Title: Wipe Away The Tears
Author: Bliss
Reviewed By: Lovie
Title: 6/10
From my first impression, I remember feeling a little melancholic upon seeing this title. I like how it conveys the sad feeling. But, when it comes to how unique this title is, I wouldn’t give a high rating. It isn’t outstanding enough. When your story is trying to outshine the other few hundreds, you will need an eye-catching one. Perhaps, you should try out something more interesting, ok? :)
Poster & Background: 10/10
The poster is nice. The blue theme fits the mood perfectly. I love it. Good job, Vann! xD
Foreword: 5.5/10
I hate to say this, but I still have to. This forewords you have there is simply too short! Only three sentences! They are good, but they are too short to ignite a spark of interest in the readers. Or, should I say, the way you present these three sentences can be improved. You just blabbered on for three sentences, without giving the readers space for thoughts. Perhaps, you may want to try to organize it this way instead.
"I felt a water droplet fall on my cheek.
Was it my teardrop or the raindrop?
Even I could not comprehend."
The spaces in between the lines will reflect the protagonist’s thoughts. =)
Cast Used: 4/5
Due to the fact that this pair is overly-used, I have to take away a point.
But, I have to say, I really love this pair! :D
Originality & Creativity: 8/15
This is one of the major problems you have here. The originality of this story is not really high, when I find this storyline quite typical and boring. Yes, I have to admit that 15 chapters for a story is short, thus you’re unable to squeeze in or develop climaxes. But, still, I think you can add in more climaxes to make the story more interesting. Or, you may also want to choose to develop the climaxes in your story to its fullest.
Personally, I think that the climaxes like Austria’s death and Ben’s stabbing Arron are not fully developed yet. For example, Austria’s death.
"Astria screeched as she fell onto the road. She looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes as a car headed towards her way…
All of a sudden, she was gone.
Gone, forever."
You should have ended at "She looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes as a car headed towards her way…". Here’s a point to take note of. Please do not reveal the outcome of the climax to keep your readers in suspense.
Just as the story is rising to its climax, you cut it short and ended it abruptly. The readers will find this very disappointing. It’s such a pity that all the efforts you have put in to build up the suspense in the story have all gone down the drain.
Perhaps, this is one area you can try to improve on. =]
Story & Plotting: 10/15
As I have mentioned before, the climaxes have not been developed to its fullest, which is quite a pity. It certainly would have been better if you have developed it to its fullest. Here, I shall not double-penalised you. Generally, the plotting of the story is neat and organised. Keep it up. :]
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10
Overall, I hardly spot any mistakes for spelling, grammer or vocabulary. Good job! =D
Also, I would like to comment that I like how you used certain vocabulary in your story throughout. Keep it up! :D
Flow Of Story: 6.5/10
Yes, this is another major problem that I would like to point out. Your story is flowing at an inconsistent flow, either too slow or too fast. This makes the story looks confusing. For example, I was surprised at how fast Hebe and Arron’s relationship is going. When a girl has just suffered a betrayal, personally I think it’s impossible for her go into a relationship so soon again. This is something you will have to take note of – being realistic.
Also, Austria’s illness came as a huge surprise, leaving many questions unanswered when the pace of the events is too fast. Of course, there are many other examples. I’m sure you will be able to identify them. Please remember to take note of them! =)
Writing Style: 3/5
Your style is not obvious and consistent throughout. That’s where your 2 marks went to. But, generally, I’m still comfortable with how you write your story. :]
Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10
There’s something I would like to clarify. In chapter 6: Missing, Arron and Hebe went back to their secondary school on a bicycle. But, chapter 8: Beach, they left in Arron’s car. This is a problem of inconsistency throughout the story. Do take note of it and be careful in future.
Generally, I enjoyed reading this fanfic. Nice one. :D
Bonus marks: 3/5
The three marks goes to the constant efforts in replying your readers.
Total mark: 72.5/100
Additional comments: I hope I’m not too harsh with your fanfic! xD
Do remember to leave a tag when you have picked this up!
Continue writing! I will definitely support you! :DD
Reviewed by (Lovie) @midnight-tree.co.nr
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