Title: Wishes Made Under Midnight Tree
Author: Lovie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovie11/
Reviewed By: Keleos
First Impressions
Title: -/10
Challenge title, no comments. Only that, well, there’s a grammar error in there.
Poster and Background: 6/10
For a story like yours, I was expecting something less melancholic and something more adventurous. The whole effect that the graphics give is something that is pretty sad and pensive in nature, while the fics storyline is more on the fantasy side. I’m not an artist, so I won’t comment about the pictures used, but the colours could have been more exploratory, simply because your fic is fantasy based.
On top of that, this is probably the first fic that I found the black and coloured font combination boring and plain. It’s the nature of the story, and since graphics are an enhancement, then you really have to make use of them to bring out the character of the storyline.
Foreword: 7/10
Sort of, but not quite. I’m not exactly looking for a paragraph to introduce the whole thing, but more of snippets to introduce your characters and your story. Then again, it’s not wrong to present your story as you did, but the only problem with the whole thing is that it wasn’t exciting enough for me to want to click the NEXT button.
One thing to keep in mind when writing forewords is that you’ve got to know what the tone and pace of the rest of the story will look like, then craft your foreword based on that. It’s very technical, but it’s also very effective. =)
Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 3.5/5
Once again, nothing against the cast people, and even kudos to you daring to try out such a new pairing between Hebe and Jaejoong. When you try out such a new pairing, what’s really important is the characterisation, because there’re no guidelines for readers to look to, unlike maybe… Ella and Chun who were a couple in Hana Kimi, or Hebe and Arron, with so many of their fics running about. It’s daring, but it also requires skill for the whole thing to work out.
That said, I think you managed to work things out. The characterisation wasn’t vivid, but at least, if you removed the names, you’d still know who was who. The only thing I can fault on is that it was not enough. You need strong, distinct characteristics to make this whole fic work out, and yours wasn’t quite strong enough. On top of that, we have the average sad, weak, cute Hebe Tian who can’t seem to break out of this characterisation. It doesn’t hurt to try something more, really, and that applies for Hebe as well.
Story and Plotting: 8.5/15
A daring attempt to craft something very different from what we usually see. We’ve had an exhaustive share of our Cinderella or Snow White scene in so many of our fics or idol dramas, and while this one is one of those fics as well, if stands out in the way you decided to take a very fairy tale approach to the whole thing. I like the way you introduced the fantasy element in the story, because it gives incredibility to the tale and allows more room (and reader tolerance!) for sweet, saccharine pairings, scenes and things that they do. Put simply, it means that people are willing to read and tolerate your tendency to write clichéd scenes. I’ve said it, there’s a fine line between clichéd and sweet, and I think you did manage to handle that pretty well.
Number two. Put aside my earlier comments, there were some scenes that really screamed idol-ista. The fact that JaeJoong has to go overseas for study, and for wishing for Mr. Right, and… This is made up of countless clichéd scenes, seamlessly tied up together and sweet, but still a little yawn-worthy. After a while, you’d wish that there were fewer of those, even though some did manage to help the mood of the fic.
Finally, the brilliant ending. I really thought that let your story stand out against the other romantic fics, which have a defined sad or happy ending. I’ve had someone ask me before what sort of fic endings I like, and I said that I preferred those that have no set happy of sad ones, or endings that are poignant in nature. This qualifies as both, not so much poignancy, but enough, I guess, and I really like the way you decided to conclude the whole thing. It’s refreshing.
As a side note, do you happen to read Enid Blyton’s books? I realised Mr. Moonface is in there too. Never mind if you don’t know what I’m talking about. =P
Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
No major problems, and good language, as usual. Watch your grammar; it has the tendency to go a bit haywire sometimes. And maybe you might want to consider your choice of vocabulary the next time you attempt a fic of this type and genre. Less is more here.
And keep in mind, the word is ‘discomfort’, not ‘uncomfortable’.
Flow of Story: 6.5/10
Once again, no big problems, only I felt that it flowed a little too fast. One moment Hebe was waking up for a dream, another she was meeting JaeJoong and learning about the Midnight Tree, and then suddenly they fell in love. It’s a short story, yes, but this really occurred so rapidly that I couldn’t quite digest.
It’s a novel concept, so you’ve really got to take some time to allow that concept to sink in. Otherwise, if you have to keep your story short, then make the storyline simpler than it is. Write about the legend in your forewords, then introduce the story as a solely romantic one. Fewer elements to explain means more time to elaborate on emotions, sensations and actions.
Writing Style: 4/5
Good job here, nothing much to comment about, only that some parts get a tinge of monotony from too much narrating.
Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 9/15
I’m applauding your creativity in choosing a fairytale setting for this piece, because it’s very daring and different. It’s an age-old concept, but when you come down to it, it becomes very different and refreshing in its approach. The title is pretty much a fairy tale kind of title, and you really worked it to your advantage. Good work here.
Marks off for the fact that you couldn’t work original scenes and characters into your work, which is really a pity.
Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
A pretty decent piece for light reading, and plus its short, so it managed to capture my attention for the full time it was running. I couldn’t enjoy the pace, though, it was far too fast, but otherwise, a pretty good light-reading piece.
Bonus marks: 4/5
Two to responding to readers, one for promoting MT. None for X-factor, though, I found it ordinary.
Total mark: 62.5/90 = 69/100
Additional Comments: Here you go! I’m sorry this took so long, but here it is, finally! =) Keep going!
Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr
Author: Lovie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovie11/
Reviewed By: Keleos
First Impressions
Title: -/10
Challenge title, no comments. Only that, well, there’s a grammar error in there.
Poster and Background: 6/10
For a story like yours, I was expecting something less melancholic and something more adventurous. The whole effect that the graphics give is something that is pretty sad and pensive in nature, while the fics storyline is more on the fantasy side. I’m not an artist, so I won’t comment about the pictures used, but the colours could have been more exploratory, simply because your fic is fantasy based.
On top of that, this is probably the first fic that I found the black and coloured font combination boring and plain. It’s the nature of the story, and since graphics are an enhancement, then you really have to make use of them to bring out the character of the storyline.
Foreword: 7/10
Sort of, but not quite. I’m not exactly looking for a paragraph to introduce the whole thing, but more of snippets to introduce your characters and your story. Then again, it’s not wrong to present your story as you did, but the only problem with the whole thing is that it wasn’t exciting enough for me to want to click the NEXT button.
One thing to keep in mind when writing forewords is that you’ve got to know what the tone and pace of the rest of the story will look like, then craft your foreword based on that. It’s very technical, but it’s also very effective. =)
Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 3.5/5
Once again, nothing against the cast people, and even kudos to you daring to try out such a new pairing between Hebe and Jaejoong. When you try out such a new pairing, what’s really important is the characterisation, because there’re no guidelines for readers to look to, unlike maybe… Ella and Chun who were a couple in Hana Kimi, or Hebe and Arron, with so many of their fics running about. It’s daring, but it also requires skill for the whole thing to work out.
That said, I think you managed to work things out. The characterisation wasn’t vivid, but at least, if you removed the names, you’d still know who was who. The only thing I can fault on is that it was not enough. You need strong, distinct characteristics to make this whole fic work out, and yours wasn’t quite strong enough. On top of that, we have the average sad, weak, cute Hebe Tian who can’t seem to break out of this characterisation. It doesn’t hurt to try something more, really, and that applies for Hebe as well.
Story and Plotting: 8.5/15
A daring attempt to craft something very different from what we usually see. We’ve had an exhaustive share of our Cinderella or Snow White scene in so many of our fics or idol dramas, and while this one is one of those fics as well, if stands out in the way you decided to take a very fairy tale approach to the whole thing. I like the way you introduced the fantasy element in the story, because it gives incredibility to the tale and allows more room (and reader tolerance!) for sweet, saccharine pairings, scenes and things that they do. Put simply, it means that people are willing to read and tolerate your tendency to write clichéd scenes. I’ve said it, there’s a fine line between clichéd and sweet, and I think you did manage to handle that pretty well.
Number two. Put aside my earlier comments, there were some scenes that really screamed idol-ista. The fact that JaeJoong has to go overseas for study, and for wishing for Mr. Right, and… This is made up of countless clichéd scenes, seamlessly tied up together and sweet, but still a little yawn-worthy. After a while, you’d wish that there were fewer of those, even though some did manage to help the mood of the fic.
Finally, the brilliant ending. I really thought that let your story stand out against the other romantic fics, which have a defined sad or happy ending. I’ve had someone ask me before what sort of fic endings I like, and I said that I preferred those that have no set happy of sad ones, or endings that are poignant in nature. This qualifies as both, not so much poignancy, but enough, I guess, and I really like the way you decided to conclude the whole thing. It’s refreshing.
As a side note, do you happen to read Enid Blyton’s books? I realised Mr. Moonface is in there too. Never mind if you don’t know what I’m talking about. =P
Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
No major problems, and good language, as usual. Watch your grammar; it has the tendency to go a bit haywire sometimes. And maybe you might want to consider your choice of vocabulary the next time you attempt a fic of this type and genre. Less is more here.
And keep in mind, the word is ‘discomfort’, not ‘uncomfortable’.
Flow of Story: 6.5/10
Once again, no big problems, only I felt that it flowed a little too fast. One moment Hebe was waking up for a dream, another she was meeting JaeJoong and learning about the Midnight Tree, and then suddenly they fell in love. It’s a short story, yes, but this really occurred so rapidly that I couldn’t quite digest.
It’s a novel concept, so you’ve really got to take some time to allow that concept to sink in. Otherwise, if you have to keep your story short, then make the storyline simpler than it is. Write about the legend in your forewords, then introduce the story as a solely romantic one. Fewer elements to explain means more time to elaborate on emotions, sensations and actions.
Writing Style: 4/5
Good job here, nothing much to comment about, only that some parts get a tinge of monotony from too much narrating.
Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 9/15
I’m applauding your creativity in choosing a fairytale setting for this piece, because it’s very daring and different. It’s an age-old concept, but when you come down to it, it becomes very different and refreshing in its approach. The title is pretty much a fairy tale kind of title, and you really worked it to your advantage. Good work here.
Marks off for the fact that you couldn’t work original scenes and characters into your work, which is really a pity.
Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
A pretty decent piece for light reading, and plus its short, so it managed to capture my attention for the full time it was running. I couldn’t enjoy the pace, though, it was far too fast, but otherwise, a pretty good light-reading piece.
Bonus marks: 4/5
Two to responding to readers, one for promoting MT. None for X-factor, though, I found it ordinary.
Total mark: 62.5/90 = 69/100
Additional Comments: Here you go! I’m sorry this took so long, but here it is, finally! =) Keep going!
Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr
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