Title: Until You Lose Her
Author: by sam
Reviewed by: Lamer_
Title = 7.5/10
The title itself is much attractive and eye-catching.. It catch my attention when i first read them.. Good job.. I also can see how it's link with the story.. :) Nice connection..
Poster & Background = 8/10
Sweet.. I love the poster.. :) It match very well with the background.. Giving off sweet-ness which suit very much with the theme.. :)
Foreword = 6/10
The cast line is clearly list out.. Nice job.. I don't really encourage using other names for the main cast as i find it confusing when i continue to read on.. The short paragraph you state to start off the story wasn't too attractive to made me want to read on.. It sound like same kind of romance story out in winglin.. Maybe you can add in a little more something to made a sparkle out of it..
Cast = 3/5
No much comment on the cast.. :) Great pairing.. Characterizations wise, i can see some effort for it.. But, as i mention in the foreword part, i don't not encourage changing of name for the cast as it will cause some confusion on the later part.. Take note of that..
Originality & Creativity = 11/15
Well.. To be honest.. There are a whole lot of romance story out there with the person liking each other for very long, yet i hardly seen any kind of story like yours which writes about two non-blooded siblings liking each other.. It was quite original and creative in the sense.. Howevere, i find some part of the story too commonly used in those romance kind of story.. I mean, about, the triangle parts of them tangle together is quite commonly used and quite predictable.. However, in the later part of the story, the twistes made surprise me and making the story much more un-predictable, making the reader wanting to read on, good job.. :)
Plot = 10/15
I find the story plot pretty interesting.. Ranging from the starting when two un-related non-blooded person become siblings and the sister had crushed on his brother.. To sandra's love realtionship with luke and charile.. All of them are well-written and well planned out.. However, i believe you could add in more emotional aspect of the character of the story into the story to enhance the story.. What's more is, some twist of the story are so much predicated that it may boreds out the reader, take note of them and made them more, interesting and un-predicated.. So much so that, it will made your story much more better.. :)
Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 7.5/10
The language in the story ain't that bad.. But grammer wise, i believe you can be better in it when you practise more on writting.. Pratise made prefect.. :) Other then that, i also notice some problem in your phrasing of words.. Meaning you tend to put words in the wrong order or position.. Like for example..
Instead of this..
Sandra was once a sweet girl with two loving parents was never going to be the same again at home.
You can re-pharse them like this..
Once a sweet girl with two loving parent, Sandra will never going to be the same at home..
It sound more smooth flowing like this?? Right??
Other then that, Everything is just fine.. :)
Flow Of The Story: 8/10
The flow was quite smooth.. Everything is well written in detail.. The speed was just nice, right tempo.. :) Good job.. :)
Writing Style: 4/5
Your writing style is good.. Clear and smooth.. Easy to follow flow.. Everything was just nice.. :)
Overall enjoyment = 8/10
I clearly enjoy the story.. Interesting plot and full of twists and surprises.. :) The chapter are all clearly written and i can follow them without much confusion, Good job.. :)
Bonus Mark: 3/5
2 for replying readers and 1 for the effort for writting the story.. :)
Total: 76
Additional Comment:
Like i mention.. Your story was nice.. :) I suggest you to add in more emotional aspect part for the character to made the story better.. :) More interaction between the characters are also strongly encourage.. :) All the best then.. :)
Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr
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