The School Gangster Wants Me?!

Title: The School Gangster Likes Me?!
Author: Elizna Lor
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/elizna_lor/
Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title : 5/10
The title’s grammatically sound and all but the main problem I had was with the connotation. It sounded like some typical high school story with some ordinary girl which was spotted by some big bully. Something on the lines of Meteor Garden.

Poster & Background : 3/5
No background so it’s /5.

Poster is okay but nothing spectacular. In other words, it doesn’t stand out. The shade of blue’s pretty nice by the way.

Forewords: 6/10
The poem-ish thing on your forewords worried me. Your English didn’t seem too secure to me. Moreover, as stated in the forewords, it sounded cliché and more cliché!

But credits are given to the rather nicely done trailers which serve as good enough introduction.

Cast Used: 2/5
As I am not very familiar with the cast used, this section will solely focus on the characterizations which sadly, are almost non existent.

The only thing that stood out for Seul Gi was her talent in designing. Ayumi was just the sister. Che Yeon is the angel from heaven. The guys were a blur with nothing more than just a mention of names.

Seriously, is there a need to mention so many people? Even if you say that you are unable to develop all the characters you brought up, surely, the main characters can be developed just a bit more?

Originality & Creativity: 2/15
What creativity?

First we have a pair of sisters who are abused by the father and then they meet up with the cool guy of the school. The guy falls in love with the main character and then another guy (as cool as the first) falls in love with the girl as well.

I could barely find a shred of creativity in your story. Even the incidents like the gangs fighting against each other or how the gangs were punished for coming back late reminded me of either some show or some books I read.

It’s clicheness at its max and all I can say is, sorry but it’s boring.


Story & Plotting: 6/15
Besides the fact that the story is boring and that some parts may proceed to fast, the plot is there. A tiny suggestion for you though, perhaps, you could actually include more incidents between Seul Gi and either Siwon or Sangmin to further develop the relationship as although the story is already at chapter 14, it still felt like the story isn’t really progressing much besides some hints of love between the characters.

Another thing to take note is that your story, contrary to what your readers feel, does not really make me want to come back for more.

And the reason why although your plot is pretty much there I can’t give you a higher grade it’s because of how hollow the story sounded with the obvious lack of descriptions of the characters, actions, atmosphere etc. It sounded like summary of a story rather than the story itself.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 4/10
Sentence number 1 of chapter 1 has a grammar error. It’s clutched instead of clutch. And there you were confirming my suspicions about your standards of English. The story from then on was rampant with grammatical errors of all sorts be it tenses, sentence structure, word forms etc. I do believe that some of the mistakes are more of a slip than a true mistake and the lesson is that, PLEASE CHECK! On the other hand, it would be advisable for someone to proof read for you.

Flow Of Story: 5/10
It wasn’t too much of a bumpy ride. So you pass this section. And as I have said in the Story and Plotting section, it may be good for you to do more to develop the relationship of the characters.

Writing Style: 2/5
I hate one liners.

My justifications for that is that usually people will miss out on descriptions when their story is written in one liners. Also, it looks pretty unprofessional as well.

Another thing that I have grievances about is the length of your story. Its filled with one liners (thus space wasting) but not very long in length. I guess you could afford to make your chapters longer.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/10
Sorry dude. But I didn’t enjoy it. Clicheness and one liners ain’t my cup of tea. The two goes for the way Moon speaks. I found it absolutely adorable.

Bonus marks: 3/5
Well, admist everything, I think there are things that you ought to be credited for. Firstly, the trailers. I liked them. Secondly, I realized that you actually had quite a bit of posters for the characters you introduced. Finally, I guessed I did see some effort from you. You did try and I think you deserve the mark for that.

Total mark: 40/95 (42/100)

Additional comments:
I do recognize that you do have quite a number of supporters for your story. But since I really don’t enjoy the story, there isn’t much point in pretending right?

Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess @midnight-tree.co.nr)