He said/She said: Radio Romance

Title: He said/She said: Radio Romance

Author: by nina_m

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/nina3_m

Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 8.5/10

Lovely Title.. It attracts my attention when I first see it.. Nice one.. Marks off because i find it, a little long to remember.. MAYBE, I emphasis, MAYBE, you can consider using a more short and nice title for people to remember it more easily.. No offence, just a penny of my thoughts.. :)

Poster & Background = --/10

I won’t mark on this because I believe every story should have a lovely poster.. You can go request it on those poster making site.. :)

Foreword = 8/10

The Foreword enthralled my attention.. That was a rather short yet, deeply catches my interest and curiosity.. I was however, a little turn off by the amount of dots you use in your foreword.. It seem a little distracting for me to read it.. I confess, I'm a dots user too, as you can in my review.. But when it comes to writting story.. I will refrain myself from using too much of them as it may look, distracting.. 1 suggestion for you.. If you really like to write using dots, Try not to.. That's why i took marks off for that..

Another 1 marks off, for the way you write your foreword.. Well, i have no comment over how you write it.. But how you present it, made it a little out of place.. I hope you get what i am trying to tell you.. No offense, please, It's just a penny of my thoughts..

Instead of using writting this..

Ella is a rare personality who is able to blend academic achievements with a down to earth lifestyle. Armed with a Ph.D. and pursuing her career as a professor in academia, she’d quietly carved a balanced life surrounded by good friends and a loving family. Despite living independently from her parents for years and years now, she’s been in contact with them at all critical junctures in her life.

You can try breaking down the sentence and space them apart well..

Like this..

Ella is a rare personality who is able to blend academic achievements with a down to earth lifestyle.

Armed with a Ph.D. and pursuing her career as a professor in academia, she’d quietly carved a balanced life surrounded by good friends and a loving family.

Despite living independently from her parents for years and years now, she’s been in contact with them at all critical junctures in her life.

Doesn't it looks more, smooth and clear?? Instead of cramping the sentence together, try to break them into more organizing part, like how i did to my example.. It will looks less choppy and more, smooth flowing.. :) Really, Like i mention before, No offence, just a penny of my thought..

Cast = 5/5

I totally love your casting.. No bias-ness.. I give full marks for you.. Because i can see the effort you put in to shape with your own characterisation for the story..

I don't totally mark on cast used.. I usually, Also mark on the characterisation of the cast in the story.. So i can see your effort for that.. So that's why i gave you full marks..

Originality & Creativity = 12 /15

It was pretty refreshing and nice to read your story.. Quite creative yet the idea is very original.. :) Good Job.. :) It's not like those usual love story seem on winglin.. Good job for making it so, different from others.. The unique-ness, really made your story stand out a lot from all the other story in winglin..

The radio romance idea is pretty unique and special.. I haven't really read up an similar kind of idea in winglin before, Good Job.. :) But i sugget you, to add in a little twist as some part of the story( i mention my reason at the plot part).. So overall, i love you creative-ness and originality, but as suggested, adding in some un-predict scence, will made the story, more interesting yet more creative.. :) No offence, Just a penny of my thought..

Plot = 11.5/15

I certainly like very much how you come up with a unique and yet lovely plot like this.. However, i have some suggestion for you.. You tend to drag the romance part for Chun and Ella.. I mean, it's good to made the reader to be eager about their romance.. But too draggy in the romance will made the reader a little, bored out.. So i hope you will be less choppy and draggy in the romance part..

However, I strongly suggest you to put up a little twist in the story, To make it more interesting.. As i read on your story, I find certain part of them are quite predictable.. So adding a little twist to made it, more un-predictable(to made the reader eager to find out what will happen next) and interesting.. As mention before in the Originality & Creativity, I love your idea of raio romance part of the plot, It's a pretty cool idea and a lovely plot.. :) Overall, your plot is great.. I love it very much.. No offence again(i say it so many time, sorry for being so, naggy)..

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 8.5/10

Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :) But, as i mention before, i have a huge problem with the dots.. It is a little irrating.. So cut down on the uses of dots.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 8.5/10

The story was smooth.. I like how it goes.. Good job.. The idea was well manage and organize in the story.. :) Good Job.. :) Yet.. Sometimes your sentence can be a little long-winded in the sense that, I can get what you want to say yet it seem a little choppy in someway.. Improve on it and I believe you can produce a much better story this way.. Cuting down on the choppy-ness of the romance part and it will be more smooth.. :)

Writing Style: 3.5/5

I like the way you write your story.. Clean and clear.. Easy to follow.. Good job.. :) Yet, what I mention in the flow of the story.. Cut off those choppy and long sentence.. Breaks long sentence into shorter and more easy to read on(For the example, be refer back to the Foreword part point for detail.. ).. Space out the words and sentence, Cramping them up together will made it look a little, choppy.. :)

No offence again, Just a penny of my thought..

Overall enjoyment = 8.5/10

I certainly enjoy very much about this story.. Yet.. As this story is still un-complete, so I can’t really mark much on this part.. Sent in again your story when it’s complete for a better view on this part.. :) As mention in above points, I do really hope u should cut down on the number of dots, it will made my reading a more pleasure ones.. :) And also, remember to space out the words(I mention ot at the writting style part, please refer to the writting style points for detail)

Bonus Mark: 3/5

For your effort on making it unique and stands out in it’s own way.. :)

Total: 77

Additional Comment: Your story is good and nice.. Continue to work hard on it and I believe a better story can be written out by you.. Just remember to be break-down your choppy sentence and space out the sentence.. :) Any Questions, You can tag at my staff comment page to ask me.. :)

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr