Title: You Promised Forever
Author: kawaii_love
Reviewed By: Yuki.
Title: 4/10
I think your title is rather cliché because there are many stories these days involving promises that lasts forever and stuff like that. Your title gave out the storyline a wee bit too much. You should have used an alternative to attract more readers because titles like yours are really common.
*Poster&Background: 4/10
I think you did put in effort to make the poster. However, I thought the colour of the text clashes with the poster. You didn’t make any background either, but you did bother to change the colour of the background. (I assume you don’t know how to make one.) Also, there is only the main male lead in the poster. Since the story doesn’t only revolve around one person, it’ll be better if a female lead was included. (You should use stock pictures because the female lead is a fictional character.)
*Foreword: 5/10
Your forewords did certainly introduce the characters but I don’t think it was important to know the character’s age, ethnicity and all. Their personality shouldn’t be introduced generally to the readers so as to sustain a certain level of mystery in the fic. A proper prologue (preview of the story) should be added instead of giving the whole storyline out. You shouldn’t ask questions, (Example: Can love overpower the fact that they never seen face to face?) it would be better to leave it up to the reader’s own imagination because if you ask questions like that, it’ll only give out the storyline more.
*Cast Used: 2/5
The personalities of the cast is rather common too, I have to say. Where the girl is cute and bubbly and the guy is strong and all loving. It was a little different during the period of time where Shelly lost her memory. She was rebellious and demanding. However, that again is another typical personality used in dramas. You should try to shape out the uniqueness of each character and how they react differently. How would they get along in the end if their personalities clash? (When thinking of this question please do not think of any personalities that are used in dramas. It would have a different result.)
*Originality & Creativity: 3/15
I have to admit that your story is rather cliché in a way. Starting from the fact that SungMin was a superstar and all to the car accident (which I know Super Junior did really experience last year) was very clichéd. I did feel a little turned off when I read that Shelly lost her memory and forgotten about SungMin and remembered her ex instead. However, I think it’s for a change that the female lead loses her memory because normally it’s the male lead that does so. Then, there was the ever so faithful SungMin who stayed by her side throughout. The ending wasn’t much of a twist either. It was just basically SungMin protecting Shelly and Shelly falls in love with him and so.
*Story&Plotting: 5/15
The storyline is generally quite predictable. I did see effort in trying to plot the story though. It would come out better if you added twists here and there.
*Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 4/10
There were some spelling mistakes which I think some are typing errors because of missing alphabets. A tad too much full stops were used, you should try commas for a change. I did feel a little irritated when there were too many full stops, it cut off some sentences. There were a few punctuation mistakes, mostly on full stops when it’s supposed to be a comma. There were some words missing from a sentence. (Example: She had impact on her head.) It’s supposed to be ‘She had an impact on her head.)
Your sentences were a little weird, but I can’t pinpoint where exactly. However, I spotted quite a number of sentence structure mistakes. Your English can be improved; you should read up more to widen your vocabulary. I think you’re improving in the way you describe the actions of the characters because you do try to describe more. Don’t only focus on their actions but also on their emotions to let readers understand what the characters are thinking about. I noticed that you used ‘magnae’ and you didn’t explain the meaning to the readers. It’s true that mostly Kpop fans would read the story, but you should still explain certain words that are in Korean to them. After all there might be new readers every now and then.
*Flow Of Story: 5/10
You tend to rush too much on things. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should really write on the emotions of the characters. Sometimes, there’s a little too much emphasis on the main characters. You can definitely try to let the rest of Super Junior participate more in the story – not too much though. It would be rather boring if the limelight is always focused on one pair alone.
Writing Style: 2.5/5
I like the fact that you try to describe as much as possible and try to make it more interesting. However, during the dialogues, it did indeed confuse me quite a bit. You shouldn’t separate the dialogues and the sentence describing it by a space. It makes the speeches weird and hard to identify the voice of the sentence.
*Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
Even though the story is a little cliché, however I do enjoy the humor you add in. It does really reflect the cuteness of Super Junior like they are. I did laugh when I read them and I like SungMin being overprotective and such.
*Bonus marks: 5 /5
You are an awesome author! ^^ You try to update everyday so that your readers wouldn’t have to wait for an update. I can see the amount of effort you add in to your story to make it more interesting for your readers. Also, you reply to them every update without fail and also you include many updates on Super Junior because you know your reader loves them. You are a wonderful author.
Total mark: 45.5/100~~~~~~~
*Additional comments:
Apart from the storyline and all, I think you did a great job. If you had another storyline, your marks would definitely be higher. Try to revise on your mistakes so that your story would be better and more interesting. I know you can do a great job ^^.
Reviewed by Yuki. @ midnight-tree.co.nr
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