Existing, Forever.

Title: Existing, Forever
Author: halky
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/halky6/
Reviewed By: v

Title: 6/10
The title did sound a little alluring. But it doesn't seem to really have a link with the story. At the end of the story, it was written, "The whole happy family ran towards the court and giggled happily. There they are, and would always be, existing, forever." But I do not see how they will be there existing forever. I thought it would fit better if it was changed to, perhaps, the couple's love or the happiness and stuffs like that.

Poster & Background: 8/10
I liked the choice of having a gray background. The dark emotions on the top of the poster and the vibrant colour below. To me, the top represents the struggle Arron and Hebe went through during the time she was sick, and the vibrant colours shows the state of happiness the family were in in the end.

Great job on that!

Foreword: 7/10
I enjoyed the forewords. It explained the reason for their marriage and how their character in the beginning. Arron being the unfriendly cold groom and Hebe the submissive bride, helpless to both the marriage and Arron's unkindness.

Cast Used: 2/5
Many authors have been pairing Arron and Hebe together. It's always the unfriendly Arron paired up with a kind-hearted and vulnerable Hebe. And then Arron becomes friendly and loving. Characters and their personalities are somewhat predictable.

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
Forced marriage, diseased, limited time to live. We have read that all many times, even in television shows or movies. But Hebe on a wheelchair, a marriage in a beautiful gown on a wheelchair - this makes the story a little different.

Story & Plotting: 9/15
I thought it was quite predictable. And the plot on sickness and forced marriage had been widely overused.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Mistakes are inevitable. But still, I think you did great (:


Flow Of Story: 8/10
I felt that it went on pretty fast. A whole lot of the story was not told. Maybe that's your writing style, I am not sure. But I thought, perhaps, if the part on Hebe struggling to live is elaborated, the emotions will be better portrayed.

Writing Style: 4/5
You are quite descriptive, and I like that. It allows one to really imagine everything going on, the way the story was told, in one's mind. At least, it was like that for me.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
I would have really enjoyed it if the story was longer and much elaborated.
But you did great (:

Bonus marks: 2/5
For dedicating the last chapter to them to thank your readers for reading.

Total mark: 69/100

Additional comments:
I’ve finished reading a couple of days ago, but I was rushing through my report assignments (note the 's'). Sorry for the late review. I’ll hope to hear from you again through story reviews. And good luck with your remaining and future fan fictions!

Reviewed by v @midnight-tree.co.nr