Repayment

Title: Repayment
Author: Minako
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/minak0
Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6/10

Hmmm the title seemed interesting. But, it lacks of creativity to attract the readers. It seems a bit too plain. You can improve on that! =]

Poster & Background: 0/10

I’m sorry. I can’t give you any marks because you didn’t have any poster or background at all. Although you didn’t really place emphasis on the poster and background, but it would certainly be better if you have one. It can enhance the particular mood you want to emphasise. =)

Foreword: 3/10

The foreword is too short. Practically, you’re just listing the characters out. It would certainly be better if you can include a little profile of the characters. Also, little prologue you had there isn’t attractive enough. It tells the readers a plain sad story, or a melancholic story, failing to keep the readers in suspense. Actually, I thought it would be better if you could include the first scene of the chapter as a prologue because it is certainly intriguing and intense. It will keep the readers in suspense. :)

Cast Used: 5/5

Hey, I like the casts here! I haven’t really had the chance to explore any of the fanfics with these casts. Nice one. =D

Originality & Creativity: 9/15

The plot you have here isn’t really creative. It was quite typical, as you have guess from the title. But it is still fine with me. It managed to keep me reading on. Perhaps, you could include one or two more scenes to place emphasis on “repayment”. :]

Story & Plotting: 11/15

The organization of ideas is good. I like your introduction, the “Bombshell”. You led the readers right into the climax of the story, which is intriguing. I love that excitement. Well done!

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10

So far, I didn’t spot any grammar or spelling mistakes. Good job. Also, your vocabulary is impressive. Keep up the good work! :D

Flow Of Story: 8.5/10

Basically, your story is flowing very smoothly and clear organization of ideas could be seen. However, there are times where I would stop to wonder if that scene is a flashback. Do take note of that. But, don’t worry. That’s just a gentle reminder. The flow of story is still smooth. Keep it up!

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Since you made a note to me, I decided to comment more on this criterion.

Personally, I think that your writing style is unique and impressive. It did catch my attention when I read your story.

Your writing style can be clearly distinguished from others. That is - precise and concise. I love the way you include precise words to create certain impactful impressions in the readers. For example, “The dagger was still excavated in his dying flesh.” and “She brusquely hauled the lethal instrument free from the falling body”. Both sentences were really well written, successfully evoking feelings in the readers upon reading them. That was well done.

However, that powerful image that was portrayed soon faded away because the story changed to plain narrative story after so. Not much as concise words were included to portray an impactful image in the readers. That was quite a pity because I expected you to write an impactful ending, with perhaps an extraordinary outstanding visual image.

Secondly, your story is narrated from a third person point of view. This is special and quite unexpected because I expected you to write the story in a first person perspective. After reading your story, I thought it was quite a good job done. It is still as exciting as ever. But, perhaps it would be better if you can try writing in a first person perspective. The image portrayed would probably be more powerful as you shaped Tavia into a more understanding character.

But, nevertheless, I still like the writing style. Keep it up. :D

Overall Enjoyment: 6.5/10

As I have said before, I LOVE the introduction. Simply love it. It kept me is suspense. However, as it continued to the end, I found it to be quite disappointing. It just ended with an anti-climax sort of ending. Perhaps, you can improve on that?

Bonus marks: 3.5/5
1.5 marks for the efforts you put in your fanfic. 2 marks for the nice writing style. Keep it up! =D

Total mark: 65/100
Additional comments: Firstly, a big sorry to you! I took so long to complete this. Pardon me.
Secondly, I think you lose your marks on poster and background. That was a pity because your fanfic is a good one.
Last but not least, please do not feel offended by what I have commented if you disagree with me. In case you have enquires, contact me by my email. Continue to keep the good work. Good luck to your fanfics and all the best. :DD

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr