to love or to hate

Title: to love or to hate

Author: by Jelly

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Jelly96/

Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 5.5/10

The title itself wasn't too outstanding. It was very common in Winglin so it wasn't too attractive.

Poster & Background = --/10

Since you didn't have a poster or a background, I shouldn't mark on this then.:)

Foreword = 5/10
The cast was clearly listed out. Nice job on that. However, the short paragraphs made me a little hesitant to read on. It also sounded too cliché to me. Maybe you could add in more emotions to enhance the whole forewords :) Just a penny of my thoughts :P

Cast = 2/5

Not much comment on the cast. :) Great pairing but hardly any characterizations. Perhaps because it was only the beginning of the story?

Originality & Creativity = 5/15

I saw no originality there. No much creativity too. The chapter still sounded cliché to me and highly overused. Try adding in more, emotional to enhance the whole story. Adding in a little twists here and there would also help the story to be better.

Plot = 5/15

Quite commonly used. Either way, it was going to be lover together or haters apart. They were so predictable in the sense that it would bore the reader. Try to add in more twists here and there to make it more interesting and less predictable. More emotional development of the character would be a plus.

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 4/10

I found it hard to read the story with the kind of sentence structure you were using. You had a big problem making up sentence and joining them together properly. It seemed to be like one whole big chunk of words without fullstop or comma that didn’t sound too right. Like this:

So when they went to the tennis court Myolie was telling Raymond "can you please help me with some thing can you make Bosco jealous please" Raymond said "but he is my cousin" Myolie then said "I know but just pretend you’re my boyfriend for like around 3 or 4 days please" Raymond then said "okay".
Should had been written like:

So, when they went to the tennis court.

"Can you please help me think of ways to made Bosco jealous, Please?" Myolie told Raymond

"But he is my cousin.' Raymond said

"I know, but just pretend to be my boyfriend for a few days, Please?' Myolie said

"Okay" Raymond said

It looked nicer and sounded better.

You usage of words is sometimes wrong in the story as well.

It made the story hard to read and a little out of place at some scenes.

Flow Of The Story: 4.5/10

I was a little un-comfortable with the flow, I found it a little too, out of place. It was a little bumpy here and there. Try to break down long and choppy sentences to made the story flow better.

Writing Style: 2/5

I find your writing style a little awkward. A little bumpy here and there like I mentioned in the flow. Correct them and i believe you can improve more on it. :)

Overall enjoyment = 3/10

I hardly enjoyed the story. The chunky sentences made my reading more un-pleasant.. The awkward and bumpy flow of the story really turn me off from the story. But I believed that if you improve more on your flow and writing style, the story would get better. Cut down on choppy and unwanted sentence and down with un-wanted words.

Bonus Mark: 0/5

Total: 36

Additional Comments:
Like I mentioned. Cut down on those choppy and long sentences. Get rid of those awkward and bumpy flow. I believed the story can be much better this way. Forgive me for the low marks, I had tried my best not to be too hard on marks but I couldn't help much. So sorry about it. Maybe when you made the story better and finish it, you can request a review for it again.. :)

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr