Memories of Love

Title: Memories of Love
Author: Stephie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/swan_memory/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 7.5/10
I promise you, I’ve seen that title flying around somewhere on winglin. *winks* It’s a dreadfully common title, and I must say that it lacks creativity on the whole. Yes, it says something about the story, which is why it is effective and therefore accomplishes its objective as a title, but it is not eye-catching enough. Compare this to say, a single word title, or a song, or a date, this one definitely loses out in appeal. Nevertheless, it still manages to fulfil what it sets out to do (to inform and to summarise), so it still does what a title ought to do.

Poster and Background: 5/10
I must shamefully admit that I’m not into art, but this one was really a little off-putting for me. Simply because, it makes the whole fic look old. I was inclined to escape from the fic upon looking at the contents page because of the background and the poster, which gives it a very… Grandmother feel. I think it has to be the flowers in the whole thing. The art lacks the emotional quality that the fic promises, and coupled with the title, the whole effect is just a bit strange. I’m not sure what to say about it, because the whole effect is just not modern enough. Not to mention the fact that the background got really distracting by the time it was Chapter 2.

Try a new poster with more emotion injected into it, and a plain background. That should do it.

Foreword: 8/10
Near perfect! Just try to introduce the cast in the foreword as well. No need for elaborate, character listing and tiresome introductions, but the addition of a single line to mention who’ll be starring in your fic would be nice. (Keep in mind that mine’s a direct link, so I don’t get to see who’s in your fic in the “Main Artiste(s)” column).

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 4.5/5
Who should I score on? *g* First, for our dear Edison and Gillian, I like the pairing, personally, but I’m not about to let my heart rule over my head. I’d say that it’s not a terribly new pairing, so it’s not creative enough, and the fact that the both of them are so overused means that I don’t see any new dimension to their relationship being fitted together. Kudos on the second pair though, Nicholas and Gillian isn’t conventional, which is why I like it. Fresh sparks always make it fun.

Characterisation wise, I’d say that you could have worked a little more on the description of Nicholas and Edison. In particular, the latter was a little lacking in his personality in this piece. Perhaps it was the first-person point of view that did it, but I think he gradually became a little forgettable. After a while, I couldn’t really see what Gillian remembered in him, and what she saw in Nicholas that reminded her of him.

Story and Plotting: 11/15
Well done on your plotting! The story is clichéd, I can’t lie about it, but I think the main point of this piece wasn’t really the love story between Edison and Gillian, and how it happened, yadda yadda… But more, I think, the thoughts and feelings of Gillian. The material isn’t new, but the way you handled it made me a bit teary by the end of the whole fic, and the fic managed to capture my attention until the very end. In particular, I enjoyed reading the epilogue.

There’re sad fics, there’re happy ones, but no one dares (or wants) to handle poignant material. I’m glad you took the leap, and I’m happy to tell you that it worked.

Well done.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
No major issues in this section, only some typoes here and there, and a few punctuation slip-ups (which I suspect they might possibly be typoes as well). I would have liked to see a little more language pointing to how Gillian felt about recounting the times she shared with Edison, though. As a whole, it was good.
Flow of Story: 8/10
There was one major hiccup in your story, but I guess it was necessary. You see, the death of Edison was introduced in a very strange way. I think it was not so much about how it really was, but how you introduced it that was the problem. Perhaps if you didn’t write the third chapter the way you did, then it might have flowed a little better. Having Gillian witnessing the death of Edison meant that the story didn’t flow well from the second leading to the third one, and it shows rather obviously.

Writing Style: 5/5
Well done. It’s so easy to read, so easy to connect and to empathise with Gillian since this is in first-person. It adds to the poignancy of the story, and that really made the story stand out.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 10/15
In this scoring system, 8 go to originality and 7 to creativity. You scored 4 in the first section, and 6 in the latter. Let me explain. Your story isn’t new. It’s not fresh out of the press and different from others. It wouldn’t stand out in the bunch of fics playing with this material: girl meets boy, boy pokes fun at girl, they fall in love, boy dies, and girl tries to get over his death. This is especially true since you have to contend with the load of Chunellas out there who love to use this particular set of material. Which is why it scores lowly on the storyline.

On the other hand, though, I really, really enjoyed reading this in first person. I wouldn’t say it was terribly weepy and melancholic, and if you had taken that path, it would have spoilt the story, but I’d say it was… Tender. I really liked this one because it used the first-person voice, nailed it, and maximised all the advantages a first-person voice could give it.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Save for the hiccup, all was well. The fic was believable, and the fact that it wasn’t weepy made it really wonderful. I liked the tone in the fic, simply because you were just recounting the events, and by doing so, it made the whole thing look as if Gillian had really gotten over Edison and was ready to start a new life with her new husband. True, she’d always love him, but the tone said that she had recovered, she was braver, stronger and more ready to face challenges – this time with a new person in her life.

Bonus marks: 5/5
Linking back to MT: Check.
Replying to readers: Check.
Having the X-factor: Check. I’d give you extra if it was possible.
Good work here.
Total mark: 80/100
Additional Comments: Well done! I really enjoyed reading this one, and that includes the fact that your story was actually complete by the time you sent it in for review. I think you handled your material very well, and yes, when you’re looking at this sort of fic, it’s really a fine line between touching and clichéd. I’m glad that you actually managed to work things out and the fic turned out to be wonderful, so great!

It’s a good fic, and well, understand that I’m a strict reviewer. So yes, let me extend apologies if this review falls short of you expectations.

Looking out for more by you soon!
Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr