either of those permutations draws you into the Red zone, and I’ve yet to think of a way to avoid that. So… 9 marks for you.

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
I enjoyed your fic, really. Despite all the gripes I had about it, it made a good, leisurely read. The good language was a real treat, and I enjoyed reading it.

Pity about the speed, though, and the title that made it look normal.

Bonus marks: 5/5
Linking back to MT: 2 marks.
Replying to readers: 2 marks.
Having the X-factor: 1 mark (on top of your overall enjoyment marks).
Presenting a good read on a lazy afternoon: Priceless.

Total mark: 73.5/100
Additional Comments: A great fic, really! A really earnest attempt at writing something like that. Erm… I’m hoping you could try to approach material that’s slightly more challenging and different, and perhaps have an element in your story apart from the love and romance bit, so that your stories would appear richer and more interesting.

Nevertheless, this is great, and I’m around for more!
Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

A Melodious Curse [One-Shot]

Title: A Melodious Curse [One-Shot]
Author: WZ
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/WZ2/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 8/10
First impressions, this one caught my eye. I didn’t see this amongst the fics when it was first posted, if not I’d be sure to have clicked it. A title’s meant to stand out amongst all the fics and yours definitely had the X-factor that made it shine. Curiosity killed the cat, but it wouldn’t kill the person who clicked on the title. Pity about how it was a little boring, and risks being easily dismissed as something that’s ordinary.

Which is why it gets an 8 and not full 10 marks in this section.

Poster and Background: 10/10
This is perfect. I like everything about this, really. I’m not an art person, but this nature of the poster got me. It’s a thinking poster, at least to me, it’s a thinking one. It sets your imagination going. The poster’s a bit abstract, but I guess it does suit the mood of your whole piece, including the story. The story’s the main feature here, granted, but the moment someone clicks on the link to the contents page, your poster becomes the feature that people look and get drawn instantly to. Excellent work here.

Perhaps also a mention of your background. Background irritate me to no end, but this one is fine. I like the whispering effect it gives, so apt in a fic that spells secrecy and mystery.

Foreword: 5/10
I wouldn’t score highly, and I suspect you know why. As always, bad news first. The foreword is skimpy, and it says nothing at all as to what is going to happen in the fic. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and say that this fic comes about as something that’s not really a fic, but rather, a piece of writing, hence the foreword is pretty unnecessary. Which explains the lack of detail in your foreword. But keep in mind that you are writing a fic, no matter how different this one offers itself up to be, and an important part of the fic is the foreword. Give some background, or some characterisation, or just some rambling around that introduces your story to others and sets up the stage for the play. It shows thoughtfulness, and it shows that you respect the readers and your writing.

On the other hand though, you didn’t fail this section simply due to the fact that your writing doesn’t require a foreword. Couple that with some sort of introduction being made, and there you have it. 5 marks.

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 3/5
I award for cast, and I award for characterisation. This one has no recognisable cast, which I’m sorry to say, I can’t award any marks for that. But on the other hand, it has beautiful characterisation, and both personalities are handled very well. So full marks for the latter, none for the former (I’m dreadfully sorry to say). Nevertheless, how wonderful to read something like this.

Story and Plotting: 12/15
You’ve planned and you’ve told the tale. The effort you put into the whole story is obvious, starting from the very first word here. I have three things to say. Firstly, this is really a great piece of writing. It’s descriptive, and it brings the reader to a different place where he or she is. While reading it, I could almost envision the images that you’ve put into place. I’m a musician, and yes, I could hear Debussy playing in the background while I was reading your fic. Well done.

Secondly, it is admittedly, a bit abstract. As a reviewer, I can’t really tell if you mean what you say in the fic, or if it is an allusion to something bigger and larger than what is written inside. I won’t give a literary analysis of the piece, and while reviewing this, I chose to take the piece at face value (excuse me if I wasn’t supposed to), so it’s being treated as a subtle love story, coupled with excellent descriptive passages. But I guess being abstract is alright, it leaves room for the imagination to roam.

Number three, and the reason why you got a 12. I won’t say there’s no plot, or if there’s barely a plot, but it seems to me that the main focus of the whole piece is to describe. If I am correct, then yes, it has achieved its aim. The only problem is, the main purpose of storytelling is to tell a story, and this one exists on the fact that your storyline isn’t exceptionally obvious on the first read. I admit taking a few more reads before I actually began writing the review (which explains the length of time I took), and it took a slightly longer time for me to warm up to it compared to other, more straightforward fics. But as I said earlier, this isn’t necessarily bad. You’re a strong writer, and it shows up in the one.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
Brilliant language, excellent writing, wonderful descriptions. I can’t think of anything that’s possibly bad about the piece, but I’m mean; I don’t ever give full marks for language, and this one’s no exception. *winks*
Flow of Story: 7/10
Its short story, and I understand if things flow a little faster than normal. But this one was really too fast for a very comfortable read. “Every evening forth, he waited for her by the piano, his eyes smoldering with joy upon her arrival….Nights turned to weeks as the two’s relationship expanded from mere friendship to a bonded companionship.” It seems like the relationship just happened in a span of one chapter, and it leave me wishing that you had expanded on it a little more generously. It helps in the flow of the story, and it becomes richer in the plot component as well.
Writing Style: 4/5
Abstract. I’ve said it, and I’ll say it again. This is not something that appeals to all readers, and it’s not something that should be taken lightly and read as a coffee table text on a hot Sunday afternoon. Take a step back, read it on a Saturday night with classical music in the background and in a moderately intellectual state of mind. (haha) I had to take some time to put this into perspective, really.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 13/15
It’s original! On winglin, at least. It’s amazing how a simple story like your stands out so well against the complicated plots of numerous idol drama spinoffs, or lame schemes to get the guy. I liked this one in that it was simple, yet complex at the same time. The creativity of the piece shines through. It is beautiful, haunting and well, it reminds me of water in a stream: clear, flowing and refreshing.

Excellent work.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I enjoyed it, yes, although after a while, I decided that I should give up trying to guess what you were trying to say as a larger meaning and take the piece as it is. I don’t mean this in a bad way, because it’s so wonderfully written. But the thing about all wonderfully written books and texts is that they often have a larger, more complex theme behind it. Just look at George Orwell and Animal Farm (I’m sure you’re familiar), such a simple story, but with such a large meaning behind it and a social commentary in children’s book. This one is just like that. I couldn’t figure out what it might be trying to say, so I took it as a simple love story.

Not that it doesn’t work out well that way, because I enjoyed it as well. J

Bonus marks: 3/5
For a great read and the production notes at the back. I like the behind the scenes bit, and I wish every fic could have it. It brings the readers closer to the author. Not to mention the fact that you responded to the comments on the board as well, aptly too, and that’s very good. The other two should go to linking back to MT, which sadly, you didn’t, so… J
Total mark: 82/100
Additional Comments: I’m for slightly more emotional pieces, and this one didn’t really invoke feelings in my heart, but rather, it started my brain going. How rare. -_- Nevertheless, this IS an outstanding piece, and you’ve really written it very well! This, however, on my end, wasn’t an easy piece to review. Maybe you’d embark on slightly more accessible material in the future, and send it in for review again?

Good luck, and I’m really, really hoping to see your wonderful pieces around again.
Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

When Loving You is so Hard

Title: When loving you is so hard

Author: ZeNd

URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/lucifera2

Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6/10

Although I agree very much with that title, but I can’t really give you a good grade for this because it has been overly-used and lacks of brightness. A point to remember, a title is very important for a story because it is the only overview of the story it can be seen on the website. Thus, you will have to be more creative in order to attract the readers. Work harder =)

Poster & Background: 9/10

Hey, I like that poster. It is pretty and well done. However, I think you background seems to be plain. It would certainly be better if you could request for a background too. Just a little suggestion for you. =]

Foreword: 5/10

To me, the forewords you have here is incomplete. The preview seems too brief. Too brief to keep the readers in suspense. As for the character introduction, it is also too brief. Last but not least, in overall, the forewords revealed a typical storyline which may not interest readers at all. But, I give you a pass because at least, you made the efforts to work on your forewords. Kindly edit it and improve it! I’m sure it’s going to be a much better one than before!

Cast Used: 4/5

I have to admit, this is the first time I have seen these casts. I’m not really familiar with them, but I still like the sound of it. Good job. =)

Originality & Creativity: 8/15

As I have said just now, the forewords reflects quite a typical storyline. The story lacks of some climaxes to interest the readers. Perhaps, due to the incomplete story, the story has not hit the main action yet. So, I would suggest, request again after you have completed the story. Work harder! =]

Story & Plotting: 10/15

I shan’t double-penalise you on your story plot. But, as for the plotting of the story, I have a little suggestion for you. I thought it be better if you could leave a cliff-hanger at the end of each chapter to keep the readers in suspense, and make them want to read more! Is that alright? :D

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/10

I spotted some mistakes in spelling and grammar. But, it isn’t too bad in overall. Just remember to check your work after each chapter, using the Microsoft Words. =)
Flow Of Story: 8/10

Generally, the flow of story is smooth. Ideas are well organized. Keep up the good work, girl! =D

Writing Style: 3/5

With regards to your writing style, I’m actually alright with it. However, I find it confusing when you insert the dates. I might be confused when the event is taking place, is it a flashback or something… Do take note of that. But, don’t worry. It’s really alright. :)

Overall Enjoyment: 6.5/10

As I have said previously, the story lacks of some brightness to interest the readers. But generally, I still enjoy this story because I will get so tensed when I read the conflict between DongHae and Yoochun. That was nice. Continue to work hard! :DD

Bonus marks: 2.5/5

There are just some tiny mistakes here and there. It would certainly be better if you take not of them and make changes to them. =DD

Total mark: 69/100

Additional comments: Hellos! Here’s the review! In overall, I gave a 69. But please do not be discouraged by it. Your story is good, but it would certainly if you put in more efforts. I’m sure. =) So, I hope you make the necessary changes to the story. What matters the most is, enjoy writing! Keep up the good work. I will try to pop in whenever possible, to read your story. Don’t worry, you have my support. :)

If you have any enquires, contact me by email or leave me a tag at Midnight Tree. Good luck to your fanfic! :DD

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr

Forever and a Day

Title: Forever and a Day

Author: by [[ SuGaR pLuMz ]]

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SuGaRpLuMz/

Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 7.5/10

Lovely Title.. It attracts my attention when I first see it.. Nice one

Poster & Background = 7.5/10

I find the poster nice and lovely.. Pretty match the theme of the story.. :)

Foreword = 7.5/10

A pretty short phrase or maybe so call poem to start the foreword was a pretty nice idea.. But i suggest you to make a little cast intro to kick off the foreword to let the reader understand more about the story.. JUst a penny of my thought

Cast = 4/5

I find that Chun and Ella pairing was pretty overuse in winglin.. But i like how you shape the character in the story.. :)


Originality & Creativity = 11.5 /15

Pretty common type of plot.. But some emotional part in the story enhance the story a little.. :) The sad part of ella waitting for her love to be return really made me feel so sad.. I mark up the points for the effort you put in to made the story more emotional yet interesting..




Plot = 11.5/15

I mention above that the plot is pretty commonly seen i winglin.. But i mark up for the emotional parts in the story as i can see some effort put in for that.. :)

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 8.5/10

Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 7.5/10


The story was smooth.. I like how it goes.. Good job.. The idea was well manage and organise in the story.. :) Good Job.. :)

Writing Style: 3.5/5

I like the way you write your story.. Clean and clear.. Easy to follow.. Good job.. :)


Overall enjoyment = 7.5/10

I really enjoy very much at some part.. But certain part of the story are pretty boring and rush sometimes.. But overall it's still a lovely story.. :) Couldn't say much as the story ain't finish yet, so do sent in for another round of review when you complete it..

Bonus Mark: 3/5

For your effort on some parts with emotional scene..

Total: 72

Additional Comment: Your story is nice and lovely.. Continue to update it then.. :) Good Luck.. :P

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr

Doppleganger

Title: Doppelganger

Author: by Ji Yul

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Twin_Ji_Yul

Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 9.5/10

Lovely Title.. It attracts my attention when I first see it.. Unique in it own way..
Poster & Background = 9.5/10
Nice poster.. It suit the theme and genre of the story very much.. :)

Foreword = 8/10

Well.. You start off with a start paragraph of the story which interest me to read on.. But you didn’t have any character intro to let the reader know more about the cast.. Maybe next time you can add in a little intro first to kick off for the foreword..

Cast = 4/5
I have no much comment about the casting.. Just love how you shape up the character in the story

Originality & Creativity = 13 /15
Interesting storyline.. Lovely flow of the story.. Nice job.. Although it tend to be a confusing at times, but overall I love your idea of those mystery and horror part in the story.. The creativity-ness help out a bit in the story.. Maybe you can try to let your imagination runs wilder for more horror or mystery part.. Just a penny of my thoughts.. :)
Plot = 14/15Great.. I love how the story flow till it ends.. But it’s weird in certain chapter but I do enjoy very much the weird yet interesting story you wrote.. :)
Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 9/10
Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 8/10

The story flow was amazing.. I like how it’s written and I totally adore it.. But I tend to lost in some part Jaejoong become confused about stuff and etc.. But my doubts and confusion are all clear up after finish reading all.. Good job.. :)

Writing Style: 4.5/5

I adore your writing style.. It’s uniquely yours way.. I like how you shape up each and every character of the story and the way you twist and turn the story..
Overall enjoyment = 9/10
I really did enjoy the story.. It’s lovely and nice.. I totally love your writing style.. All the best for you future story..

Bonus Mark: 4/5

I can see your effort in writing good chapter out in the story.. Keep up the good work..
Total: 92.5Additional Comment: I really love your writing style and your story very much.. Unique and lovely in it’s own way.. :)

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr

The Joint Of Hell And Heaven

Title: The Joint Of Hell And Heaven

Author: by Ji Yul

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Angel_Ji_Yul

Reviewed by: Lamer_


Title = 9.5/10

Interesting Title.. Very catchy yet unique in it’s own way.. It attract my attraction when I first saw it..

Poster & Background = 9/10

Lovely poster use.. It suit the theme of the story very much..

Foreword = 8.5/10

A much detail info about the story genre and the cast.. The story start on the foreword made me look forward to read on the story.. Good Job..

Cast = 4/5

Well.. I hardly read up about Korean artistes fanfic.. But nice casting.. I love how you shape up the character in the story..

Originality & Creativity = 13.5 /15

Interesting storyline.. Lovely flow of the story.. Nice job.. I love those sweet scene between the King of Hell and the King of Heaven.. The storyline is much it’s own style and unique in it’s own way..

Plot = 13.5/15

Great.. I love how the story flow till now.. It’s very unique in it’s own way.. Nice Job..

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 9/10

Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 7.5/10

The story flow was amazing.. I like how it’s written and I totally adore it.. But I tend to lost in some part when YunHo turns bad and etc.. But.. Everything is clear after some time.. Good Job.. :)

Writing Style: 4.5/5

I adore your writing style.. It’s uniquely yours way.. I like how you shape up each and every character of the story and some exciting parts..

Overall enjoyment = 8.5/10

I really did enjoy the story.. It’s lovely and nice.. Continue to update it.. :) Keep up the good job.. :)

Bonus Mark: 4/5

I can see your effort in writing good chapter out in the story.. Keep up the good work.. Continue to update it.. :)

Total: 91.5

Additional Comment: I really adore your story so much and hook on it.. :) Continue to update it.. Your story is really unique and lovely.. :) I am also VERY sorry about this very late review.. It was previously under another reviewer but she sort of went missing for action for a long time so i took over it and review it.. VERY SORRY.. I sincerely apologise for the delay..

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr

Until You Lose Her

Until You Lose Her
Author: BadGirl_Shadow2
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BadGirl_Shadow2/
Reviewed By: imgnts

Title: 8/10
The title certainly is eye catching & attractive, also it seems like fairytale like in a way…as if a warning to other people to cherish what they have and not wait until it’s too late, well especially on guys part in this case. But also, you might want to not give away when thinking of a title, because the title that you’ve picked, it gives out what the story is about, like we all know that at one point, Sandra will leave Charlie…unless if you pull some twists that is.

Poster & Background: --/10
Aw, every story should deserve a pretty poster – but no worries, you can always request one from our awesome designers at midnight-tree!

Foreword: 7/10
You’ve got a simple & straight forward foreword, with the main characters & their names in the story, as well as the plot. I’ve read up to the part where you’ve added in the character profile after the end of the chapter later on, I think you could’ve added the part in the foreword since it is a little information on the characters. And if you don’t want to reveal your storyline too much, you can avoid adding in the “chemistry” & “future job” part and mention it in the story later on. I mean, it’s pretty obvious now that Charlie & Sandra has chemistry for each other now that it’s the middle of the story – I also like how you used the word “chemistry” instead of crush, love, or the other common words used!

Cast Used: 5/5
I like the idea how you gave the actors & actresses different names, it gives quite a fresh feeling, especially since most stories in winglin are based on Fahrenheit & S.H.E., by giving them names, you can have them as characters but not having to read the same names over & over again!

Originality & Creativity: 15/15
Your story is quite creative, there isn’t much story that is about two non-blood related siblings liking each other, but there are quite a lot of stories about two people who like each other after seeing each other for long periods of time, etc. I especially love the idea how Sandra has a little palace by herself in the garden.

Story & Plotting: 13/15
I think the plot and storyline you’ve created is quite interesting, at first it would be kind of weird for a brother and sister to be together even though they are not related. But it gets interesting when she finds out Charlie’s parents are her parents’ friend, and they treat her like she’s their own kid, that’s really sweet. But I think you could’ve added more creative into the story! Though I’ve got to say, the twists you’ve intended to add in are quite predictive, for example, when Luke & Annie spends a lot of time together, it seems as though they would be together for sure, but nevertheless, it was interesting to read it, especially the part when Annie & Sandra had the little talk.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
The English in your story isn’t bad, there are mistakes mainly on grammar, but it is understandable. You can always have the story proofread by a friend or in Microsoft, like write each chapter in Microsoft before posting it up or something, it helps, I know people who do that. Some other mistakes I’ve noticed throughout the story are the phrasing of words, like sometimes, you would put the words in the wrong order or positions. For example, in the first chapter, in the second paragraph – “Once her natural black, long hair” could have been “Her once natural black, long hair” or even “Her hair, which was once natural black and long…” I think it’s just a matter of practicing more and it’s that bad, it’s still understandable, just work on it!


Flow of Story: 9/10
You’ve written your story fairly quite detailed, and you pick up from where you left off most of the time from the previous chapters. I know that sometimes you start off from fresh though when the previous chapter is the end of one scene. Your sequence of event is well presented; I wasn’t lost when I was reading your story.

Writing Style: 5/5
I like the way you’ve written your story, it’s easy to follow and clear. Some stories are in big paragraphs, it makes it boring once you see a big paragraph ahead of you!

Overall Enjoyment: 9/10
I certainly enjoyed reading your story! The plot is really interesting and it seems like each chapter is full of surprises! I think it your story was pretty clear and I understood each chapter with any confusion, so good job!

Bonus marks: 3/5 – try adding more to your replies for readers!

Total mark: 81/90