My Stubborn Young Bride

Title: My Stubborn Young Bride
Author: jellybean
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/msyb_/
Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title
Not graded because it’s a challenge fic but I have to say the title’s cute.

Poster & Background : 9/10
Background doesn’t disrupt reading. Good.

Poster’s cute and suits the theme to a tee. I like it!

Forewords: 8/10
First, I have to thank you for writing in proper English. It is a nice break from all the horrible English that have be surfacing in Winglin.

Second, thanks for such a cute forewords. It wasn’t really funny but I liked how it was just simple, easy and yes, cute will still be the best word for it. King Charming, Prince Charming Sr and Prince Charming Jr with Snow White is just perfect parody material.

Third, kudos for igniting my interest in your fic.

Cast Used: 4/5
Splendid characterizations. I thought it was cute to see Arron and Calvin as twins who look alike but think differently. Jiro stands out for me as well with the nasal voice. Chun as the “unconventional” prince gripped me as well. Selina’s Rapenzuel is another extremely cute character. Somehow I am able to picture Selina being trapped in the tower.

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
I think your story isn’t 100% original given that the title pretty much dictates a story like that. Although an attempt like that is fresh on Winglin, it has been done quite a number of times. I struggled with giving you a higher creativity mark because technically it’s not the newest idea ever.

I also liked the little monologue that you do at the start of the story. It’s a common phenomenon in dramas but very rare has people transferred it into writings. So that’s good.

But creative or not, I still like the story =)

Story & Plotting: 10/15
I don’t think you have any major problems in the area of plotting or storyline. But it’s really too early in the plot to say anything because Ella, the other main character hasn’t even appeared! But up till now, the story is just fun. Nothing much that is intense but I think readers will still return to the story simply because it’s just fun to read. Come back when you are done with the story then we will see how the story actually moves on and all. The your grade can be better justified.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
I don’t think I have any problems with it. I liked your descriptions and your command of English is definitely above average. Your sentences generally feel good to read as well. Well done.

Flow Of Story: 7/10
Well since it’s only the beginning of the story, I don’t think any comment here is set in stone. It’s more of an opinion from the few chapters you have posted. I don’t have much problems with the flow up till now. Things progress in a smooth and satisfactory pace.

You may want to try to intertwine more things together at the same time to make a greater impact. But in any case this is perfectly fine as of now.

Writing Style: 3.5/5
I think you stand out as a person in the fic. I like how you have a little naughty and fun streak within your writing and how you managed to make the fic easy reading without compromising on quality. When I read, it feels like your words bounces and it makes me really happy.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I think my delight in the story has been shown throughout the review. The fic made me smile and perked me out. It may be lame, but definitely a fun journey. Kudos!

Bonus marks: 3/5
For editing your story almost a year after it was published and reviving it of sorts by sending it for review. And for making a truly fun story.

Total mark: 69.5/90 (77/100)

Additional comments:
I know your review might be slightly shorter than most people but well, it’s not exactly a bad thing because it simply means that I don’t have much to complain about your story =)

Thanks, really.

Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess @midnight-tree.co.nr)