Vampire Admiration

Title: Vampire Admiration

Author: by Yvonne and Miyuki

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/atc

Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 8.5/10

Lovely Title.. It attracts my attention when I first see it.. Nice one.. But I don’t get the Admiration part for the title.. However, I do see the Vampire part coming..

Poster & Background = 10/10

I find the poster dark yet lovely in it’s own way .. Pretty match the theme of the story.. :)

Foreword = 4.5/10

A pretty short intro of the story.. Letting the reader read on a little part of story does interest them a little.. Yet, For this case.. I found the part of paragraph a little confusing to read.. It was like you are trying to say something out from it, yet I seem like catching no ball what you really want to say.. Plus, it’s always good to sort of have a little intro of the cast of the story to made the reader wanting to read on how to cast being shape on in the story.. I don’t mean you foreword is not good.. I mean you need to be more direct in whatever you want to say out.. Not letting the reader gone into confusion about what the story is really about.. I’m sorry to fail you in this part because I feel that you can made a better foreword then this one to made the story more interesting and better.. :)

Cast = 3.5/5

I think that Fahrenheit and S.H.E are commonly used .. But don’t worry.. I can see your effort in shaping up the character in the story.. :)

Originality & Creativity = 12.5 /15

First of all.. Good job in making the story pretty unique from others stories out in winglin.. It does certainly really attract one’s attention for the different kind of creative-ness and originality the story is.. The mystery yet comedy made the story stand out on it’s on.. Great job.. I believe I haven’t seen much similar type of creative-ness like this story.. Yet.. I believe your story can improve more on the mystery and suspense of vampire and murders.. Making it more stand out on it’s own..

Plot = 12.5/15

I certainly like very much how you come up with a unique and yet lovely plot like this.. The mystery and suspense in the story made me wanting to read on the story very much.. Yet.. I think you should made effort of letting your unique-ness of your stands more out.. Like for the vampire part, I do hope to see something more unexpected coming out instead of those predictable stuff a normal vampire story holds.. I really adore very much of your story unique-ness.. SO I do hope it will be more stands out in the near future when you continue to update and complete the story.. Just a penny of mine thoughts.. Hope you are not offended..

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 8.5/10

Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 7.5/10

The story was smooth.. I like how it goes.. Good job.. The idea was well manage and organize in the story.. :) Good Job.. :) Yet.. Sometimes your sentence can be a little long-winded in the sense that, I can get what you want to say yet it seem a little choppy in someway.. Improve on it and I believe you can produce a much better story this way..

Writing Style: 3.5/5

I like the way you write your story.. Clean and clear.. Easy to follow.. Good job.. :) Yet, what I mention in the flow of the story.. cut off those choppy and long sentence.. Breaks long sentence into shorter and more easy to read on..


Overall enjoyment = 7.5/10

I certainly enjoy very much about this story.. The mystery and suspense made me wanting to read on to find out what will happen next.. Yet.. As this story is still un-complete, so I can’t really mark much on this part.. Sent in again your story when it’s complete for a better view on this part.. :)

Bonus Mark: 3/5

For your effort on some making it unique and stands out in it’s own way.. :)

Total: 81.5

Additional Comment: Your story is good and nice.. Continue to work hard on it and I believe a better story can be written out by you.. Just remember to be lessen your choppy and long-winded sentence and break them up into simple and clear sentence.. :)

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr