What Is Love??

Title: What is love?

Author: TVXQSJ_318

URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/tvxqsj08_2/

Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title : 3/10

Boring.
What is love? My first thought of this title would be linked to a cliché story about some arguing couple? I hope you prove me wrong. But all in all not appealing at all.
And once I started reading the story, I was like, the story’s a comedy! And the title sounds so emo.

Poster&Background : 5/10

I was inclined to fail your background and poster but I had to control myself. I quite liked the background, it’s sweet besides the fact that some letters can get hidden by the background. But I have a major problem with your poster. What was THAT? A mash of pictures put together? No words, no title, no photoshopping? The only reason why I still let is pass is because it’s not downright ugly.
Maybe you want to request a poster from MT? *winks*

Foreword: 8/10

I like your writing style in the forewords. It was light was a slight touch of humour in it. It is definitely something that would force me to click the next button for the next chapter. Well done.
I was thinking, perhaps, what you can do is to make your character introductions more interesting. Because although what you have done is nothing wrong, it felt a little narrative to me. So you could maybe think of more creative ways of introducing, for example using a line said by characters? Describe them in a incident? I don’t know. Think of the box for the spark =)
Note: For that matter, I kinda like your introduction of the characters in Chap 1 more =)

Cast Used: 4/5

I don’t read much of the DBSK guys, but they look like they are meant for stories like yours. So kudos! I absolutely loved your characterization. I like it that you don’t only say that they are so and so but you took care to show it in their actions.

For example, you mentioned somewhere that Yoo Chun was a flirt of sorts.(A self proclaimed one I believed.) I was glad to see how in Chap 2 you showed KiBum having to pull YC away from a girl and later on how he went around saying all the girls would want him. Good substantiation. And you succeeded making me want to whack Yoo Chun on his head =)

It was also interesting how you managed to bring across your character (Ki Min) very well. It actually makes me feel that I really knew you. And I also like the fact that you don’t reveal everything about yourself in on good but a little by little.

Originality & Creativity: 8/15

Okay minus all the humour and what nots, the story isn’t very special, at all. I mean, you just have normal school setting, with a sudden arrival of the hearthrob (Changmin). Since this fic isn’t completed yet what I hope is that the story is going to turn out with a twist of sorts?

Story&Plotting: 13/15

Neat. I like your story and plotting. I was at first quite worried that you might not be able to handle such a large amount of characters but in the end you surprised me with your skilful manipulations. I like how every characters gets some form of introduction and that they were not just there for the sake of being there.

Up till now, I can’t comment much on the story as the story hasn’t really "started" per say. But I must say that the fic has a lot of potential. The relationships between the characters are tight and I can see various degrees of interaction. I am hoping to see how Changmin and Ki Min going to turn out. I got a feeling they will be hilarious.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10

Pretty good English besides some minor problems as stated below:
"*splat* Great. Just great. A cup of chocolate pudding had just hit me in the face…"
I didn’t like the usage of * here. It made your story looked a little unprofessional.
"unless he feels like or if it’s for some occasion (sp?)."
It’s correct. But don’t do that in the middle of a story, it’s weird.
"Oh mai god."
I know you are trying to be informal here and unconventional English are good for character building. But unless it’s like in inverted commas (ie someone is talking) try not to use unconventional English. =) Make it more professional yea. Well, for the record, your "slangs" didn’t obstruct my reading pleasure.

Flow Of Story: 8/10

Smooth. I like. Your story flowed pretty seamlessly thoufh you have quite a few characters. I don’t have a problem following your story, everything seems to be where they are. Kudos!

Writing Style: 4/5

I like your writing style as well. It was definitely a good command of English + a tinge of humour. Your style made the funny reactions of Ki Min even funnier. I loved how you wrote about Ki Mun’s daydream in class when she first saw Changmin in her class. It was wild and funny. I almost fell of my chair laughing. I think a lot of people may have the picture of such scenes in their minds but somehow they couldn’t work it out in words. You managed to bring across that effect super well.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

I enjoyed the fic. =) It was like listening to nice punky song that isn’t too heavy and very fresh. It is the perfect fic for summer, and it brings a smile to my lips although there is a rain outside.

Bonus marks: 3/5

For enjoying what you are writing. I think from your writing it showed that you actually enjoyed what you are doing and it rubs on the readers. If you are happy, you make the readers happy as well =) I also liked your chapter titles, which you did not put as title, so I couldn’t really judge you on the title end. Rant. It’s just funny,

Total mark: 71 /100

Additional comments: Well, I am sorry if the review isn’t really comprehensive enough as your fic has barely got it’s pace up =) But I think I will be reading your fic when it updates. Thanks for sending in such a sweet story in for review.

Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)