Friends to Lovers OR Lovers to Friends

Title: Friends to Lovers OR Lovers to Friends
Author: Meng Rui Fan
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/strawberry14jam
Reviewed by: shattered teardrops

Disclaimer/Warning: First and foremost, the author has to be aware that I am a strict and a very specific reviewer. I will point out everything which I think can be improved/altered. I don’t know the author nor does he/she know me so I do not favor nor abhor her. So certainty can be guaranteed that this review is impartial and unbiased, and is solely based on the fanfic submitted to be reviewed.

Title: 4/10
~It’s not at all fresh. It did not spark any hint of interest in me the moment I read it. It’s a typical title and it already revealed a lot about the story such as the ‘friends-fall-in-love’ plot which I did not hesitate to predict and eventually proved that I was right as I read through your story. Also, it is too long, hence, boring and uninteresting. It’s not at all catchy. Simply put, it didn’t interest me at all. The points given were for the effort and the fact that it somehow has a connection to your story.

Poster and Background: n/a
~Maybe you could request for someone to do it?

Forewords: 4/10
~Direct to the point description of all the characters. Not that creative and inviting. I wish you added in a preview which would spark the interest and curiosity of your readers to take some time to read your story. And I don’t like how you named the school as C.U.T.E Institute. I won’t kill you for a lame school name but points will definitely be taken off. Can’t you think of something else to name a school with?

Cast Used: 2/5
~ I know S.H.E. & Fei Lun Hai (Fahrenheit). I am not really a fan of them or a hater but I do know them. I can perfectly imagine them acting out the scenes. I just don’t like how you always make them stick out their tongue on purpose to make them look cute. I think it’s a bit immature.

Originality & Creativity: 5/15
~ Cliché. Plain and simple cliché. Friends fall in love. Group of girls and group of guys hang around each other, have some problems here and there but in the end, fall in love with each other. It’s not exactly an original plot, you know. Even the school setting is cliché and Calvin’s problem with the arranged marriage is another certain cliché.
Another thing, I didn’t like how you placed “…They were in the second floor of their school`s 'whatever-building-that-is'…” Guess what, honey? You don’t have to think deeply to come up with something to name a building. How about Faculty Building? Administration Building? Honestly, don’t give me these nonsense. I don’t like reviewing works of authors who do their work without even planning out something. Besides, it’s just a name of a school building! Is it that hard to think of one? Puhleease.

Story and Plotting: 5/10
~ Apart from the fact that your story is cliché and you just started out writing your chapters, this is not exactly an original plot. This is pure honesty that coming at you straight from me. Your story bore me. I’ve read the same thing over and over again. Can’t you write a story with a different line of plot? The points were given for effort and for the fact that this is your first fic. I’m not that cruel, you know.
Also, please don’t post up nonsense chapters which are made up of a bunch of paragraphs and scenes thrown together in a page and then was simply declared a chapter. Write something sensible please. And plan out the events on your fic first before writing in order not to create something obviously unthought-of.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
~ You have a passable command of the English language with a few slips here and there which aren’t really obvious. I wish you’d use more descriptive sentences with each paragraph and not simply one-liners which make your chapters look boring. Honestly, I am not a fan of one-liners.

Flow of Story: 3/10
~ Judging from the four chapters you’ve already posted. The story flow is predictable. It’s not at all interesting. The three points were for effort.

Writing Style: 1/5
~ I am not a fan of one-liners. In fact, I hate them. They make the chapter look empty and the description for some scenes were lacking. I don’t even like how you included Ella tapping the table just to get Chun’s attention and ended up getting the whole class’ attention. It was simply nonsense. Can’t you think of anything more decent to write? Puhleease.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/10
~ To put it bluntly, I did not enjoy. It was so predictable and the whole thing was so unthought-of that I had to read your story thoroughly for the sake of reviewing.

Bonus marks: 3/5
~ You reply to your readers. Points for that.

Total Points: 37/90 or 47/100

Personal Remark:
~ I don’t mean to degrade you in any way. I know that this is your first fic here in Winglin and I’m sorry if I disappointed you with such a low score. One thing I can assure you of is that I don’t sugarcoat. Please think of better twists to put in your story. And if you’re disappointed with your score in my review, you can always review from other sites to console yourself. I’m sure they’ll give you a better score.

reviewed by shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr