AIn't NO CINDERELLA BOY

Title: AIn't NO CINDERELLA BOY

Author: shardaunei

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/shardaunei_4/

Reviewed By: v

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Title: 6/10
I know there's a meaning to why the n't was in lower case. But the title is not captivating enough to really trigger my interest. From the title, I can roughly figure how the story would be like, and fair enough the story and the title link.

Poster&Background: 5/10
I feel that the girl in the poster was kind of out of place, and the guy on the right should be placed somewhere on top since the picture has his head a little cut off. The background colour does not match the poster at all even though the font colour does.

Forewords: 7/10
I have to admit, I'm not familiar with J-Pop celebrities. But thankfully for the introduction in the forewords, I could refer to them as and when I accidentally forget their names or something. The forewords gives information on the story plot and the casts.

Cast Used: 3/5
Like I have mentioned, I am not familiar with the casts, so I am going to rate you by the personality you've injected into the casts you have chosen for your fan fiction. There really isn't much personality in the main characters. Yes, the stepfather of Yamapi and the evil stepbrother was very well portrayed. However, I feel that Masami's "want" and determination to meet Yamapi is missing, so is the resentment and helplessness Yamapi would have felt.

Originality & Creativity: 8/15
Well, adapted from Cinderella, it's hard to be rated high, especially when the storyline is almost the same except for the (very unrealistic) fairy godmother and the motive for the "Cinderella" to meet his Mayor's daughter.

Story&Plotting: 8/15
8 for the exceptions I had mentioned, differing this story from a typical Cinderella story, the part on Kenji's deliberate successful attempt to kill Yamapi's mother, and also, the involvement of Yamapi's "supporters" - the maid, the cook and his cousin.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
I do notice a few mistakes here and there, grammatically. But it's only human to err (:

Flow Of Story: 8/10
No sudden fast-forward in time, or delays. I feel that the story flows pretty well.

Writing Style: 3/5
Well, I'm not really sure if you have a specific writing style. But I think separating your paragraphs by leaving a line will make your story much neater. In some chapters, you left a line in between certain paragraphs but in most, you did not. I think, by keeping to a guideline (or a couple of them) you have set for yourself will bring out your writing style. And I am sure with a personalized writing style, readers will take notice of it.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
I have to say, I did not really enjoy the story.
And it is not because the story is similar to that of Cinderella's. But because you lacked the details. Just a suggestion from me: maybe you can let Yamapi reminisce the past when his mother was still alive, describe his emotions as he recalls her, portraying how much he misses the past. Perhaps that will allow readers to feel how Yamapi felt when his cousin hands him the bangle belonging to his parents.

Bonus marks: 2/5
For taking time to reply to your readers' comments.

Total mark: 63/100


Additional comments:
Hey! Sorry for the little delay (as compared to my previous reviews, yours in considered fast already! HAHA!). School work, assignments and projects, you know the typical life of a student ): Anyways, all the best in your future fan fictions. & the two you have not completed (you mentioned that in your forewords.)!!


Reviewed by v @midnight-tree.co.nr