Title: Plenitude
Author: by Tvbfann;]
Reviewed by: Lamer_
Title = 8.5/10
Lovely Title.. It attracts my attention when I first see it.. Short and sweet.. Good.. :) However, I don't see the link between the title and the story, so, i mark down on that.. No offends, just a penny of my thoughts.. :)
Poster & Background = 7/10
Seriously.. I couldn't bear to mark you down.. As I can see you made an effort to made your own poster.. But.. However, I don't really think the background match well with the poster.. Though the poster lacks the beauty, but at least it's still not a sore to the eye.. Another thing, the poster give me a moody theme, yet, it's not the same theme i get for the story.. No offends, It's a penny of my thought..
Foreword = 7/10
Your foreword is a detail one, yet, you seems to reveal too much detail for the story in it.. The cast intro is a detail and good one.. However, the detail of the intro bored me out a little, refrain of putting too much detail into it, more detail can be insert into the story when times goes.. But i like the quotes at the end of the foreword.. :) One more thing.. Your cast intro is a little long-winded and choopy in some sense.. You like to cramp everything up into 1 whole sentence where there is no need for it.. Try spacing your words out a little.. If not,they will look too choppy..
Example:
Instead of writting like this..
Charmaine Sheh --->She may seem carefree and those sorts of I-don’t-care person but inside, she is emotional and she does care a lot but she doesn’t show out her feelings easily. No one really understood what she was thinking, not even her biological parents whom passed away long time ago. Many people think that she is weird and she has got attitude problems. She is really kind-hearted, but she seemed to look like she has got a feisty temper but she doesn’t. She doesn’t have a proper job since she always get into arguments with her bosses and at most, her job only lasts for 2 months.
You can try breaking down the sentence and space them apart well..
Like this..
Charmaine Sheh --->
She may seem carefree and have sort of I-don't-care attitude..
But deep down inside her heart, She is a very emotional person..
She does care a lot but she just doesn't show her feeling out easily..
No one really understood what she was thinking, not even her parent whom passed away years ago..
Many people think that she is weird and had attitude problem..
She is really kind hearted..
She may seemed to look like she has a feisty temper, yet she doesn't..
She doesn't have a proper job since she always get into arguments with her bosses..
At most time, her job only lasts for 2 months..
Doesn't this looks more clear and smooth?? NO offend, just a penny of my thoughts..
Cast = 4/5
I love your casting.. No bias-ness.. Because i can see the effort you put in to shape with your own characterisation for the story.. I don't totally mark on cast used.. I usually, Also mark on the characterisation of the cast in the story.. So i can see your effort for that..
Originality & Creativity = 8 /15
One look in the foreword says all.. The topical love storyline in all around winglin.. It doesn't stand out too much.. Nothing too special about it.. As the story isn't complete yet, i hope more original ideas plus creative-ness will be added in to made the story more, interesting.. :) For example, you may consider adding in a little twist here and there in the story to make it more interesting.. :)
Plot = 8/15
General speaking.. Your storyline and plots are typical around winglin.. All are quite predictable for your plot.. SO i suggest you should add in a little twist here and there to made it, more interesting and less, boring in the sense that, it will not turn out to be as much as same what others write.. As your story is still not completed, i strongly suggest you to added some un-predicted events to surprise the readers.. :)
Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 9/10
Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :)
Flow Of The Story: 8.5/10
The story is smooth.. However, i will like to point out something here.. I notice you like to cramp everything up into one sentence when there isn't the need for it.. Making the story looks more choppy and long-winded.. What i mean is, try space out your words in the story.. They look a little choppy cramping up together..But overall, your story flow is neat..
Writing Style: 3/5
I like the way you write your story.. Clean and clear.. Easy to follow.. Good job.. :) Yet, what I mention in the flow of the story.. Cut off those choppy and long sentence.. Breaks long sentence into shorter and more easy to read on,Space out the words and sentence, Cramping them up together will made it look a little, choopy.. :) No offence again, Just a penny of my thought..
Overall enjoyment = 5/10
Honestly, the story sound more like a cliché drama to me.. I really hoping a little more of something out of it yet, i was a little dissapoint when i read on.. The good thing is, i like parts when Charmaine is in, like in the first chapter, how she defend herself from the customer and her actions really made me love her in this story.. Other then that, i am sorry to say, i really get a little bored out.. Honest speaking, your story is fine, just that your plot is just too typical out in winglin, like as i mention, maybe try adding in twist here and there to surprise your reader.. Maybe it will made the story more interesting.. :) No offend, just a penny of my thoughts..
Bonus Mark: 3/5
1 marks for linking us back.. 1 marks for you effort in making the poster.. 1 marks for replying reader's comment.. :)
Total: 71
Additional Comment:
Your story is fine.. What is lack, is maybe the sparks.. The sparks which will interested the reader to read on.. There are a lot of definition of sparks in story.. So i hope you can find your own definition for your own story and made it a better ones when time goes on.. It's very hard to explain what kind of sparks it is.. Honest speaking.. I hope you can try adding in more, surprise/twist into the story, so it will made the story more stand out in it's own.. No offend, just a penny of my thoughts..
Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr
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