Hottie or not. Prepare to die.

Title: Hottie or not. Prepare to die.

Author: Starsha & Lil_Mickey

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Starsha_Mickey/

Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title: 2/10

2 and not 1 because firstly I liked even numbers and I guessed you were creative (whether in the right or wrong way that’s up to your discretion). Major problems. First, my English teacher taught me that all the letters in the title ought to be in caps. Two, it evoked a WTH response from me. Seriously, what had hottie (which wasn’t recorded in my dictionary. Maybe yours did? Please enlighten me which dictionary was it) got to do with death? That seemed to be a horrendous amoral lesson on looks equated to everywhere. Tsk Tsk.

Poster & Background : 3.5/5

No background. So your total is upon 5 instead of 10.
I quite liked the poster. The art work’s pretty well it did stand out for me. However, I hesitated with a 4 because I doubted that this piece required that much of a skill. Nice nonetheless.

Foreword: 3/10

The first half of the forewords killed my interest. The whole list of characters with no characterization bored me and took some of your marks away.The prologue. Ie the second part. Excessive one liners put me off. Alternating tenses, more complains. And this got me cracking for the wrong reason:“I ALWAYS arrive on time like 30 minutes earlier.”Em. On time meant punctual. You couldn’t be on time and be 30 minutes earlier.The whole prologue flowed pretty okay, but it did not sustain my interest at all. In fact, by the end of the fic all I felt was a typical chick flick was coming up and I could not suppress a yawn.

Cast Used: 2/5

I am absolutely at peace with your choice of cast.
But I am absolutely troubled by your characterization. Seul Gi did not seem like someone that irriating to start with. But as the story progressed, it seemed that Ayumi had a problem with her and I found myself scratching my head. I was under the impression that they were best friends and perhaps Ayumi did grumble about her but in a sisterly way. But towards the end, it seemed to me that Ayumi had a problem with Seul Gi?
I also spotted an absolute lack of characterization for the guys. Perhaps, the problem was rooted in having too many characters?

Originality & Creativity: 2/15

By the time I was halfway through chapter 1 I knew the story already. Nothing in this fic till now had struck me as particularly original. So pardon the unoriginality of this section of the review.
Boring. Ayumi, the girl-next-door-turned-idol was going to end up with Yunho after quite a bit of struggles. And they would be on arguing couple. Chae Yon died (not literally of course) and Seul Gi learnt her lesson. The perfect model for the fairytale ending.
And now, which part of it wasn’t somewhat featured before in some idol/Korean drama?

Story & Plotting: 7/15

I would only judge on what had already been written and well, since the story had not hit climax yet, my judgement might not be comprehensive. A major problem that I encountered was that of the Ayumi-Seul Gi relationship which I mentioned earlier.
Another one was the whole Ayumi became idol process. It was a tad unrealistic. If Ayumi was as you had described as ebing drenched and stinky, how come the judges did not say anything? And I didn’t see how come Ayumi could still be signed on like that. In the first place, I do feel that SM auditions would have a long queue of people, fighting their way through and having various rounds unlike what was depicted in your fic. And usually after that, the star had to do make over. A photoshoot the next day was pretty unlikely as well.
A final problem I had was that that of how Seul Gi would work under Chae Yon. It didn’t even make sense for Seul Gi to be serving cookies and drinks. What were personal assistants for?

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10

Question: When would the usage of profanities be appropriate?Ans: When trying to bring across a point. Either, as part of a characterization tool or to show some form of extreme emotion.

Question: Did you use profanities for those two ends?Answer: No. All I did see was profanities littering everywhere for the sake of it.

Just to highlight a couple problems:
"I walked so fast and rough it felt like I was going to crack the ground into two, but instead I softened up the ground a little..?"What do you think you are? Cow softening soil?
“I was stepping right on a mushy substance of dog doo doo.”What is dog doo doo?
Okay I couldn’t fail you because I did understand you fic though the grammar could be off at times.

Flow Of Story: 4/10

It was going okay for a while until another POV kicked in. That move in itself irritated me to no end and that was not to mention that I got lost at chapter 3 because after 2 chapters of Ayumi’s monologue I couldn’t get use to another’s person POV and had to constantly remind myself that it was someone else and not Ayumi’s POV.
Otherwise, story flows okay. I could understand what was going on.

Writing Style: 1/5

Lacking. I hated the POVs swoop thing personally. Excessive one liners got on my nerves as well. There wasn’t enough description to even show you had a distinct style either.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/10

I did not enjoy the fic.

Bonus marks: 2/5

For some genuine funny moments.

Total mark: 36.5 /95 (38/100)

Additional comments: Well it's a tad low. But I do have to make a disclaimer here. If you end this story well, the marks might

Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)