Sunrise

Title: Sunrise

Author: v

URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/fyn

Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6/10

This title is sweet. I have to admit that I was attracted to this title when I first saw it. But, it’s such a pity that it was not really original and creative, for I have seen quite a number of fanfics with this title. This is where your two marks have gone to. The other two marks has been penalised for the fact that the focus of your story is deviating from sunrise. The emphasis placed on sunrise is not enough. You will need to work on that. =]

Poster & Background: 9/10

This poster would have been perfect if the designer removes the two pictures left dangling in the bottom right-hand corner of the poster. To me, they seem superfluous and out of place.
But, generally, the poster suits the mood of the story very well. I must comment that it is very well done. =)

Foreword: 6.5/10

The forewords seem messy. I can understand that you’re trying to include snippets of the story to arouse interest in the readers, but this is not really well done because you’re not focusing on what you want to convey to the readers. You must choose the scenes to be included carefully.
If your story is going to be about a simple and sweet romance, you can include "I’ll love you till the end of time," I whispered softly in her ear, ruffling her smooth hair." But, if your story is going to be about a sad, melancholic romance, you should include the climax, for example, the scene where Ah Sen realises that Xuan is gone. This would definitely interest the readers to read on. This is a little suggestion. I hope it will be helpful. =)
However, I have to say your first paragraph is really well done. Short and sweet. I could immediately feel how sad the protagonist felt when he was saying this. Maybe, this paragraph can be included. *winks*

Cast Used: 4/5

I like this pairing. I must say, not many authors have explored this pairing yet. :)
Originality & Creativity: 8/15
This story has too many cliché scenes for example, how they met and how one of the protagonist contracted cancer. This is why the marks for this criterion has been penalised. Try to include more creativity. I would suggest to you to make more daring attempts. Remember, this is your story and you can write anything you want. :]

Story & Plotting: 12/15

Clear organisation of thoughts and ideas can be seen. That was well done.
However, I think every chapter is lacking of a small climax to keep the readers in the suspense and make them want to click the "Next" button. This story would have been successful if the story is a completed one because the readers can read at individual paces. The little suspense at the end of every chapter will be enough to sustain for a few minutes. However, you must not forget that this is a fanfiction that is to be updated by the author. If the suspense at the end of every chapter is not enough to sustain for a longer period of time, the readers would be likely to forget the previous chapters when they re-visit the story after a long time. This means that you story is not outstanding enough and doesn’t leave a deep impression in them.
So, this is something you can work and improve on. =]

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7.5/10

There are some little mistakes of grammer and spelling here and there. But, I believe they can easily be corrected. Just remember to check every chapter before posting them up and you will be fine. :]
Flow of Story: 9/10

The flow of the story is smooth and the story is well-paced. It doesn’t create any discomfort at all and it actually gives the readers space and time to ponder. This is highly commendable. Keep it up! =D

Writing Style: 5/5

I would give high recognition to you here. I am really impressed with your writing style. It is prominent and consistent throughout the whole story.
I would use "short and sweet" to describe your writing style because I rarely finds long, run-on sentences or paragraphs. Instead, you develop a softer approach towards the readers. Although you chose to narrate the story in different point of views of the two protagonists, the story was still very clear and easy to understand.
Also, what’s most impressive is how you build up the characterisation of the characters through the different point of view of the two characters. As I read your story, I realise that you didn’t tell and describe the characters directly, but chose to "tell" the readers through dialogues and the characters’ point of views. For example, "He doesn’t like to talk." from Xuan’s point of view. From here, the readers can infer that Ah Sen is a quiet person who doesn’t like to interact with the others. This is really well done. Not is it different from others, it has even developed to become your individual unique style of writing. Do continue it! :D

Overall Enjoyment: 9/10

This is definitely a piece of light reading suitable for leisure readings. I really enjoy this story very much. I am also impressed how it managed to arouse a mixture of feelings in me, sweet and simple yet it has a tinge of melancholic feeling. =)

Bonus marks: 4/5

Two marks goes to replying the readers and appreciating their comments. The other two marks goes to the fact that I have really enjoyed this fanfic. :)

Total mark: 80/100

Additional comments:

Dearest gal, I’m so sorry for the late review! I was having my exams previously. Hope you will understand.
One last comment on your story, your story is weak in terms of content. However, your writing style is impressive. So, remember to work harder on content wise! Good luck! :DD

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr