Terminal Stage

Title: Terminal Stage
Author: KayKylie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kylieTS/
Reviewed By: v

Title: 7/10
It’s pretty one-of-a-kind title, apart from the cliché ones we often see/read. However, the title gave too much of what the story would be about, thus making some parts of the story rather predictable.

Poster & Background: 6/10
The poster was great, colour combination was fine. But I thought Bosco’s face seemed to look a little out of place, like it appeared from nowhere. But other than that, everything else is fine.

The other reason for the borderline marks granted was because of your background. At least, have a plain black background, and a matching light blue colour words, and I would gladly give you an eight for that little effort.

Foreword: 7/10
Very nice forewords, but it sounded like a review to me more that a prologue. Like the summary of the story usually printed at the back of a novel. But at least there were some kind of introduction written.

Cast Used: 4/5
A popular choice of pairing, be it in fan fictions or Hong Kong drama serials. The personalities you have instilled in them were suitable. I could somewhat picture Myolie and her weak expression, or Bosco in his fatherly-image. Good job on that!

Originality & Creativity: 13/15
Many stories revolve around love between boys and girls, so was yours. But what made ‘Terminal Stage’ different was that it was realistic. And that being married wasn’t about love between the couple alone but their families.

This fan fiction portrays the worries of a single-parent mother about how well her child and her husband would bond. It brings love to a whole new level.

Story & Plotting: 10/15
It’s nice to read and witness (through the images formed in my mind as I read) how Myolie had used her life to love and care for her family. It was tear-jerking at certain points, when Myolie slowly died so peacefully, together with her most beloved ones (except Angel, for she wasn’t fit enough).

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Vocabulary was great; the usage of words and writing was pretty fluent. But I spotted quite a lot of grammar errors as I read the story. One suggestion would be to run your chapters through MS Word, and correct the underlined mistakes. By keeping such mistakes to the minimal would give readers (and reviewers!) a better and much greater enjoyment, while reading (:

Flow Of Story: 8/10
I enjoyed the flow of the story, redundant scenes were briefly written through while the rest were well elaborated.

Writing Style: 3/5
The various descriptions gave me a better idea of how one scene led to another, with a flow. I enjoyed it.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I believed the positive remarks have been said more than just a couple of times in this review. So that really isn’t much of a need to provide an explanation for the allocated marks.

Bonus marks: 4/5
I felt myself frown when Myolie died, and felt a little touched while reading Angel’s speech. To have me feel touched isn’t an easy task, especially when it’s a story.

P/S: I didn’t cry. I just felt touched.

Total mark: 76/100

Additional comments:
Great attempt on a tear-jerking fan fiction, I could roughly tell how many hearts you’ve touched through this story. And yes, it has touched me too.

And good job on the bonus chapter, because after Myolie passed away, you left me wondering how Bosco, Jacky and Angel would live their lives, and to pair Nancy and Jacky up was (I suppose) a little secret wish every reader had.

Reviewed by v @ midnight-tree.co.nr