The Art of Photography

Title: The Art of Photography
Author: Felichan
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/mizzwangleehom
Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6/10

Honestly speaking, I really like this title. It seems so interesting! I could imagine all the snaps going around! However, to my disappointment, after I have finished reading your fanfic, I realized that isn’t really a link between photography and the story except for the last part. That’s where four marks are gone.

Nevertheless, I would encourage you to use such interesting titles in future! =D

Poster & Background: 3/10

Truthfully speaking, this poster isn’t really effective. What do I mean by that? It means that it fails to capture the readers’ attention because it looks messy with some poor quality images. It seems as though the pictures are “forced” to “blended” together. Moreover, I can’t feel the specific mood you’re trying to convey across to me. Thus, the outcome isn’t really effective. My suggestion to you would be requesting one from graphics requesting sites. You can specify mood and colours etc to suit you fanfic. But, nevertheless, I still award you three marks for the good efforts in trying to make this poster. There is room for improvement. =)

Foreword: 4/10

The forewords you have here is quite alright with me but there is certainly room for improvement. I like the character introduction, where you introduce the contrast in characters. However, when it comes to a small prelude of the story, it seems to fail to catch the readers’ attention. Or, to put it simply, it’s too really too simple and plain. Plain, normal school life. Perhaps, you could add a little climax right at the introduction of the story. This would probably interest the readers more. Alright? =]

Cast Used: 4/5

Personally, I like the inclusion of fictional characters in a story. Well done. Keep it up! :)

Originality & Creativity: 6/15

I’m sorry but I really have to mark you down in this criterion. The whole plot is just plain and normal. It can easily be found in abundance in serial dramas. It would certainly be better if you can include some climaxes!

Hey, I like the chapter: Meow! It was really cute! I love it very much! Hahas. *winks*

Story&Plotting: 9/15

The plotting of the story is quite alright. Generally, the story flowed smoothly. The organization of ideas is clear too. :]

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 6/10

Generally, your grammar is fine. As for your spelling, certainly, there is room for improvement because I spotted some mistakes. This can be precluded if you make a little more effort to check it before posting it up. =)

Other than grammar and spelling, I have some other suggestions on language for you.

Personally, I think that you should try to make full use of punctuations to smoothen the flow of your story. I think you made quite a few serious mistakes in sentence structure. For example, “Note: Felisha im sory u found out dis way but we didn’t want 2 wait until something happened we wanted 2 b 2gether and we wanted 2 tell u and u no u would always b the first one I would tell but we didn’t want 2 hurt any1 we were going 2 tell u as soon as u got over him please forgive me and him and I hope we can b friends again
♡ Loan”.
Basically, you’re just typing all you want to convey without full stops or even coma. If you add in punctuations, readers can then make out what you’re trying to say here. Perhaps, it could be written this way, “Note: Felisha, I’m sorry. I know you have found out. Actually, we didn’t want thing to turn out this way. We didn’t want to hurt anyone, so we planned to tell you only after you have gotten over him. Please forgive us. I hope we can be friends again.
There are others like “From that day on they became good friends and Loan no longer was mean to GD” and “Loan: [his face is sooo soft and cute………OMG what am I saying Felisha likes him I can’t…..STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!!!!]”.

Also, you can improve on your expression. Sometimes, they don’t quite make sense. For example, “I’m talking with G-Dragon.” Perhaps, you can rephrase it to be “I’m talking to G-Dragon” or “I’m having a talk with G-dragon now”.
Last but not least, I would like to discourage you from using profanity and short forms or sms language. For example, “MissyBigBang: y did u decide 2 tell me??” and “MissyBigBang: ok well I g2g soo ttyl”. Sometimes, they don’t make sense when the readers didn’t get what you’re trying to say. As for profanity, I would suggest that you use some other words to replace them because readers might feel uncomfortable if you use them.
Work harder! =D



Flow Of Story: 7.5/10

The flow of story is quite smooth. However, there are some boring parts where I find them superfluous. You might want to improve on that. =]

Writing Style: 3/5
In general, as I can see, you’re writing your story in a script-writing style. I’m quite alright with this style but I thought it lacks of the potential to interest readers. What do I mean by that? It means that they are just plain words. No life is added to it. For example, “=Loan blushes=”. This what a scriptwriter would write. This is perfect fine if this si a script because script is meant to be acted out by actors. Thus, feelings and emotions could be seen and felt vividly. However, when it comes to reading, it seems to be plain, English words. And, nothing else. Readers may loes interest in your story. to improve, you can start by describing the story instead of telling the story. for example, you can rewrite it to be “A light shade of pink crept up her cheeks.”
Alright? Work harder!

Overall Enjoyment: 6.5/10

This can be an interesting leisure read. :)

Bonus marks: 2.5/5

Total mark: 55/100

Additional comments: Really sorry for the late review! I hope you will like this anyway. If you have anything to ask me, feel free to contact me via email or Midnight Tree tagboard. Last but not least, I wish you good luck and all the best to your fanfic in future! :DD

reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr