Reviewed by: shattered teardrops
Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.
Title: 5/10
~ The title isn’t anything refreshing. It doesn’t exactly stand out if I were to look at the list of titles on the Index page of Winglin. It isn’t even anything new and it sounded cliché and unappealing, but I gave out points for the title because of its great relevance to the story.
Poster & Background: 3/10
~ Poster – 3/5 – Before I explain my rating to your poster, I’d have to explain that the poster should at least match the theme and feel of the story in order for it to better represent the story. Other than that, it should also be creatively done in order to entice the reader to the contents of the story. Now, for your particular poster, I’m sorry to say this but I don’t think it’s creatively done at all and it doesn’t seem to match the mood of your story hence the demerits. The points given were for effort.
~Background – n/a
I suggest you get someone to do both the poster and the background for you. There are a lot of graphic sites that would be willing to lend their help.
Forewords: 6/10
~ I like the simplicity of the words you used for the preview on your forewords. And character profiles were straight and direct to the point. I think that was a lot better than nothing at all, but I do feel that you could have done better. May I suggest a better way to write your character profiles?
Here’s my suggestion: (Sample)
“…He was a 29-year old single dad who was struggling to raise his 3-year old son.
She was a 24-year old gullible hairstylist who finally found the man of her dreams.
It was all just a bet. Just for one kiss. Can sparks fly?...”
Now, that was a rather simple example that I based on your story but you could add in more things and descriptions if you like in order to make the whole situation seem vivid.
Cast Used: 4/5
~ I know Min Woo and I do know Angel Locsin too. It was a really odd pairing, if I must say. Not a very common pairing in Winglin but I must also mention that I did find the pairing effective. I like the characterization for each of the main character. Somehow, when I began reading your fic, I began to take a liking for Min Woo. Call me weird, but yeah, I sort of felt that way.
Originality & Creativity: 9/15
~ Not exactly original per se. Fact is, your plot is cliché and when I read your title and forewords, I expected a predictable storyline. But I was wrong. It was refreshing read for an overused plot. I like the subtlety of your chapters. I love the descriptions though I’m not really a fan of one-liner paragraphs. I think you should improve on your paragraphs because in my opinion, one-liners make a chapter look empty. Creativity-wise, I like it. I like the simple use of words and just the right amount of adjectives to put the reader into the mood of each chapter. Another creative point is your choice of pairing. Not exactly common but putting them together is definitely creative.
Story & Plotting: 9/15
~ Plot is cliché. No question about that. But you’ve written your story in such a way that it was not boring. I found it rather refreshing despite of its overused plot. The story itself, is well-paced and each twist was just right where it should be. I still don’t like one-liners though. You should really consider putting decent paragraphs and putting one-liners where they should be. As an author myself, I use one-liners rarely and often times, I use them to highlight a certain point in the story for a more dramatic effect.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
~ You have a generally passable command of the English language apart from little slips in grammar that were forgivable. Your vocabulary is quite better compared to Winglin standards, if you know what I mean. I think you’re a good author.
Flow of the Story: 8/10
~ It is well-paced and nothing was rushed. I loved how you described the little details which maybe little but they definitely express a lot of untold emotions. However, I must repeat once again, that I am not a fan of one-liners. You could actually create a decent paragraph by putting your one-liners in one paragraph.
Writing Style: 4/5
~ Again, I’m not a fan of one-liners. However, I must credit you for your superb description of each chapter though. I love the subtlety and simplicity. I love how you managed to bring out both the feelings and thoughts of each character. I love how you portrayed both the wild and compassionate side of Min Woo. And I love the contrast of personality between the original Angel and the Angel who lost her sister. You described each point very well.
Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
~ I did enjoy it because I was not bothered by annoying grammatical problems. There’s only one thing I did not enjoy: one-liners. I loved reading the thoughts and feelings of the character. I began to love Min Woo and Angel. One thing though, I think you should put on a bit more emphasis on how Derek reacted to Angel and how was Angel as a mother to Lily. That’s just my suggestion though.
Bonus Marks: 2/5
~ You gave your readers credits at the end of your story. However, I think you must be more receptive to your readers. I checked your comment board and I saw that you replied only to one of your readers? I think you should give each reader equal attention.
Total Mark: 67/100
reviewed by: shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr
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