Cupid Hates Me! !@#$%

Title: Cupid Hates Me! !@#$%
Author: ZeNd
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/lucifera3/
Reviewed By: Sheepoling

Title: 5.5/10
It was a very common idea expressed, having Cupid and hating, not refreshing and eye-catching in any way. I didn’t like the random signs behind supposing indicating profanity spouting? But there is relevance; I can see how your whole story is revolved round how you are trying to prove that Cupid hates TaeYeon.

Poster & Background: 1/10
There was no poster given so I shall only comment on your background and font colour. I thought that the font colors used were not very in line with the more fun-loving theme you are portraying in the story. The black color with red font is very tiring to read. You might want to choose a more comfortable color scheme next time. I shall give you one mark for at least changing the colors of the page.

Foreword: 6.5/10
It is good to see that a certain level of interest is generated when you did a love life history of the TaeYeon and it is pretty useful in showing the whole idea of your story. You also put down the cast but either than the fact that TaeYeon is the main lead, I don’t really see the use of the other information because it was too skimpy.

Cast Used: 1.5/5
I really have no idea how fresh is this pairing since I don’t really read stories with Korean casts but judging by how you lumped groups and groups of people in, I don’t think it is very special and it tends to confuse. And there was almost no characterization except for TaeYang and how you generally went through all the girls. Characterization is important in helping the readers tell the characters apart even if they don’t know the characters. And sadly, you happen to have many characters and no characterization, the worse combination ever.

Originality & Creativity: 2/15
There is always a reason for any mark. This whole story is a clichéd from top to bottom. A girl miserable in love, a man she didn’t see, the happy we are together finally idea is just going too out of fashion. The progression of the story is normal, fine, unexciting, expected and hence, don’t expect any marks in that area. The ending is just way too passé. WEDDINGS! What ever made you think marrying is such an easy business and you could just marry off the characters so easily? The presentation was nothing out of the norm, no creativity involved, just writing. On the whole, it was just regurgitation of clichéd over-circulated ideas.

Story & Plotting: 8/15
This kind of story doesn’t really have any areas for you to research on and work on. It is all based on your imagination (or the general public’s opinion) of what celebrity life is. I don’t think you made special effort to understand the characters of these people you used to make any strong statement. Kudos for adding in random speckles of current news though but sadly, that isn’t enough. You are very meticulous with details, just that these weren’t relevant and necessary ones.

Good job however, with your direction of the story. I could see that it is moving in one uniformed direction and doesn’t make weird turns. The events occurring are considered pretty logical in this context, but I just didn’t like how managers SLAP their artiste.

Spelling /Grammar /Vocabulary: 3/10
According to www.dictionary.com, cynical means showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one's actions, esp. by actions that exploit the scruples of others; bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic. And from what I see of TaeYeon’s behavior to TaeYang, it was nothing close to that definition. There were misusage of vocabulary, invention of non-existent vocabulary and the worse thing is that you could get a brand name wrong. (Chanel, not Channel) I’m still fine with the spelling but PLEASE don’t go around adding extra ‘d’s or ‘t’s to words like ‘lots’ or ‘loads’. It doesn’t show anything but how immature you are as a writer.

That is not the worst problem.

The grammar is atrocious. Wrong forms, wrong tenses and many more other problems can be spotted. In fact, there is no need to spot; it is blatantly staring into my face. I’m certain it is not a typo or accident for it is impossible then, for you to have consistent mistakes throughout the whole story. Grammar is very important in a story and it really affects the quality of a story. Please try to brush it up.

Flow of Story: 8/10
The pace of the story was generally fine; you know when to go slow and when to speed up. I just thought there should be more clarity in you transition from one scene to another. Especially with your all so confusing cast, I think it is more important to demarcate. But it is okay on the whole.

Writing Style: 2.5/5
I commend you for writing all your dialogue in a proper narrative format. However, I think you are not using the narrative format to your best. The story still seems very skimpy and brief in terms of descriptive. It looks good but when you read the content, there seems to be quite a big contrast. Not exactly what I will like.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/10
I suppose this is quite engaging with a little bit of jokes here and there and some comical interactions but I don’t really fall for this. This story doesn’t really have any impact on me; it is not funny enough, nor touching enough. It is just a piece of writing, words with no emotions. You can grasp the interest of most readers seeing how the pacing of your story makes the whole story quite tightly knitted.

Bonus marks: 2/5
Not much interaction there; I don’t see anything much posted with the chapter and you don’t really reply to your readers. The overall outlook of the story is neat but not very comfortable for the readers to read.

Total mark: 44/100

Additional comments: You would have done better if you have chosen a less common idea to write on and reduce your cast. Getting a poster helps too.

Reviewed by Sheepoling @midnight-tree.co.nr-