情人节的礼物

Title: 情人节的礼物
Author: 0088~
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/yiingw0rld_2/
Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title: 4/10
Boring.
The only reason why it’s not any lower than a 4 is that it kind of sums up the story,

Poster&Background : 9/10
Good colour scheme, nice poster. Suits the mood perfectly.

Foreword: 8/10
Well. The rest of the forewords were okay. Not exactly spectacular, but I am giving you the bonus for this part.

他们决定为彼此准备个最难忘的情人节礼物。 一只手表。一顶秀发。一个无法忘怀的情人节 I really liked it =)
Cast Used: 4/5
First, of course, I had to bear in mind that this is a one shot. The characterization is pretty good for a one shot. What I really liked about this fic is that you did not need to tell the reader straight in the face, SHOW WAS A RICH GUY. THEY ELOPED. It was just neatly woven in the story. So props.

Show and Selina’s a nice couple too, if you ask me.

Well the reason why I don’t give full marks is that, I feel that the characterization though already excellent have potential to be better. =)

Originality & Creativity
I had trouble with this section because I have read the original story in Chinese before. Yes. It was in my Higher Chinese Textbook. In the fact the story is close to 90% similar. So your story should be called an ADAPTATION rather than a story. You know what I mean. But I decided that since you did credit the story for ideas, I shall not grade you on that section. If not you will fail miserably.

Story&Plotting
The story follows exactly with the original. So I don’t think it’s worth grading.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Could be better. It was smooth enough. But I believe more work can still be done. I think some of your breaks are unnecessary, and it doesn’t facilitate the emotional buildup. One thing, some of your … are unneccassary too.

Well I also feel that, you could done better in your language. I must say again, you language is good enough, but I think it’s not spectacular. It lacks a kind of feeling that makes it sparkle, like it’s there but not there yet. You know, the just a little bit more.

Flow Of Story: 8/10
I don’t have a big problem with it. I understand what’s going on, I did not get lost. It was just.. normal.

Writing Style: 2/5
Well, I don’t think there’s much of a style from you. Well, not that, but it sounded very much like the original one that I read you see.

On second thoughts, I believe this has got to do with your language component. When your language isn’t exactly spectacular, it’s hard to bring out a writing style

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10
This is a little personal. The reading’s fine. But I expected to be really really touched by this fic which did NOT turn out. So that’s why it’s hovering at the pass mark.

Then again, to be honest, I don’t get touched easily.

So yea =)

Bonus marks: 2/5
For letting us see such a beautiful fic.

Total mark: 40/70 (70/100)

Additional comments:
Well, overall comments wise, the problem with this fic is that it did hit IT. It lacked the X factor, the sparkle, the IT factor. And I personally do see a lot more room for improvement for this fic.

In any case, it was a nice read though.

Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)