Title: You, The Love Snatcher; Me, The Victim
Author: lildragongurl~ aka devilishgiirl
Reviewed By: v
Title: 6/10
I thought the title was a little too long. I could already tell how the storyline would be by just reading the title, and I thought I could count on some unexpected surprises. I was pretty disappointed.
I thought the title was a little too long. I could already tell how the storyline would be by just reading the title, and I thought I could count on some unexpected surprises. I was pretty disappointed.
Poster & Background: 8.5/10
The poster is really pretty, though the birds on the bottom right hand corner looked a little out of place. Along with the matching background, I think it looks near perfection (:
Foreword: 6.5/10
Straight forward and to the point.
Characters were introduced along with their background.
Straight forward and to the point.
Characters were introduced along with their background.
Cast Used: 3/5
The triangle love between Hebe, Jiro and Arron is very often used. Your characters lack a bit of their own personality. I thought by injecting a suitable and uncommon personality for them would be able to bring out the characters in your story, not just the celebrities themselves.
Originality & Creativity: 6/15
Not much originality in it, I would say. It's the usual triangle love in school; puppy love. Maybe you can relate the story to your own experiences, that way, I think it'll make your story one of a kind.
Story & Plotting: 8/15
The story is pretty predictable, so far. Like what the title states, there will be a someone who will try to break a couple up thinking love equates to possession of one’s love one. Like I mentioned earlier, I was really hoping for a surprise somewhere somehow. That way, it’ll make your story different from others. Being unique is the key to high review marks, and high readership.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 5.5/10
There were quite a number of grammatical errors in the story. It was as if you had just type it on the site without drafts, and that you hadn’t run through your chapters on MS Word for spelling and grammar mistakes.
Flow of Story: 6/10
I felt that it went way too fast. One moment, Arron had just returned from overseas, and another they pretend to be lovers, and the next moment Arron released his first album, and is preparing for a concert? Everything’s running too fast, isn’t it?
Maybe you should take some time to describe the more important and interesting scenes? Like when and why Arron return from overseas, and how he has slowly bonded with Hebe, and how Ariel actually got into the music entertainment.
I felt that it went way too fast. One moment, Arron had just returned from overseas, and another they pretend to be lovers, and the next moment Arron released his first album, and is preparing for a concert? Everything’s running too fast, isn’t it?
Maybe you should take some time to describe the more important and interesting scenes? Like when and why Arron return from overseas, and how he has slowly bonded with Hebe, and how Ariel actually got into the music entertainment.
Writing Style: 2/5
No bad intentions, but from reading your fan fiction, I thought you sound as if you were very young. Perhaps 12 – 14? Your focus seemed to be off the little arguments between Arron and Hebe; cute it may seem, but it gets not very enjoyable after a few chapters.
Maybe you can refer to deeper novels, take note of their writing style, process them a little, and make you own? I think quite a lot of writers started out like that, reading novels and learning from it. Of course, I’m not asking you to copy, it’s just a suggestion to have a little reference and learn from it.
No bad intentions, but from reading your fan fiction, I thought you sound as if you were very young. Perhaps 12 – 14? Your focus seemed to be off the little arguments between Arron and Hebe; cute it may seem, but it gets not very enjoyable after a few chapters.
Maybe you can refer to deeper novels, take note of their writing style, process them a little, and make you own? I think quite a lot of writers started out like that, reading novels and learning from it. Of course, I’m not asking you to copy, it’s just a suggestion to have a little reference and learn from it.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/10
If it wasn’t a review, I think I would have given up trying to finish reading the chapters. I didn’t quite enjoy the story because it lacked content. There was no descriptions on relevant scenes, long elaboration on mundane conversations/arguments and the predictability of the plot.
Bonus marks: 1/5
For the effort you have put in to reply comments from your readers.
Total mark: 57.5/100
Additional comments:
Hi! I’m terribly sorry for the delay in review. I had too many things on my to-do list and then I went on hiatus to hide. HAHA. Anyways, I’m sure you can do better in your future stories/chapters! Good luck girlfriend. You can do it! (:
Reviewed by v @midnight-tree.co.nr
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