Till the Last Rose Dies

Title: Till the Last Rose Dies
Author: Twilight
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/twilight_rose/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 6/10
First impressions strike foremost, and for this particular title, somehow your first impression was just a single word: cliché. Unfortunately for this piece, it was really the title that got it down. When I received the request, I dismissed this one as another of those terribly written pieces that we see running around so often on winglin. Good thing that it was not, but the point is, your title is nothing much to yell about.

Only positive point that gave the title a passing mark. I believe that Stephie is one of the writers in this fic, and this one has a wonderful feel that she often gives to her fics. It has a vintage, old-school kind of sensation that is carried throughout the fic, and the title enhances that.

Poster and Background: 4/10
I’m really not quite impressed with the poster, because it doesn’t manage to bring about any improvement on the fic as a whole. In fact, the poster seems a bit Goth, and I don’t really think that it really suits the entire mood of the fic. I’m not quite sure what went wrong, and I’m not an artist, so I can’t elaborate on the specifics. What I can say, though, it that you used the wrong shade of red on your rose, or the wrong colour for your background. Red and black spells vampiric Goth.

That said, solid colour backgrounds are really great.

Foreword: 6/10
The forewords are alright, nothing really special, although they’re a bit vague. I think it was alright for this fic, but I didn’t really appreciate the whole vagueness of the whole thing. Yes, understood, that could be the intro to something more, but it didn’t paint any imagery for me, which I think is very important in a foreword.

Keep in mind, this sort of forewords only (and ONLY) work for short, one-shot fics like yours. Anything longer, this foreword would have warranted a fail.

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 1/5
I’m not really for a personal preference type of review, but I really have something against the pairing you chose. For such an emotion setting, I’m surprised you couldn’t have chosen a couple without more emotional… History. I’m not a fan nor a subscriber of any of those coupling out there, neither am I an anti-fan of any of them, but you have to keep in mind when you’re casting, who and what history this couple has before you throw them in.

Also, there’s only a wisp of characterisation in this piece, which I was disappointed. I admit to having high expectation when I read that Stephie was part of this, after reading (and reviewing) her wonderful piece. Unfortunately, this one just didn’t manage to impress me.

Story and Plotting: 8.5/15
It was a debate within myself what sort of mark I should give, simply because I wasn’t quite sure where the story stood within me. Negative first, then. The story is simply not original. I don’t know how many times this has been used, and I don’t know how many times I’ve told people (in reviews or otherwise) that this isn’t quite the original stuff that people will be looking for. Or wanting to read. This has to come from somewhere, and I know for sure that it just came, whether consciously or not, from a novel or a show or a film somewhere.

I understand that you’ve decided to write a short story, but as a suggestion, you might try to keep in mind that this fic involves numbers, like the number of roses. You could try naming your chapters after the roses and what they represent, and a longer story would serve to increase your characterisation. This story feels like a dream. Something that promises some potential, but dies off too soon before anything can quite happen.

On a more positive note though, the way the story was written shows that a lot of effort plotting was put in, and that was definitely taken into consideration when the marks were awarded. =)

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Near perfect spelling and grammar, how wonderful. It’s a joy reading this, because everything flows so well with the command of language. Watch though, there’re a couple of awkward phrases here and there, but not enough to spoil the mood of the fic.

Well done.

Flow of Story: 8/10
This flows like water! Everything fits in seamlessly, complete with the good language, there’s great imagery in this fic.

I have one complaint though. The pace is too fast for comfort. By the time the emotion starts to build up nicely, the fic is nearing its end, leaving the reader a bit hanging by the end.

Writing Style: 5/5
I can’t tell you how much I like the vintage feel this one has. I’m not sure if you guys know what I’m talking about, and I’m definitely not sure whether this feel is done on purpose or not, but it makes this whole fic somewhat different from the conventional romance story.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 10/15
I’ve penalised on this part in the earlier section, so I won’t take any more marks any than absolutely necessary. Like I’ve said before, this is an overused and overfed storyline, so it really isn’t wise to attempt it again, because they’re running all over the place. Since you three are such great writers, you might as well attempt something different and daring, and I’m sure that your writing skills won’t disappoint yourselves or the reader. Not to mention the fact that you really have to be outstanding writers to make this different, and I suppose none of us here on winglin are professional enough to pull it off well.

That aside, I believe that the way you’ve brought about the whole feel is really one and only on winglin. I can’t explain it, but you’ve made your fic an experience, which is really good.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
You score highly for this section simply because I don’t look out on purpose for fics that are different from others, but merely those that are well written. You’ve evoked some emotions inside me, which is admittedly quite difficult, simply because I’ve grown so numb to those horrible fics out there. -___- This one, though, manages to stay true to its tone throughout the whole fic, and it deserves a high mark here.

I’m looking for the special thing that defines your fic, that defines who you are as a writer, and you definitely showed me what you guys are capable of. There’re only so many out there who can make a normal fic special, and well, you guys are almost there. =)

Bonus marks: 5/5
Linking back to MT: Check.
Responding to readers: Check.
X-factor: Check.

Total mark: 64.5/100

Additional Comments: Once again, let me remind you guys that I’m a strict reviewer, and that your fic really isn’t as bad as the mark appears to be. It’s not a bad fic, but the material of choice is just not outstanding enough to stand out against the other great writers out there who’re trying different and bold material.

So, until next time, I’m hoping to hear from you guys soon.

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr