Title: How to Love
Author: x3addicted
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovelikethis/
Reviewed By: illusions
Author: x3addicted
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovelikethis/
Reviewed By: illusions
Title: 5/10
The title is kind of cliche and doesn't really stand out that much from the other winglin titles. I do understand the connection between the title and your plot but I find it a tad corny.
Poster&Background: 6/10
The poster is nice, a bit on the simple side. I do have a problem with the pictures of the cast chosen. You described Raymond in your forewords as "shrewd" and "cold", but in your poster you have a grinning and laughing picture of Raymond. Tavia's picture is perfectly fine because she's emoting the whole girl next door image. Your background isn't really visible, it took me a while to figure out that you actually had a background. I'm not sure if you did that on purpose to portray a rather simple theme.
Foreword: 6/10
A pretty straightforward introduction to the characters. You included some information about the two main characters and the support cast which I like. However I didn't see much about what will be happening in the story. I suppose this story will mostly be about the romance between Raymond and Tavia, making it an entirely romantic story. The forewords doesn't really draw the audience in and it sort of foreshadows a rather typical love story.
A pretty straightforward introduction to the characters. You included some information about the two main characters and the support cast which I like. However I didn't see much about what will be happening in the story. I suppose this story will mostly be about the romance between Raymond and Tavia, making it an entirely romantic story. The forewords doesn't really draw the audience in and it sort of foreshadows a rather typical love story.
Cast Used: 3/5
While the pairing of Tavia and Raymond is hardly a new one, I do think they share a good amount of chemistry. I think the characters are well cast. Raymond is believable as the rich and cold heir while Tavia is perfect for the innocent and pretty girl. I was somewhat surprised that it took three chapters before your support actors made their first appearances. Bosco works as the playboy and Charmaine is convincible as the heiress. I'm kind of intrigued by that pairing, it's pretty original.
While the pairing of Tavia and Raymond is hardly a new one, I do think they share a good amount of chemistry. I think the characters are well cast. Raymond is believable as the rich and cold heir while Tavia is perfect for the innocent and pretty girl. I was somewhat surprised that it took three chapters before your support actors made their first appearances. Bosco works as the playboy and Charmaine is convincible as the heiress. I'm kind of intrigued by that pairing, it's pretty original.
Originality & Creativity: 6/15
It's really not that creative or original. The romance line has been used plenty of times before and the whole marriage produces a rather predictable ending. The fact that Tavia and Raymond actually signed a contract also reminds me of another fanfiction I read not long ago that used a similar idea. Not to say that you're copying that author's storyline because I don't remember the title of that story, but it's common and overused. And the addition of the other casts as love interests is also predictable.
It's really not that creative or original. The romance line has been used plenty of times before and the whole marriage produces a rather predictable ending. The fact that Tavia and Raymond actually signed a contract also reminds me of another fanfiction I read not long ago that used a similar idea. Not to say that you're copying that author's storyline because I don't remember the title of that story, but it's common and overused. And the addition of the other casts as love interests is also predictable.
Story&Plotting: 7/15
Once again, didn't really see anything new in terms of plot in this story. The main word that I have for you is predictable. Try to include a few twists or change something that would make what is a rather typical romance story into something more. You are obviously not done with your story yet, you have plenty of time to create some original situations and rework some details of your plot. Also, I think it would be nice if you included a sub-plot or something that doesn't revolve around romance/love. The entire focus of your story on the romance can become boring after a while.
Once again, didn't really see anything new in terms of plot in this story. The main word that I have for you is predictable. Try to include a few twists or change something that would make what is a rather typical romance story into something more. You are obviously not done with your story yet, you have plenty of time to create some original situations and rework some details of your plot. Also, I think it would be nice if you included a sub-plot or something that doesn't revolve around romance/love. The entire focus of your story on the romance can become boring after a while.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10
No problems here! You showed good mastery of your grammar (besides a few commas and periods) and the vocabulary wasn't too bad either. It was mature and appropriate for the story you had in mind.
Flow Of Story: 6/10
I liked that Tavia and Raymond married pretty quickly and that you didn't waste too much time on their "courtship". After that I expected that your story would progress rather fast but then I sort of reached the chapter about the dinner with friends. And it started to move pretty slowly. I sort of found myself fighting to get through the chapters without skipping the long paragraphs. And I don't think you really need longer chapters, I'm perfectly fine with the length now haha.
I liked that Tavia and Raymond married pretty quickly and that you didn't waste too much time on their "courtship". After that I expected that your story would progress rather fast but then I sort of reached the chapter about the dinner with friends. And it started to move pretty slowly. I sort of found myself fighting to get through the chapters without skipping the long paragraphs. And I don't think you really need longer chapters, I'm perfectly fine with the length now haha.
Writing Style: 4/5
For your first story, this is pretty good! While I liked that you described your surroundings in detail, I think you might have focused a bit too much on them. A few good descriptions are good enough, I don't really need to know that Raymond is handsome and lean in every chapter (though I do agree that he certainly is ;]). But I do need to say that I can imagine all the actions and the scenes pretty vividly in my mind. Kudos to you for that!
Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
Not really your fault but I suppose this isn't my type of story. There are plenty of readers who obviously enjoy your type of story. I just happen to like more of a storyline in with my romance. Your story had too much romance and too little other action going on for my tastes.
For your first story, this is pretty good! While I liked that you described your surroundings in detail, I think you might have focused a bit too much on them. A few good descriptions are good enough, I don't really need to know that Raymond is handsome and lean in every chapter (though I do agree that he certainly is ;]). But I do need to say that I can imagine all the actions and the scenes pretty vividly in my mind. Kudos to you for that!
Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
Not really your fault but I suppose this isn't my type of story. There are plenty of readers who obviously enjoy your type of story. I just happen to like more of a storyline in with my romance. Your story had too much romance and too little other action going on for my tastes.
Bonus marks: 3/5
Considering this is your first written story, I think it's pretty good start. And it just happens to be my first ever review so yay for the both of us lol.
Considering this is your first written story, I think it's pretty good start. And it just happens to be my first ever review so yay for the both of us lol.
Total mark: 60/100
addtional comments:
Like I said, a good start considering this is your first story. I hope that you'll continue improving yourself and perhaps next time around you can try to improve on the plotting and creativity of your story. Don't be put off by the seemingly low grade. This is actually quite a nice story. I just think with a few tweaks, it can be a lot better. Perhaps when you continue your story you can request for another review :] Anyway, wish you the best of luck in completing this story. If you have any questions regarding this review, feel free to email me or contact me via midnight-tree :]
Like I said, a good start considering this is your first story. I hope that you'll continue improving yourself and perhaps next time around you can try to improve on the plotting and creativity of your story. Don't be put off by the seemingly low grade. This is actually quite a nice story. I just think with a few tweaks, it can be a lot better. Perhaps when you continue your story you can request for another review :] Anyway, wish you the best of luck in completing this story. If you have any questions regarding this review, feel free to email me or contact me via midnight-tree :]
reviewed by illusions @midnight-tree.co.nr
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