Recalling Forgotten Memories

Title: Recalling Forgotten Memories
Author: moniica(:
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/monica_5
Reviewed By: Lone Ranger



Title : 4/10

It lacks the pun and the spark that a title requires.

But because it hints at some lost memories thing, I wouldn’t press on your story on main index. With that in mind, I think the title had failed.



Poster&Background : 1/5

It’s upon 5 because you don’t have a poster. I have a big problem with you background. It does not suit the mood of the story (besides the fact that it is grey) and I feel that it is too squarish too.



Foreword: 8/10

Well, besides the fact that your forewords sound like a chapter one instead of a forewords, I don’t have much to complain. Though so, I must stress that, because of the length of your forewords, the first few lines of your forewords which I felt were the “punchlines” did not stay on my head by the time I am done with forewords. But besides that, I pretty get the characters and the setting of the story. That’s a plus.



But one thing that troubled me. The accident sounded a little cliché which is why you didn’t get higher. Well, I will be reading on from your forewords to the rest of the chapters to see how you are going to move on.



Cast Used: 4/5

I like Hebe and Selina in this story. They never fail to bring a smile in this generally, sad, fic. Very strong characterization there =) I guess I have to give you credit for being able to juggle so many characters and giving them each a distinct character.



I especially also liked how you gave Ella’s character complexity.



The only reason why you didn’t get full marks is basically the part about Ella and Auntie Wu that baffled me. If Auntie Wu really treated Ella as a daughter, I think she would feel very sad about the whole Angela episode. Auntie Wu may not be able to stop Chun from liking Angela, but she might be putting a halt to the marriage. And yes, like what some of your readers said, the proposal itself is a little too fast too.



Good job, nevertheless.



Originality & Creativity: 7/15

The only saving grace of this fic when it coems to this item until now is the first 2-3 chapters. Memory loss is an overused idea. Ever since Meteor Garden, I hated the idea of memory loss for a fic. I tend to skip the fic when they are dealing with memory loss.



Well, but as I have said earlier, the whole part of the comfort in the United States for Ella was fresh (I liked it), but that isn’t the main part of your plot right? Your plot is centered on memory loss. So thus you fail when it comes to originality and creativity.



Story&Plotting: 13/15

Very smooth writing, it was very easy to follow through your story. As I have said many times, the first few chapters are good. It made me laugh. The next few, although treaded on a topic area that I personally detest, turned out to be very emotional. I could actually feel the wrenching in my heart when Ella was at the hospital. I liked how you actually dared to venture into the worse possible scenario, as most people would have stopped at Chun fall in love with Angela, Ella comes and Ella gets back with Chun or something. You actually dared to move into marriage which I felt was a props.



Well, count yourself lucky also, because I like fics like that, so I tend to give a tad higher for emotional fics.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

I don’t have complains about your fic. It was good, fluent language that was wasn’t boring. It had a linguistic bounce to it as well.



Flow Of Story: 8/10

Good flow. I really liked how Ella’s sadness was a constant strand in the fic. It gives the fic consistency. The fic seems to have a grey undertone throughout. Sad, but nicely done.



Writing Style: 3/5

Yep. I think I can feel you as a person in this fic. Someone who is sensitive, someone who spends time thinking about things, someone who has depth. Props.



Maybe as a suggestion, you an think of how to give your fic a stronger voice, such that it is distinctly you.



Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

Minus the memory loss part, I thoroughly enjoyed your fic. It’s one with both content and good language. Something that I feel is worth reading again. =)



Bonus marks: 3/5

For it been generally well written and well thought of. For seeing a person within the fic.



Total mark: 67/95 (~71/100)



Additional comments:

Well, honestly, this fic has the potential to hit the 80s (Do something about your title and background!) And well, maybe you should send your fic again when it is complete as maybe I would have a new judgement. Because I had to reread my own review to see how come you are a mere 71. It’s a pity really.



By the way, I hope you don’t mind me doing the review as Kel’s currently busy with a ton of other stuff =)



Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)