Maid in Tokyo

Title: Maid in Tokyo
Author: discoteque
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/discoteque
Reviewed By: Yuki.
 
Title: 6/10
Your title was pretty straightforward; it didn’t hold any suspense or whatsoever. It gave off the impression of the ‘master & maid love’ at first sight so it might only attract readers who like that kind of story. (Well, I like it xD)

Poster & Background: 4/10
I would say that the poster looks rather weird because the background of the poster looks sort of cute and outgoing while the pictures of the characters look kind of solemn. The poster itself wasn’t really well done because it doesn’t suit the mood and it didn’t have much appeal (I’m sorry ><). Also, there isn’t any background provided. You might want to change the font colour codes so that the main page would appeal more to readers to click on one of the links.
 
Foreword: 2/10
The information provided in your forewords was unnecessary. You didn’t need to tell the readers what were the characteristics of your characters and whatnot. It would only somehow give away your story. You should include a prologue to capture the reader’s attention so that they would come back for more. 

Cast Used: 4/5
Well, the first chapter instantly told me that Mio is a strong and persistent girl :]. I liked the way she told Sawada that she didn’t bear any hatred to him and she was going to act professional at her job, it isn’t common to hear this not-bearing-any-hatred thing these days. I adore her character :]. It was rather surprising Sawada that felt bad when Mio quitted her job indirectly because of him, it didn’t seem like how every original male lead would act :].

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
I wouldn’t say this story is exactly original but I did see some careful planning to spice up this story. Although it seemed rather plain initially but it was great to see Mio being strong and clear headed, you don’t get to see that a lot nowadays. It did turn out to be unexpected from the characters. 

Story & Plotting: 10/15
As I’ve mentioned earlier, your story did start off a little plain and unnoticed. However, I could literally imagine the scene where Sawaka & Mio shook hands when they both agreed to be professional about the maid thing. I thought it was a really cut way to start the interactions between them. I got mislead when I read about Yuki’s [hahah, same name] first appearance because it did seem like Mio liked him more than he did [or was I just dense?] I guess I was taken by surprise when Yuki confessed his well-kept feelings for Mio. I was blown away when I read continued the journey to finishing the story because almost everything came out the least I expected them to. 

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
One of your biggest mistake in the story lies in the tenses you use. (E.g Original; She dropped the mop she’s been holding… Correct; She dropped the mop she had been holding.) I could spot quite a handful of mistakes in the first chapter alone, it would chase away readers who are really mind about grammar. I noticed that you used a Japanese word in the midst of the chapters and I would say it would be better if you included explanation for that word, it might not seem much but it’s the little effort you can do to ensure your readers understand. I see a wider range of vocabulary from this story compared to others on winglin, it would be certainly more intense if you could describe the character’s actions a little more. There were some spelling errors, which most of them can be overlooked but maybe you would like to proof read before posting up the chapter. There are too many hyphens appearing where they shouldn’t be. 

Flow Of Story: 9/10
The flow of the story was pretty stable, I didn’t expect them to develop that fast though. Other than that, I guess everything was well planned and it was carried out well.

Writing Style: 4/5
Overall, your writing style was fine. However, you should not mix the character’s thoughts together with their actions so as to avoid confusion. (E.g Uncivilised creature, she thought furiously.) It would be better if you added in inverted commas to avoid the confusion :].

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I knew I already mentioned this but I guess wanted to let you know again; I adore Mio :]. I love her character! I enjoyed how each chapter was started like a brand new page instead of linking everything together. 

Bonus marks: 3/5
The contents page looks sort of messy and it would definitely be quite taxing if any of the readers wanted to locate a particular chapter. I love the adorable ending :].
 
Total mark: 65/100
 
Additional comments: Sorry for taking such a long time to complete your request ><. Mixture of laziness and forgetfulness. Do drop a tag if you’ve any enquiries regarding this review :].

Reviewed by Yuki.@midnight-tree.co.nr-