Maid in Tokyo

Title: Maid in Tokyo
Author: discoteque
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/discoteque
Reviewed By: Yuki.
 
Title: 6/10
Your title was pretty straightforward; it didn’t hold any suspense or whatsoever. It gave off the impression of the ‘master & maid love’ at first sight so it might only attract readers who like that kind of story. (Well, I like it xD)

Poster & Background: 4/10
I would say that the poster looks rather weird because the background of the poster looks sort of cute and outgoing while the pictures of the characters look kind of solemn. The poster itself wasn’t really well done because it doesn’t suit the mood and it didn’t have much appeal (I’m sorry ><). Also, there isn’t any background provided. You might want to change the font colour codes so that the main page would appeal more to readers to click on one of the links.
 
Foreword: 2/10
The information provided in your forewords was unnecessary. You didn’t need to tell the readers what were the characteristics of your characters and whatnot. It would only somehow give away your story. You should include a prologue to capture the reader’s attention so that they would come back for more. 

Cast Used: 4/5
Well, the first chapter instantly told me that Mio is a strong and persistent girl :]. I liked the way she told Sawada that she didn’t bear any hatred to him and she was going to act professional at her job, it isn’t common to hear this not-bearing-any-hatred thing these days. I adore her character :]. It was rather surprising Sawada that felt bad when Mio quitted her job indirectly because of him, it didn’t seem like how every original male lead would act :].

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
I wouldn’t say this story is exactly original but I did see some careful planning to spice up this story. Although it seemed rather plain initially but it was great to see Mio being strong and clear headed, you don’t get to see that a lot nowadays. It did turn out to be unexpected from the characters. 

Story & Plotting: 10/15
As I’ve mentioned earlier, your story did start off a little plain and unnoticed. However, I could literally imagine the scene where Sawaka & Mio shook hands when they both agreed to be professional about the maid thing. I thought it was a really cut way to start the interactions between them. I got mislead when I read about Yuki’s [hahah, same name] first appearance because it did seem like Mio liked him more than he did [or was I just dense?] I guess I was taken by surprise when Yuki confessed his well-kept feelings for Mio. I was blown away when I read continued the journey to finishing the story because almost everything came out the least I expected them to. 

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
One of your biggest mistake in the story lies in the tenses you use. (E.g Original; She dropped the mop she’s been holding… Correct; She dropped the mop she had been holding.) I could spot quite a handful of mistakes in the first chapter alone, it would chase away readers who are really mind about grammar. I noticed that you used a Japanese word in the midst of the chapters and I would say it would be better if you included explanation for that word, it might not seem much but it’s the little effort you can do to ensure your readers understand. I see a wider range of vocabulary from this story compared to others on winglin, it would be certainly more intense if you could describe the character’s actions a little more. There were some spelling errors, which most of them can be overlooked but maybe you would like to proof read before posting up the chapter. There are too many hyphens appearing where they shouldn’t be. 

Flow Of Story: 9/10
The flow of the story was pretty stable, I didn’t expect them to develop that fast though. Other than that, I guess everything was well planned and it was carried out well.

Writing Style: 4/5
Overall, your writing style was fine. However, you should not mix the character’s thoughts together with their actions so as to avoid confusion. (E.g Uncivilised creature, she thought furiously.) It would be better if you added in inverted commas to avoid the confusion :].

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I knew I already mentioned this but I guess wanted to let you know again; I adore Mio :]. I love her character! I enjoyed how each chapter was started like a brand new page instead of linking everything together. 

Bonus marks: 3/5
The contents page looks sort of messy and it would definitely be quite taxing if any of the readers wanted to locate a particular chapter. I love the adorable ending :].
 
Total mark: 65/100
 
Additional comments: Sorry for taking such a long time to complete your request ><. Mixture of laziness and forgetfulness. Do drop a tag if you’ve any enquiries regarding this review :].

Reviewed by Yuki.@midnight-tree.co.nr-

Never Again

Title: Never Again
Author: teriyaki18
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/junjin
Reviewed By: Lovie


Title: 5.5/10
This title is okay. Nothing interesting, nothing special. It would not have caught my attention if I’m scrolling down the Winglin webpage. At the sound of it, it immediately speaks of unrequited love, which is a very cliché-like story.

After finishing all the chapters, your story further proved my point. This title was incongruous. Rhianne was determined not to go to any blind dates anymore, so it was “Never Again”. However, your storyline was about this sweet romance. It looked as though you’re deviating from the topic, but actually you gotten your story an inappropriate title.

Try to think of a more catchy title.


Poster & Background: 3/10
This poster is quite poorly done. Of course, I’m not a professional graphic designer. I may not be able to offer you professional critics on this artwork, but what I can offer is some feedbacks, from a reader’s point of view.

Basically, in overall, I think the poster is messy. All the pictures look out of place, for example, the picture on the right. You should use a smaller brush, if not the superfluous parts are not erased completely. Also, the font of the quote is not well-chosen. Orange doesn’t go prettily with black here in this case.

Personally, I would encourage authors to design their posters and background. So, the three marks there are meant to encourage you to continue to design. Try to go for more photoshop tutorials. I’m sure you’ll make a great designer. =]


Foreword: 6/10
The suspension you attempted to create isn’t enough for me to click the “next” button. Again, the first thing that came to my mind is the word ‘cliché’ - a special person will appear to change the protagonist’s perspective of blind dating. Instead of using this summary as the prelude to your story, I think you should try “bombshell” instead. Include the climax in your prologue to interest your readers.

The character introduction you have there isn’t enough either. You’re simply telling me she’s a homicide detective, and she hates blind dating. Maybe you can include a small point of view from her, for example, “Oh my god! Why am I feeling this way? (etc)” This will interest your readers because they would want to find out how she is responding to the other protagonist.


Cast Used: 5/5
I assume that the characters are fictional as I have not heard of them before.
I do like this pairing. =)

I’m impressed by your characterisation. Strong characterisation. What makes your characterisation more special is, you present your characterisation through the different perspectives of the protagonists. Good job. Keep it up.


Originality & Creativity: 10/15
A romance between an officer and a surgeon is definitely refreshing, which makes your story very different from the others. However, after reading your story, I think it was quite disappointing, or should I say, it did not meet my expectations. I expected more because this storyline certainly has the potential. It’s just that you have yet to explore deep enough. Maybe you would want to try exploring deeper into their careers. You did, for Rhianne, but not Junjin. You can do some more brainstorming to be more creative.


Story & Plotting: 13/15
Just like what I have just said, your storyline is quite creative, so you get your points for story.

Likewise, for plotting, I think you have done quite a good job. The small climaxes at the end of each chapter were done prettily. You managed to keep me suspense and make me want to read more. Keep it up.


Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10
You didn’t have a big problem with grammer and spelling, as I hardly spot any. But, there were some careless ones. Just remember to check each chapter before posting them up next time.

You had quite a wide range of vocabulary. It’s just a pity you didn’t use more. Remember to use more descriptive ones. They certainly would be enjoyable.


Flow Of Story: 8/10
In overall, you have done a good job, for all the chapters were flowing smoothly.
There were some parts which interrupted the flow. For example, the part where Rhianne left. You immediately continue the story with their lives after four years. That was too abrupt. I would suggest you start a new chapter on it.

Another example, chapter : Random Thoughts. I’m certainly not enjoying this chapters because the thoughts were indeed random. I can understand you’re trying to do flashbacks in amidst of the climax, where Junjin could possibly die. But, instead of reminiscing, I found it confusing, especially parts where the flashbacks had no links to the climax at all. The problem lies in the wrong choices of scenes.


Writing Style: 4.5/5
You had a unique style of writing, with your chapters written in quite short sentences. Surprisingly, I felt that you had done an excellent job. Your story flows very smoothly, even when the sentences were short and sweet. This proves that simplicity is the best. You allowed the readers to find beauty within the simplicity of the words. Well done.

However, if you want your writing style to be more distinctive, you have to write more and gain experiences.


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Oh I have got to admit I really like this story. I found this story to be really sweet.

I would highly recommend this story to those who go for sweet romance. =)


Bonus marks: 4/5
2 marks for the efforts you have put in.
2 marks for the enjoyment you have given me. =]


Total mark: 75/100


Additional comments: I’m sorry this review came so late. Hope you will like this review! :D

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr
-

Existing, Forever.

Title: Existing, Forever
Author: halky
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/halky6/
Reviewed By: v

Title: 6/10
The title did sound a little alluring. But it doesn't seem to really have a link with the story. At the end of the story, it was written, "The whole happy family ran towards the court and giggled happily. There they are, and would always be, existing, forever." But I do not see how they will be there existing forever. I thought it would fit better if it was changed to, perhaps, the couple's love or the happiness and stuffs like that.

Poster & Background: 8/10
I liked the choice of having a gray background. The dark emotions on the top of the poster and the vibrant colour below. To me, the top represents the struggle Arron and Hebe went through during the time she was sick, and the vibrant colours shows the state of happiness the family were in in the end.

Great job on that!

Foreword: 7/10
I enjoyed the forewords. It explained the reason for their marriage and how their character in the beginning. Arron being the unfriendly cold groom and Hebe the submissive bride, helpless to both the marriage and Arron's unkindness.

Cast Used: 2/5
Many authors have been pairing Arron and Hebe together. It's always the unfriendly Arron paired up with a kind-hearted and vulnerable Hebe. And then Arron becomes friendly and loving. Characters and their personalities are somewhat predictable.

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
Forced marriage, diseased, limited time to live. We have read that all many times, even in television shows or movies. But Hebe on a wheelchair, a marriage in a beautiful gown on a wheelchair - this makes the story a little different.

Story & Plotting: 9/15
I thought it was quite predictable. And the plot on sickness and forced marriage had been widely overused.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Mistakes are inevitable. But still, I think you did great (:


Flow Of Story: 8/10
I felt that it went on pretty fast. A whole lot of the story was not told. Maybe that's your writing style, I am not sure. But I thought, perhaps, if the part on Hebe struggling to live is elaborated, the emotions will be better portrayed.

Writing Style: 4/5
You are quite descriptive, and I like that. It allows one to really imagine everything going on, the way the story was told, in one's mind. At least, it was like that for me.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
I would have really enjoyed it if the story was longer and much elaborated.
But you did great (:

Bonus marks: 2/5
For dedicating the last chapter to them to thank your readers for reading.

Total mark: 69/100

Additional comments:
I’ve finished reading a couple of days ago, but I was rushing through my report assignments (note the 's'). Sorry for the late review. I’ll hope to hear from you again through story reviews. And good luck with your remaining and future fan fictions!

Reviewed by v @midnight-tree.co.nr

Unspoken Feeling

Title: Unspoken Feeling

Author: -shratlen-

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/shratlen/

Reviewed By: Lamer_

Disclamer: The review below is clearly just a penny of my thought, So no offence to anyone..

Title: 6/10

Title looks nice.. :) Sound a little sad for me?? But it does attract my attention if I see it at the winglin main page, I'll tempted to click on it..

Poster & Background : 6/10

First look, it's quite nice.. But on closer look, I find the poster a little too overly populated, with the cast picture.. It make the overall feel a little messy.. Do take note about it.. I feel the quote are a little too much(i mean, too wordly), I feel it's best to break them up and place them around a suitable place so it won't look so messy like what it is now(i mean, the words are all located at the same spot which made it look so crowded, making it worse for the whole poster feel.). But, I do like the pinky-ness and sweetness that the poster emit out, which match with the theme.. Background wise, i find the word colour of the story clash a little with it.. Do take note of that also..

Forewords: 4/10

Cast list clearly listed out.. Intro is nice.. Quote are not bad.. :) However, when I read on, I find that it's quite similar to the story out in the winglin site(romance) and sound a little cliché.. Marks down for that.. Overall, not too bad.. :)

Cast Used: 2/5

The pairing was great.. Characterizations wise, I do see some effort you put in for it.. However, they are not clearly well portrayed, more can be done to enhance it.. :)

Originality & Creativity: 4/15

Not too much originality.. Like what I mention, it's somehow or rather quite similar to story out there for romance type like your's.. However, you did try to add on to make it more, intersting(I had to confess, it doesn't work too much for me).. Instead of Triangle love, you add on another guy to make it more complicated.. Good try?? Yet, they sound too plain to me.. I strongly suggest you add in more emotional aspect of the character plus a bit more interaction between the character will do the trick.. :) I also hope you add in more twist and surprises the reader.. :)

Story & Plotting: 5/15

Storyline and plotting is quite common.. Quite predictable, which tends to bore readers out.. So I strongly suggest you to inject more surprise to make the story more interesting.. :) More emotional development of the character would be a plus.. Try to expand the relationship of the character out more and let the reader's imagination run wild.. :)

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10

I had a quite hard time trying to read your story.. Spelling mistakes are flying all over the place.. Tense are wrong at times.. I can see that you have a limited vocabulary, try adding in more to made the story more, nice and better.. :) For spelling wise, I strongly advise you, either you type this out in microsoft word (which will correct every mistake you do) or find a beta reader whom you can trust to correct your mistake(it can be your good friend, or even your cousin or relative who has a better command of the language).. Don't worry, Practise makes perfect.. So continue writting and I believe you can improve.. :)

Flow Of Story: 5/10

I find your story speed quite, unstable.. You move too fast at some part, yet, move too slowly at certain part.. Try to find your right tempo of writting.. I believe everything will be fine after it.. :)

Writing Style: 2/5

Nothing much can be commented in here.. But 1 thing i wanted to comment about it.. Script form style makes your story more messy in some sense that you tend to overlook little detail in you story..

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

I did enjoy the story a little.. :) Nothing much to said.. I just hope you can improve on your spelling part.. Other then that, everything is quite all right overall.. :)

Bonus marks: 2/5

One mark for the effort I see in you to write the story, and another one for replying to the readers comments..

Total mark: 44

Additional comments:

Practise makes perfect for language wise.. Don't be too upset about your marks.. See it as a form of motivation for you to strike better in the near future.. Good luck in your story then..

Reviewed by Lamer_ @ midnight-tree.co.nr

Confession

Title: Confession

Author: iris_jade13

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/irisJade13/

Reviewed By: Lamer_

Disclamer: The below review is purely just penny of my thought.. No offence to anyone out there..

Title: 9/10

Title looks pretty good. It’s one word, short, sweet and outstanding..

Poster & Background : 9/10

I love the poster totally.. It's really nice and matches well with the theme of the story.. :)

Forewords: 6.5/10

Honestly speaking, your forewords sounds a little cliché to me.. A loves B, then suddenly C came out, breaking them apart.. It's a typical idol drama love story which can be found all over in winglin.. I can see your efforts in coming up with it. However, do take extra attention towards the language segment. No offence, Just a penny of my thought..

Cast Used: 1/5
The only thing I got from the story was that, Arron was a jerk, Hebe was stupid and Rainie was a bitch(sorry for the rude words).. And I feel that Hebe is weird as well. Who in the right mind would stand under the rain JUST to get sick so that the guy would come for her.. I think the girl must be really desperate for love. And it irks me as a feminist.

The characters felt like a paper characters or puppets that was just seriously boring..

Not to mention, I have no idea whether to call your choice of male character a mismatch or creative by making Arron (the usual nice guy)the jerk..

Originality & Creativity: 5/15
I think you are suffering a aftereffect of an overdose of TVB or Taiwanese drama. Nono, not Taiwanese idol drama but those 100 over episodes of over theatrical drama that “aunties” with nothing to do watch in the afternoon to kill time. Overdone as it may, but they keep the aunt attention span.
But even that is better than your story.
They can chase after one show for YEARS..
Unlike yours..

Let me summarises your story.. Hebe and Arron were together, then Rainie, who so HAPPENED to be the Hebe’s best friend was caught in bed with Arron. .Then Arron rejected Hebe.. Hebe goes overseas.. When she was going to get married, Arron came and confessed his undying love for Hebe.

If it ended there, it might be called CLICHÉ. But sadly, you went on…

Rainie knocked Arron down in jealousy.. Arron died..

My reaction was this: Oh, My God.. It is so, Dramatic?? A little too much drama to be added on?? Overdoing it??

Story & Plotting: 4/15
Paragraph 1 of your story reminds me of a story we always wrote in Primary School.. You stare out of the window and you recall something. It’s more over then cliché..

Anyhow, on with the rest of the story.. The word to classify it is OVERLY drama. You tried to incorporate so much ‘climax’ in your storyline. So much so that I feel like in a horribly boring coaster ride and can’t wait to get down any sooner.. And yes, they were all 'climax’ without forming any images in my head because your descriptions were rather vague..
I appreciate the fact that you try to add in surprising elements into the story, but I think you overdid it totally.. Was there really a need to make Arron die and Rainie knock him over? ?

Overall, your fic feels weird ..

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
Fluctuating tenses got on my nerves.

And I wonder if you have been listening to your primary school teacher when he/she taught you grammar because, basic grammar says that after a modal verb is the root form of the word.. Wait?? Are you lost?? Let me illustrate..

You wrote “does not deserves” but it should be “does not DESERVE”

You wrote “will never spent her time” but it should be “will never SPEND”

Get it?

I couldn’t help but wonder at this one, “lady’s high heels shoe”(it's shoes by the way, i guess either you miss it or you completely forgotten about it)..


Flow Of Story: 2/10

Besides the fact that in the second paragraph you said that the incident happened five years ago, you were writing a dateless fairytale.. How long had Arron and Hebe been together?? And Hebe MARRIED?? Won’t they suppose to be in High School?? Are you trying to do a parody of married at 18?? Do you know that if a child marries before 21 she needs parental consent?? Not to mention I cannot understand how a 21th century woman would want to marry before she hit university (unless she got pregnant that is).. Plain illogical..

Writing Style: 2/5
You sentences tend to be super linear and it goes something like, She said this, She did this, She said this…. And it makes reading your story absolutely boring, like reading a 10 year old kid writing her first composition??

Moreover, I don’t see any emotion being poured into the story at all.. You seemed to be more interested in telling the readers 101 things happened than to involve them in the characters’ inner turmoil..

Overall Enjoyment: 2/10
I did not enjoy your fic.. Seriously..

I’m hesitant to read further on starting from the forewords.. The unnecessary 'climax' and 'drama' put me off.. I can see that you are trying hard to make a twist for the story, yet I think, you either, overdo it, or, you really wanted to write something so exciting to attracted the reader(but sadly, it doesn't really work for me)..


Bonus marks: 2/5

One mark for the effort I see in you to write the story, and another one for replying to the reader’s comment..

Total mark: 47.5

Additional comments:

Don't get too upset about you mark.. Serious speaking, your story ain't that bad.. But adding in too much unnecessary 'climax' and 'drama' just put me off.. Maybe you can try harder next time.. I really can see your effort writing, so keep writting.. Practise make prefect.. :) Motivate yourself to do better next time then.. :)

Reviewed by Lamer_ @ midnight-tree.co.nr

A Penny for Your Thoughts

Title: A Penny for Your Thoughts
Author: Lovie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/yunho_hawt/
Reviewed By: Sushi

Title: 5/5

I cannot comment on the creativity and thought put into the title. However, what I can do though is comment on how the plot intertwines with the title. It took me a while to understand and when I did, I was shocked as to how you managed to have us read the title in such an imaginative way. A penny for your thoughts wasn’t merely just a metaphor but you actually read it in a literal way. It’s really unique in the way you have explored the title and made it fantastical.

Poster & Background: 0.5/5

Again, I cannot comment on the poster since it was the challenge’s poster. The background was left blank so not points there. However, the font colour matched with the poster and wasn’t too light to read over the white background.

Foreword: 8/10

Your foreword was short and precise. It gave a nice description of Her personality and a minimal head start to the story. Not only that, you managed to leave the reader hanging on, wanting to know more about the Him. It would have been better if you changed the part where she explained about how nobody looks for her. It doesn’t explain why she was overwhelmed with surprise, thus it looks out of place. Other than that, it was good.

Cast Used: 3/5

I thought it was really, how can I word this? …Cool that you managed to not reveal the character’s name and left it to the reader’s imagination according to the descriptions that you have written. The character’s personality and qualities were constant throughout the whole story. The character that seemed to pop out of nowhere was Vennane. It really took me by surprise, and confused me. Nothing led up to his appearance, it was very sudden. I wasn’t sure of his character though. His title was God of Punishment, right? Shouldn’t he live up to that title by actually be sort of menacing instead of turning a blind eye to his mate?

Originality & Creativity: 13/15

Of course this was creative, it’s a fantasy genre. If it wasn’t creative then you have failed in writing the story! It was quite a twist at the end; I thought it was merely just a romantic story between a mysterious and handsome chap and a girl. The thought of him being an angel never crossed my mind. However, the mushy scenes at the beginning were very typical. It’s hard to be creative in romance when it is so common, but with a little brainstorming it can be done.

Story & Plotting: 9/15

Your story didn’t have much storyline to it. It just seemed as though each chapter was to show the good times the two had and the love they shared. It wasn’t until the very end that the story actually had some depth. How he was brought back to heaven and managed to keep his memories and immortality. I liked the concept of how you used ‘A penny for your thoughts’ in a literal way. He actually gave her a penny in exchange for her memories (thoughts). Quite sad.

Lovely poem by the way

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

I couldn’t find any spelling errors and the vocabulary was quite well done. The only problem was the repetitiveness of some words. Be more creative in that area and use a wide range of words. Barely any grammar errors.

Flow of Story: 6/10

The flow of the story is a bit choppy. When I first read it (to review it that is), I thought it was strange how he was already being so smitten with her. Some of the chapters don’t flow, for example, the death of her grandma was a totally out of the blue. The appearance of Vennane as well. Took me off guard and made me think that I had missed something. At first, the story was progressing at an even tempo but then it fell into bits and pieces as it neared the end. It wasn’t exactly rushed; it just sort of fell apart.

Writing Style: 3/5

One liner paragraphs. Simple and easy to read, but it won’t hurt to add in more descriptions. Paint the picture of the readers to imagine it they way you want them to.

I liked the way you managed to keep the reader’s interest from the simplicity of its format. They way you ended each chapter was quite nice as well. There was a nice short concluding sentence that made me want read on.

The thing that irritated me was how you placed both a question and exclamation mark together [?!]. Don’t be indecisive and just pick one of them to use!

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

I can’t choose whether I enjoyed this story more at the beginning or at the end, but I certainly didn’t enjoy both. The beginning had more flow but the storyline was mushy. The ending had a better storyline but was choppy. The one thing I did appreciate was the simplicity of the writing style, very easy to read.

Bonus marks: 4/5

One point for replying to readers. Another for attempting to play a game with them (which I won XD). And two points for dedicating it to me! (>o<)

Total mark: 66.5/90

Additional comments:

Sorry for the extremely dodgy review! I’ve been doing this a little bit by little bit so there may be times when I contradict myself~ Blame the exams I have to study for!!

Reviewed by Sushi@midnight-tree.co.nr-

A Penny For Your Thoughts

Title: A Penny For Your Thoughts
Author: Shattered Teardrops
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/_bittersweet/
Reviewed By: v


Title: -/10
Since it's a Midnight-Tree challenge and the title is fixed. I shall take this section out of the review.

Poster & Background: 8/10
A very pretty poster. The colours are soothing to my eyes and artistically blended with the cast and the hands of the clock. The background is mostly plain and the little picture at the side is pretty washed out, which is good because it does not distract me from reading the fan fiction.

Forewords: 7/10
An innocent introduction of the characters’ childhood. I like how the short and simple sentences tells so much, and allows one to visualize the characters in the head.

The forewords gave a little introduction to the characters involved in the story.

Cast Used: 3/5
I’m not really familiar with the K-Pop. Hence, I’ll rate this section by the personality and characteristics you’ve injected into the characters (which to me, would be just names – if without a personality).

The story is half developed. And I wished I could drag this review request till you’ve finished the story. But I guess ying and you would have killed me by then. HA!

Originality & Creativity: 10/15
It’s a generally nice story. Deducted marks were for the a-little-bit cliché “meeting childhood best friend again after many years”.

Story & Plotting: 10/15
The story has just started developing, and it’s getting me quite glued to the computer screen (waiting for updates, that is). It’s hard not to wonder if BoA will allow herself and Jae Joong a chance, or go along with the marriage with the almost-the-best-man-on-Earth Yunho that was already planned.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
You’ve got a good command of English, really.
And I’ve yet to find faults with your fan fiction.
But nobody’s perfect! So, it’s hard to really award full marks for Language.

Flow Of Story: 8/10
Perfect. It wasn’t too fast, neither was it that slow.

Writing Style: 4/5
I like your writing style. Simple and direct words without much really hard to understand words. It allows you to carry the information to readers effectively. I like (:

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Yes, till now, I’ve liked the fan fiction.

Bonus marks: 3/5
For replying to readers’ comments without fail.
It’s hard, I know.

Total mark: 70/90
Additional comments:
I had actually finished a couple of days ago, but I procrastinated for a few days. And POOF! Another updated chapter! HA. My apologies, for the delay in the submission of review!
Good luck with the rest of the story and your other fan fictions!

Reviewed by v @midnight-tree.co.nr

Love Grows, Our’s Blossom

Title: Love Grows, Our’s Blossom
Author: Mandy
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Koolzgirlz
Reviewed By: Lovie


Title: 5/10
This title is okay. Wells, I could just picture a typical romance almost immediately when I first see this title. Nothing special and nothing interesting.
Oh anyway, if you realise, there’s grammatical error in your title. It should be “Love Grows, Ours Blossom”. There’s no such word as “our’s”.


Poster & Background: 6.5/10
The poster was quite pretty. However the blend wasn’t really done beautifully. It still looks awkward to me. Wells, I guess I can leave it to you to request for some changes from your designer.

I did like the background very much. However, it’s such a pity your font isn’t the right colour. I had some difficulty reading some parts when the pink font clashes with the pink in your background.


Foreword: 2/10
I have to fail you in this criterion because there isn’t prologue of any sort that. Yes, I just hate to see a prologue missing. This is a real serious problem here, because if you fail to make the readers want to click the next button, that’s it. You will lose your readers. It would definitely be better if you could just include a short prologue, preferably a bombshell to keep your readers in suspense.

Oh, I could see a short character introduction but it didn’t seem to be able to interest me as well. I’m fine with character introduction although I would prefer authors to plan the characterisation of the characters throughout the story. Remember to include a longer character introduction. It’s too short to really interest the readers.

Nevertheless, I gave you two marks for your efforts.


Cast Used: 3/5
Oh quite refreshing. I don’t think I have tried any fanfic on this pairing yet.


Originality & Creativity: 7/15
I have a word to describe the plot of your story - “cliché”.

A typical romance that starts with one bumping into another accidentally, and was attracted to another almost immediately… Then the story went on with them going out together. The climax was nothing special too; just an appearance of a third party and the female cast contracting cancer. If you were to read a summary like this, how far do you think you can sustain your interest in this fanfic? So, now, do you see the problem? The storyline there is cliché, which posed as a high danger that may bore your readers. Therefore, my point is, try to be more creative. No doubt, easier said than done, what I can offer is some suggestions for you to come up with your own ideas.

1) Try to expose yourself to media, example magazines etc. In magazines and newspaper, you’ll be surprised by how ideas will come popping into your head and ignite your inspiration.

2) Be open-minded. Be daring to try what others have not tried before. After all, writing is piece of work that belongs to you, and nobody else. You can write anything you want.

3) Start with simple ideas. You’ll be surprised by the beauty of simplicity.


Story & Plotting: 8.5/15
I shan’t double penalise you for your storyline. As I have said before, remember to be more creative.

As for the organisation of ideas, there’s still room for improvement. You did manage to sustain a little interest in the readers and making them want to read more at the end of the chapters, however more should be done. Remember, winglin is site where fanfics are required to be updated frequently. It is very important for readers to be able to sustain interest in the readers long enough. Therefore, I would highly recommend you to plan a small climax at the end of every chapter to keep the readers in suspense.


Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 6/10
There were careless mistakes here and there throughout the story that you should be careful of. Spellings mistakes and grammer mistakes can be avoided if you make it an effort to check every chapter before posting up them next time.

Another problem is your way of expression. I’m not sure whether you’re facing problems expressing yourself that’s why your story has been written in quite a bizarre and immature manner. For example, you tend to drawl your words to place emphasis on certain situations.

Sample 1 : “Yan was sooooo mad that he had contradicted her, she walked away.”

Sample 2 : “Chris was very, very, mad and also jealous.”

Now you can see how you drawl your words and using the technique of repetition to place emphasis on your point. Of course, it’s not wrong to do that. However, it sounded as though you’re the narrator of this story and you’re reading a story to your audience. That should not be the way. You should leave your readers to find the beauty within words and imagine, not you telling them everything.

Sample 1 and 2 can be improved by adding descriptions to show HOW angry the protagonists were. For example, simple ones would be “burning with rage” and “he was turning purple with anger” etc.

Another problem you had is organisation. You tend to write all dialogues in one single paragraph, which is a big NO-NO. Only one dialogue in one paragraph please.

Sample 3:
The man wasn't surprised,"Oh....." He said slowly,"Well you were gonna get out of line... So I have the right to budge you, don't I? Or are you going to go and get the police to put me in jail for budging?"

It can be reorganised as following.

Sample 4:
The man wasn't surprised,"Oh....."
He said slowly, “Well you were gonna get out of line... So I have the right to budge you, don't I? Or are you going to go and get the police to put me in jail for budging?"

Also, don’t include more than one “and” in your sentence!


Flow of Story: 6/10
The flow of story is inconsistent and irregular, sometimes slow and sometimes too fast. For example, this chapter you’re talking about the separation and the next you’re talking about Yan collapsing. That’s too fast and abrupt. You’re not giving the readers enough time to digest the facts and get them right. Thus, it is important that you learn to control the pace of the story.


Writing Style: 2.5/5
I believe you’re still quite new at writing…? That’s something to consider because it really takes time for authors to develop their own distinctive writing style. Anyway, for the benefit of doubt, I gave you a pass. Gain more experiences and you’ll soon develop your own writing style.


Overall Enjoyment: 3.5/10
I was skimming through most of the chapters, or should I say, I’m practically skipping most of the parts because I could almost prognosticate what will happen next. Too boring, even for a leisure read. I’m definitely not enjoying myself here. However, I have got to admit that there are some parts which I find them to be quite sweet. Keep it up.


Bonus marks: 5/5
I would like to give you 5 bonus marks to encourage you. I can see the efforts you’re putting in, so I don’t want to make the review sound disparaging and hurtful. Continue to work hard and I anticipate more improvements from you. =)

Total mark: 55/100
Additional comments: With regards to the “additional information” you left in the review request form, I decided I should give you a reply. You said, “I want you to review my story as soon possible. Please and thanks.” I’m sorry but I really find the word “want” used here disturbing because you sounded as though you’re bossing me around and I don’t really like the sound of that. I believe you don’t mean it, and perhaps you wrote it unintentionally. All I want to say is please be careful with your words next time. I’m afraid others might be offended and might even reject your request if you sounded impolite regardless of your original intention.

If you have enquiries, please feel free to contact via Midnight Tree.

Good luck and all the best to your story! :)


**Special comments: With regards to some impolite comments in the comment box, personally I strongly disapprove of people hiding behind another pseudonym and disparage others’ fanfics. Mandy has already made it clear, or in fact, she has already proclaimed her story as similar to the drama so you shouldn’t be saying she’s plagarising. That’s all I intended to say.


Reviewed by (Lovie) @midnight-tree.co.nr
-

~*~ The Geeky Princess ~*~

Title: ~*~ The Geeky Princess ~*~
Author: Taelia
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/taelia
Reviewed By: Yuki.

Title: 4/10
The title failed to leave a deep impression on me of any sort. Yes, it might be more for clichéd lovers but I didn’t like the decorations you included because it appeared somewhat immature. However, it was nice to capitalize the beginning of each word because it was portrayed in tidier way.

Poster & Background: 0/10
I’m terribly sorry for the 0 I’m giving you in this section but your story is without a poster or background, an effort wasn’t made to change the font colours to at least beautify the page a little. A poster and background is rather essential for a story because many readers get attracted by them, so please request from a site or even make your own.

Foreword: 2/10
There wasn’t really much in the forewords, no extract, and no prologue. There was only a brief introduction of characters and only the names were given. I understand that people seldom read the forewords but a handful of people do. It is essential to put up the forewords to attract people into reading your story.

Cast Used: 4/5
ChaeYeon seems like your typical average girl, but with a complicated background. I guess that’s one thing different from the other female leads in other stories. I liked it even though she seemed strong, she was quite vulnerable and afraid. (E.g Chapter 2-3) I got confused when there were many male characters in the story popping out, it made me momentarily think that the male lead could be them instead. I liked that sense of mystery though.

PS I like the Super Junior assassin group idea xD.

Originality & Creativity: 8/15
I would say the starting of your story didn’t appeal much because it gave the impression of ‘playboy falls in love with beautiful girl’ thing, but it was quite intriguing reading ChaeYeon’s story, I must say. It was more or less a mixture of clichéd plots so it appealed more and held a sense of mystery.

Story&Plotting: 9/15
Your story was certainly well plotted from the beginning; everything was well explained and planned. It was rather confusing but detailed enough, you did put in much effort in planning everything. The story started well because it remained quite a mystery when the limelight turned to ChaeYeon and left JunSu hanging.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 6/10
There was a fair amount of descriptions for their actions and appearance. The descriptions were quite general most of the time, like just ‘smile’, ‘looked’ and so on. A problem lies with your punctuation; you use too many full stops when it’s supposed to be a comma instead. Also, when there should be a comma, you don’t use any punctuation so the whole sentence becomes one whole mess. It’s a little hard to read, you should really take note of that. Occasionally, there are certain signs of slang. (e.g but what to do) I spotted several typing errors too, perhaps you should take some time to scan through your work before posting up another chapter.

Flow Of Story: 10/10
The story was well-paced, nothing was rushed. The characters were well introduced at the right time.

Writing Style: 2/5
Honestly, I got rather turned off by the paragraphs because one paragraph is very long, it is easy for readers to get lost in the paragraph. (e.g. first chapter) It wasn’t stated clearly between his thoughts, action and the message he sent to his friend. Everything was squeezed into one paragraph, therefore making everything difficult to understand. The dialogues were especially confusing because of the same problem. Other than that, everything is alright.

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
I did enjoy your story, I like how ChaeYeon’s character stood out as a female lead compared to other stories.

Bonus marks: 4/5
I would definitely faint if I had to put in so much detail into a story. I think you did an amazing job in explaining stuff even though it was hard work and I applaud you for that.

Total mark: 56/100

Reviewed By: Yuki.@midnight-tree.co.nr

So Dense!

Title: So Dense!
Author: :) sydney
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sydnee04
Reviewed by: shattered teardrops


Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.



Title: 4/10

~ The title is comical and it already says a lot about the story. Points for that. However, the word ‘dense’ is a bit overused if you ask me. As for whether the title is appealing or not, I think it’s not that appealing and creatively crafted. I think you could have thought of a much better title.



Poster & Background: n/a

~ You said you change the banner/poster from time to time? Okay, I’ll accept that. But I won’t rate on this part of the review. Besides, there’s also no background.



Forewords: 5/10

~ It was straight and bluntly put. It gave away the plot and left little to the reader’s imaginations. It was not also that well-crafted so points off for that. I’d have to give in some points for the straight character list and descriptions. It’s better than nothing, right? Also, I give points for effort.



Cast Used: 4/5

~ I do know the artists you used in your story. I am neither a fan nor a hater so I’m pretty much just neutral. I love how you characterized Kim Eun Rae’s personality. Other than that, the Big Bang Boys’ personality were pretty much the same. They were all helpful to Eun Rae and in one way or the other has seen the real her with the exception of course, of Seung Ri who stands out as the dense one.



Originality & Creativity: 6/15

~ Originality-wise, this isn’t exactly the most original plot. I have read other stories about fans being able to live under the same roof with their idols. It’s a common plot in Winglin standards really. Also, it is a bit unbelievable because Big Bang is an idol group. They don’t spend as much free time as you portray them to have in your fic.

Creativity-wise, you weaved each chapter quite well. Although I think you could do a lot better. Why don’t you put them in a complex situation like for example, Big Bang’s manager found out that Eun Rae is living with the boys which is against the rules. You know, some complicated dilemma that they all help out to solve.



Story and Plotting: 6/10

~ As I’ve said, it’s cliché. Case closed. Story-wise, on the other hand, well, it is no rushed. It is actually well-paced except for the fact that, well, you did not mention Eun Rae ever explaining to all the Big Bang boys what really happened to her. You only narrated that she told Tae Yang about her situation. This makes it safe for me to assume that the other Big Bang boys don’t really know her situation, right? I think you must clarify all these points in your story.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10

~ Spelling-wise, there were minor typographical errors. Grammar-wise, it’s a so-so, nothing special but I you could still improve. Vocabulary-wise, you have a substantially good command of the English language. I think that’ll do but of course, there’s always room for improvement.



Flow of the Story: 6/10

~ It is well-paced but a bit unrealistic. I like how Big Bang boys help Eun Rae hook up with Seung Ri and I do get a feeling that while they’re helping Eun Rae get Seung Ri, each one of them would somehow fall for her. I’ve read a lot of fics so I think your story is a bit predictable.



Writing Style: 2/5

~ First, I am not a fan of one-liner paragraphs. I have been endlessly repeating this line with every story that I review. Now, one again, your story has lots of one-liners. Okay, one-liner paragraphs makes a chapter look empty. It doesn’t compare with the level of writing a decent paragraph, one that is composed of several sentences that support the main sentence and form a similar thought. I think you should consider putting your one-liner paragraphs into a decent paragraph.



Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

~ I enjoyed your story but it was my enjoyment was a bit short-lived. She has been getting close to all the other Big Bang boys but never got a chance to spend some personal time with Seung Ri. Half-way through all your chapters, I think I got bored. The only chapter I did enjoy the most was the one with the water fight going on between them.



Bonus Marks: 3/5

~ You do reply to your readers and you take time to work on creative banners for your story. I think these deserve some points.



Total Mark:

~ 47/90

Reviewed by: shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr

My Last Serenade

Title: My Last Serenade
Author: CoOkies
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/CoOkies/
Reviewed by: shattered teardrops


Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.



Title: 5/10

~ The title sounded classic. Even though it’s overused because it’s a common title, it still sounds so elegant. I gave merits for your classic choice of title but I got points off because the title isn’t exactly original. Also, what is the relevance of your title to your story? I’ve read all the thirty chapters you wrote and I did not find any clue as to why the title became as such. I have to take points off for that.



Poster & Background: 6/10

~ The poster is nice. I liked the quote you placed on it. It’s really meaningful. But I feel that you could have had a better poster, one that could better represent your story in terms of theme.



As for the poster, it doesn’t obstruct my reading and it clearly shows that your story is a romance story, so I gave points for that.



Forewords: 5/10

~ Your character description is short and concise, not really that catchy but it is good enough. It’s better than nothing, right? I will give out points for its clearness though I feel that you could have done a lot better than this.



Cast Used: 3/5

~ I know S.H.E., Wu Chun & Calvin Chen but I am neither a fan nor a hater of them. Characterization-wise, I like how you characterized Ella. I can just imagine her perfectly being clumsy. And at the first few chapters, I liked how you managed to portray Hebe’s little crush on Chun and how Chun was a bit regretful when he became rude to Ella. I just don’t like how they act all so childish. Like in one part where Ella warned Hebe about Chun and she went defensive then Selina explained for Ella and then Hebe ran to Ella and hugged her. That was so childish. They argue and then they hug. If they were mature in the first place, they wouldn’t argue over a small thing. What I didn’t like was the shallowness of the characters. Yes, you did bring out their usual attitudes and behaviors but you did not show how they would react in certain extreme situations.



Originality & Creativity: 5/15

~ Originality-wise, this is original but shallow and unrealistic. I feel that it is lacking. In what sense? Well, for one, you did not clearly describe how they felt and what they thought. Also, I think Calvin fell in love too immediately with Angela. That is very unrealistic. Yes, he may have been enthralled by her beauty but to say that he was already in love with her was… shall I say, too unbelievable?



On the other hand, creativity-wise, I think it’s not that creative. A lot of things in the story can be improved. Well, you could start on improving your story by changing your one-liner paragraphs. I’m not really a fan of one-liner paragraphs because they make a chapter look empty. Dear, you should consider writing a decent paragraph.



Story & Plotting: 5/15

~ This story is a bit shallow because the plot is quite common. I mean, basically, there were no conflicts at all except for the pairings. And what happened to Hebe? You did not even include her reaction when she knew about Chun and Ella. Also, with Chun dying, I think it was a bit off-track and uncalled for. It made the ending disappointing but I think it was not the best ending for your story. The mood for the whole fic was cute, cheerful and complex that it just didn’t click in with the ending. I’d have to take points off for these but I gave out points for effort.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 4/10

~ First of all, I am a spelling/grammar freak. Mistakes in both areas are an eye-sore for me. I’ve been reading and reviewing all sorts of fics so I have developed this strong distaste for major spelling and grammatical errors which, I should mention often occur in the chapters of your fic.



These are some of the mistakes I really took note of apart from the many other mistakes I’ve encountered. Just a piece of advice: proof read. Do proof read your chapters and check for errors before posting your chapters. It’s every author’s responsibility.



MISTAKES:

Chapter One:

“…Yupp, Hope to see you guys there, and rememeber (remember) get home safe, cherish your family, music love (don’t you mean love music?) and stay in school…”

“…Was all the girls could here (hear) as they sped away onto the streets…”



CHAPTER SIX

“Its (It’s) okay.. I’m sure someone (‘is’ should be placed here) appreciative of your work.”

“Hey.. sorry.. but you look reallyyy (I don’t get why you add on extra letters at the end? Is that reallyyy necessary?) familiar. Have we met someone (don’t you mean ‘somewhere’?)? ..Or did we hook up and I’ve never called you back or something???”



Chapter seven

Unfortuantly (Unfortunately)



Chapter twelve

“So Ella who’s your man?? He cutes..(Don’t you mean ‘he’s cute’?)” Hebe smiled



CHAPTER SIXTEEN

He suddenly came to realisation (realization) of what (insert ‘he’ here) has become after the fall.



Chapter nineteen

“ You know what Chun… your (you’re) turning into those old ladies now, like from the markets. Hehe.. you should just quite you day job…” Ella said jokily (jokingly).



For spelling, I’d have take some points off seeing how you have a lot of typos in your chapters. Some typos are forgivable but when they occur in every chapter, I think that makes it necessary for me to point it out to you and take off some points. Also, I don’t really appreciate how you add in extra letters at the end of some words like ‘Reallyyy’ and also the spelling of ‘yeah’ is Y-E-AH and not ‘yerh’.



For Grammar, you have missing words and sometimes a misuse of ‘there’ and ‘their’ and ‘its’ and ‘it’s’. You also do some minor tense-shifting so I’ll take a few points off for that too.



For vocabulary, I think you have a passable command of the English language but I’d have to say that there is still plenty of room for improvement.



Flow of Story: 4/10

~ The story is shallow. No major conflict hence it is not strong and the whole thing was unrealistic. I was waiting for a climax and a major conflict to turn up between the characters but obviously, I was disappointed.



Writing Style: 2/5

~ I am not a fan of one-liners. I prefer a decent paragraph. There is really nothing astounding in your writing style. It’s just like the usual writing style of a majority of authors found in Winglin. I think you can still improve. Why don’t you try putting your one-liners in a decent paragraph?



Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

~ There were some points in your story that I did enjoy but with each chapter I read, my enjoyment was not sustained. It was sort of cute at first but eventually it died down. It’s not really that interesting.



Bonus Marks: 2/5

~ You do reply to your readers, I think this deserve some points.



Total Mark: 43/100

Reviewed by: shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr

Generation X

Title: Generation X
Author: Jeong Eun-hoon
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/generationx/
Reviewed by: shattered tearsdrop


Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.



Title: 4/10

~ Okay, basically, when I read your title, I sort of had the idea that maybe your fic was a sci-fi one because the title certainly sounded like one. You know like Generation Y and whatever generation. But when I read your forewords, it was then that the title became clear. The ‘X’ is actually the Roman numeral for ‘ten’, meaning Generation 10 or tenth generation. Now, the title is actually a bit misleading and I’m sure most of the readers also misunderstood this point. I do hope you could change it to a more creative one. It is also not that appealing and a bit unattractive. I gave out the points for the obvious relation of the title to the story.



Poster & Background: 5/10

~ The poster is nice, yes, but I feel that it is lacking. It doesn’t even show reference or relation to the story, except for Kim Eun Jung’s pictures which obviously showed that she’s a model. Also, I would have preferred if you had bigger pictures of the main artists. As for the background, it allows the poster to stand out and it does not disrupt my reading, so points for that.



Forewords: 4/10

~ First of all, I’m a spelling/grammar freak. I was quite a bit disappointed when I found several typographical errors on your forewords alone. I mean, at least do some proof-reading before posting up a chapter, or for this instance, your forewords. Apart from spelling, your forewords already revealed a lot about your plot which obviously spoils everything. I think you should leave out a bit of the details.

The character profiles were straight and direct to the point. I think you could have done it in a more creative way but it’s just fine as it is. It’s better than nothing, right?



Cast Used: 3/5

~ I know Rain and Kim Eun-jung. I am familiar with them but I am neither a fan nor a hater so I’m pretty much in between. With only two chapters, I can’t really judge if I like their character or not. They seem to instantly hate each other the moment they met. I can only guess that it’s because of the arranged marriage. I haven’t read much conflict and backgrounds on both characters because your story has only two chapters so far, so I can’t rate your effectiveness in characterization. The points were given because I appreciate how you portrayed them instantly hating each other despite the unfamiliarity between them.



Originality & Creativity: 5/15

~ To put it bluntly, your plot is cliché. It’s overused and definitely cliché. I’ve already encountered stories about arranged marriages and I can only guess how many stories there are in Winglin with the same plot. I can’t really say whether your story is creative or not because again, it has only two chapters. And those chapters only described how they met, what they thought of each other and finally, when they were informed that they were going to live with each other. I can’t really judge because these situations are… hmmm… shall I say, basically overused? Points were for effort.



Story & Plotting: 5/15

~ Story-wise, again, I can’t judge because it’s just starting out. I suggest you write up more chapters first and then maybe ask for another review if you’ve written solid chapters with different and more complex conflicts and situations. Plot-wise, it’s cliché. Case closed. Points were for effort.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10

~ As I’ve said, I’m a spelling/grammar freak. You have a serious case of typographical errors. Grammar-wise, I think it’s a so-so. You are consistent in using the past tense in your chapters so I think that deserves points. Vocabulary-wise, you have a passable command of the English language so I don’t have any problem at all.



Flow of the Story: 4/10

~ Cliché is only equal to predictable. I’m guessing that their hatred for each other sprung from the fact that they both did not like being in an arranged marriage. Also, I think they will keep bickering with each other until they unconsciously find out that they’ve actually fallen for each other already. Then, of course, there will be the entrance of a third character, one that will complete a love triangle and brew up some jealousy. Other times, there will two additional characters which will want to break the main couple apart. Did I tell you that your story reminded me of Rain’s Full House series?



Writing Style: 2/5

~ As much as I am not a fan of one-liner paragraphs, I am also not a fan of cramped up paragraphs with no spaces in between. Your chapters seriously need some editing. Some spaces between paragraphs won’t hurt. You know what are the implications of having no spaces between paragraphs? It makes the whole chapter look crowded and cramped. It’s not fun to read it like that. Points were for effort. Another thing, I appreciate it that you wrote your chapter titles in Korean, but in doing so, you did not give chance to the readers who do not read Korean scripts to understand what the chapter titles mean. I also appreciate it that you placed some Korean terms (e.g. Kyiyoum) but I think you could have placed translations either at the top or at the bottom of your chapter in order to make non-Korean readers understand what those terms meant.



Overall Enjoyment: 3/10

~ The length of your story made it difficult for me to judge whether I have enjoyed it or not. But if I were to judge according to what I’ve read so far, I would have to say, I did not. The plot is cliché and overused. The story is predictable. What’s there to enjoy? Points were again, for effort. I’m not that cruel, you know.



Bonus Marks: 4/5

~ You reply to your readers and you listen to their suggestions. These definitely deserve points.



Total Mark: 46/100



Personal Remarks:

~ I know it’s not that high but I feel you could do a lot more of improvements in writing. Don’t lose hope. Strive for improvement.


Reviewed by: shattered teardrops

Escaped: heartless hope

Title: Escaped: Heartless Hope
Author: Zaire
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/EHHope_Z

reviewed by: shatterteardrops

Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.

Title: 7/10
~ The title gave me the feeling of an exodus, a journey where one looses hope or sort of like that. I don’t know why I felt that way though. It gave a melancholic feeling. But I think it’s refreshing too, so unlike the batch of usual weird titles on the Index Page of Winglin. Merits for that.

Poster & Background: 9/10
~ I absolutely adore the poster! I love the soft hue of the rose in contrast to the dark background. I even appreciate the purple water drop which enhanced the rose. And the background does not coerce my reading, I think that should be good enough. XD

Forewords: 7/10
~ You tend to tense shift in your forewords.
“…The purple blood her heart pumps (should be PUMPED) was cold…” >>> You shifted tense here by using ‘pumps’ instead of ‘pumped’ and was soon followed by a past tense ‘was’. That is tense shifting. Also, the other sentences were in present tense and this particular sentence had a past tense in it.
Just a tip, when you’re trying to narrate a story, you might want to use past tenses in your verbs because it’s the most effective way to write a narrative.
Anyway, I love the simplicity in your words. There was a touch of mystery and eloquence which made me want to read more. I gave out merits for that.

Cast Used: 4/5
~ I do know Calvin Chen and Ariel Lin as I have seen them in their respective dramas. I am not a fan nor a hated of them so I don’t favor nor abhor them. They’re an odd pairing and one that’s not usually used in fics. I loved how you dared to pair them up. Also, I loved the characterization. I can perfectly imagine Ariel as a bored royal blood who was raised to have such grace and finesse but who wanted to escape her life more than anything else. And Calvin was being torn between ambitions or to give what his princess’ heart truly desired.

Originality & Creativity: 13/15
~ It was original. Definitely. I had not come across such a complex plot as this one. I must say, this was really well though-of. The struggle between characters was not merely the effect of external reasons but also of internal desires. I think it’s fascinating. It was also creatively crafted. Congratulations. XD

Story & Plotting: 14/15
~ One of the most unique plots I have read. The story is well-crafted and each character has his/her degree of complexity. I do think you ended your story very briefly but I do think that it is part of your plan for your story. It brings out a more dramatic yet disappointing effect. Dramatic because it ended with a wedding between the main characters but it was not a joyful one. Disappointing because Duke C didn’t have enough courage to undermine his family’s ambition and position in order to bring happiness to the one he loved.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
~ You have a very good command of the English language. Apart from the tense shift in the forewords, you’ve written your chapters flawlessly. Your words were superb and I like how you described each scene so vividly. You are a very good author. One that’s of high caliber and rarely found in Winglin.

Flow of the Story: 9/10
~ It is well paced and the characters were well-defined. The timing for each scene is perfect. I love the conflicting sides of the main characters. I loved how you added in the doubt of love from Calvin’s perspective. It was an unseen angle yet you high-lighted it ever so subtlety.

Writing Style: 3/5
~ Eloquent and elegant. I loved your choice of words. I loved the details. But it’s just a waste because your chapters were too short. I think you could do better by lengthening them a bit. And I love the little quotes you put at the end of each chapter. They’re very enlightening. XD

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
~ I did enjoy your story. It was a refreshing read was really apart from the usual crappy stories I always come across. I was kind of disappointed with the ending though.

Bonus Marks: 4/5
~ You do reply to your readers and you accept invitations for reviews. Thank you for picking me to review your story. I’m honored to review the story of such a talented author. Keep up the good work! ^^

Total Mark: 87/100

reviewed by shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr

~Oopps!~

Title: ~Oopps!~
Author: Teriyaki18
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/teriyaki18

Reviewed by: shattered teardrops

Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.

Title: 5/10
~ Unappealing. It did not catch my attention when I first read it. And it’s not exactly meaningful. When I read the forewords, okay, that’s where I suppose the expression ‘Ooopps’ should be appropriate. I gave out points for the relation of the title to the fic. But I do feel that you could have thought of a more creative title for your story.

Poster & Background: 8/10
~ It’s beautiful. I love the degree of warmth of the poster which also matches the background. I love Hyun Joong’s expression but somehow, Anne’s expression was kind of off. I don’t know. It’s just because she’s the one in trouble and she’s even smiling. It’s just my opinion though. But everything’s still gorgeous though.

Forewords: 7/10
~ Simple and classic. The touch of simplicity never fails to gain my approval. Your forewords certainly sparked my interest and it is beautiful just as it is.

Cast Used: 4/5
~ I see you’re a fan of odd pairings. You’ve taken a gamble just by pairing these two up and I think that is worthy of points. After all, not everybody in Winglin dares to write stories about pairings such as this one. It’s good to read stories about not so common pairings once in a while. Characterization-wise, I think you’ve described them quite well.

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
~ Okay, first thing, your plot isn’t exactly original. I’ve read stories about one night stands made out of rebellion to break from their monotonous life or to have some excitement, etc. And this story of yours is no exception. Another thing, I love how you have those annoying little hanging sentences down at the bottom of the chapter so that your readers will have something to look forward to. As an author, that is really creative. But as a reader, it’s annoying. XD

Story & Plotting: 10/15
~ As I’ve said, plot-wise, it’s not original. Case closed. On the other hand, I do think this story is well paced. Not too dragging or anything and you placed the twists at the right places. I loved how you made reference to McDreamy and Grey’s Anatomy. (Yeah, I’m a fan of that show.) And I loved how you referred to Hyun Joong as Candyman.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
~ Since this is the second time that I am reviewing a story of yours, I know that you are very familiar of my much overused line: I am not a fan of one-liners. Case Closed. Spelling-wise, there are very little typos which are forgivable. Grammar-wise, you tend to shift from one tense to another. This is a very common error among writers.

Example:

“…Have you ever thought that something wasn't right the moment you open(ED) your eyes?
It all started when she was awaken(ED) by an angry glare of the sun. And realized her alarm clock didn't buzz off on the preset time so she ended up waking up 30 minutes later than she's supposed to…”

You tend to use past tense in your narration but forgot to use the past tense in some words making the whole sentence grammatically incorrect. Also, please do proof-read our chapters. I highly recommend it before you post a chapter.
Vocabulary-wise, you have a substantially good command of the English language. Your use of words and description makes your chapters seem vivid and picturesque. Points for that.

Another error:
"I'd rather stink than be taken a bath by you!”
It should be: “I’d rather stink than be bathed by you!”

There were other simple errors which I think you overlooked and I do think you really need to edit them because they were eye-sores.

Flow of Story: 8/10
~ The story is well-paced. Each chapter is well crafted and I can see that each twist is rather well-thought. But, again, I’m not a fan of one-liners. You should seriously consider putting up a decent paragraph.

Writing Style: 3/5
~ Yes, I know, I sound like a broken record, heck, even like a dysfunctional pirated CD, but yeah, I am not a fan of one-liners. I do like how you described their thoughts and feelings though. And I loved how you included their inner struggles. You know, the raging hormones and stuff like that.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
~ I did enjoy your fanfic. Congratulations on such a job well done! I loved it. Apart from one-liners and some small errors of course. XD

Bonus Marks: 3/5
~ You’re the only author so far who had the courage to pair up Filipinas with Korean celebrities. I think this deserve points. Btw, I’m a Filipina. XD

Overall Points: 72/100

reviewed by shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr

Bet

Title: Bet
Author: teriyaki18
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/paolo

Reviewed by: shattered teardrops

Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.



Title: 5/10

~ The title isn’t anything refreshing. It doesn’t exactly stand out if I were to look at the list of titles on the Index page of Winglin. It isn’t even anything new and it sounded cliché and unappealing, but I gave out points for the title because of its great relevance to the story.



Poster & Background: 3/10

~ Poster – 3/5 – Before I explain my rating to your poster, I’d have to explain that the poster should at least match the theme and feel of the story in order for it to better represent the story. Other than that, it should also be creatively done in order to entice the reader to the contents of the story. Now, for your particular poster, I’m sorry to say this but I don’t think it’s creatively done at all and it doesn’t seem to match the mood of your story hence the demerits. The points given were for effort.

~Background – n/a

I suggest you get someone to do both the poster and the background for you. There are a lot of graphic sites that would be willing to lend their help.



Forewords: 6/10

~ I like the simplicity of the words you used for the preview on your forewords. And character profiles were straight and direct to the point. I think that was a lot better than nothing at all, but I do feel that you could have done better. May I suggest a better way to write your character profiles?



Here’s my suggestion: (Sample)

“…He was a 29-year old single dad who was struggling to raise his 3-year old son.

She was a 24-year old gullible hairstylist who finally found the man of her dreams.

It was all just a bet. Just for one kiss. Can sparks fly?...”



Now, that was a rather simple example that I based on your story but you could add in more things and descriptions if you like in order to make the whole situation seem vivid.



Cast Used: 4/5

~ I know Min Woo and I do know Angel Locsin too. It was a really odd pairing, if I must say. Not a very common pairing in Winglin but I must also mention that I did find the pairing effective. I like the characterization for each of the main character. Somehow, when I began reading your fic, I began to take a liking for Min Woo. Call me weird, but yeah, I sort of felt that way.



Originality & Creativity: 9/15

~ Not exactly original per se. Fact is, your plot is cliché and when I read your title and forewords, I expected a predictable storyline. But I was wrong. It was refreshing read for an overused plot. I like the subtlety of your chapters. I love the descriptions though I’m not really a fan of one-liner paragraphs. I think you should improve on your paragraphs because in my opinion, one-liners make a chapter look empty. Creativity-wise, I like it. I like the simple use of words and just the right amount of adjectives to put the reader into the mood of each chapter. Another creative point is your choice of pairing. Not exactly common but putting them together is definitely creative.



Story & Plotting: 9/15

~ Plot is cliché. No question about that. But you’ve written your story in such a way that it was not boring. I found it rather refreshing despite of its overused plot. The story itself, is well-paced and each twist was just right where it should be. I still don’t like one-liners though. You should really consider putting decent paragraphs and putting one-liners where they should be. As an author myself, I use one-liners rarely and often times, I use them to highlight a certain point in the story for a more dramatic effect.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

~ You have a generally passable command of the English language apart from little slips in grammar that were forgivable. Your vocabulary is quite better compared to Winglin standards, if you know what I mean. I think you’re a good author.



Flow of the Story: 8/10

~ It is well-paced and nothing was rushed. I loved how you described the little details which maybe little but they definitely express a lot of untold emotions. However, I must repeat once again, that I am not a fan of one-liners. You could actually create a decent paragraph by putting your one-liners in one paragraph.



Writing Style: 4/5

~ Again, I’m not a fan of one-liners. However, I must credit you for your superb description of each chapter though. I love the subtlety and simplicity. I love how you managed to bring out both the feelings and thoughts of each character. I love how you portrayed both the wild and compassionate side of Min Woo. And I love the contrast of personality between the original Angel and the Angel who lost her sister. You described each point very well.



Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

~ I did enjoy it because I was not bothered by annoying grammatical problems. There’s only one thing I did not enjoy: one-liners. I loved reading the thoughts and feelings of the character. I began to love Min Woo and Angel. One thing though, I think you should put on a bit more emphasis on how Derek reacted to Angel and how was Angel as a mother to Lily. That’s just my suggestion though.



Bonus Marks: 2/5

~ You gave your readers credits at the end of your story. However, I think you must be more receptive to your readers. I checked your comment board and I saw that you replied only to one of your readers? I think you should give each reader equal attention.



Total Mark: 67/100

reviewed by: shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr

Mystic Zone

Title: Mystic Zone
Author: Ah Yi
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/AhYi1/
Reviewed By: Lamer_

Title: 9/10

Title looks pretty interesting.. Giving me an mysterious feel about the story.. :)

Poster & Background : 10/10

1 word, Brilliant.. The whole mood giving off from the poster clearly match well with your story theme.. The dark theme really suit well for mysterious love story like yors very much.. Thumbs up to the designer whom made the poster.. :)

Forewords: 7/10

Quite a direct introduction of the characters in the story, Well detail written out..Clearly credit whoever you needed to credit.. I personally love the inspiration part of your, I didn't know history lectures have such a big impact on you to start such a 'history' story(just kidding on this part).. :) I find it weird at 1 part of the foreword, Da Dong is SHUI god, but, SHUI is in chinese, this is a english fic right?? ain't it more appropriate to use an english term/word for it, If i'm not wrong, You mean Water God right?? Ok, this is just a personal thought of mine, because, i believe, there are lots of reader whom don't really understand chinese, so, by using an english term/word for it, i believe they can understand more about your story, because, it's hard to link up SHUI to water(forgive me if you don't means water here, i get the idea of water when i read on farther on of your story) when you don't really understand chinese(No offence here, it's just a penny of my though).. But your little sneak preview of the story introduction and character introduction do keep me wanted to click on next to read on.. Good job.. :)

Cast Used: 4/5

The pairing was great.. I peronsally like Jiro and Selina Pairing a lot.. :) Characterizations wise, i do see some effort you put in for it.. I believe you can do much better in portraying out the character more out with their own unique-ness.. :)

Originality & Creativity: 11/15

I can see you effort trying to made a original story out of the history lesson we learn..(ok, i'm just kidding about this part).. I can see your much creativ-ness in the story until now.. The twist here and there are quite surprising to certain extent.. :) Your idea are quite re-freshing and unique in you own way.. :) I believe adding more creative juice of your's into the story will made it more better.. :) The mysterious theme of your story is quite different from everyother story out in winglin, marks for that.. :)

Story & Plotting: 11/15

I love your storyline and plotting.. I just love how everything is finely and clearly written out.. The ideas in it are all clearly portray out with fine detail of them.. :) The interaction between the characters are well written out.. The story flow well since the start till now, all link up nicely and plotted out well.. :) Plot wise, i was hoping to see more twists here and there to suprise reader and to make the story more interesting.. :) 1 more thing, i feel you can add in more interaction between the character plus more emotional aspect too.. :)

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10

For a beginning writer like you, I find your language ain't that bad.. You use quite a bit of vocab out in your story.. :) great try.. :) Spelling wise, Not too much problem for it.. Just some small and understand-able error.. :) So overall, it's pretty good.. Continue writting, Practise makes perfect.. :)

Flow Of Story: 8/10

I like the flow of your story.. :) Very easy and clear.. Not confusing.. The speed was just right.. :) Everything is just finely match up with each other.. :) Right tempo, flow really well like a peaceful river.. :) Good Job.. :)

Writing Style: 4/5

Good.. :) Everything is nicely space out and clearly written out.. :) Clean and clear,Easy to follow.. :) I'm rather comfortable with it.. :)

Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10

I really enjoy your story a lot.. The mysterious feeling i get from the poster extent my curiously mind and i get what i want(haha, i mean, the mystery feeling i wanted to have i got it from the story too) The interesting and unique plot makes me rather enojoy the story.. :) Good job.. :)

Bonus marks: 3/5

Two mark for the effort I see in you to write the story, and another one for replying to the reader’s comment..

Total mark: 86

Additional comments:

Keep up the great job and continue to write more intersting and good chapters.. :) Practise makes perfect for language wise.. So all the best for you story then.. :)

Reviewed by Lamer_ @ midnight-tree.co.nr