Title: Mystic Zone
Author: Ah Yi
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/AhYi1/
Reviewed By: Lamer_
Title: 9/10
Title looks pretty interesting.. Giving me an mysterious feel about the story.. :)
Poster & Background : 10/10
1 word, Brilliant.. The whole mood giving off from the poster clearly match well with your story theme.. The dark theme really suit well for mysterious love story like yors very much.. Thumbs up to the designer whom made the poster.. :)
Forewords: 7/10
Quite a direct introduction of the characters in the story, Well detail written out..Clearly credit whoever you needed to credit.. I personally love the inspiration part of your, I didn't know history lectures have such a big impact on you to start such a 'history' story(just kidding on this part).. :) I find it weird at 1 part of the foreword, Da Dong is SHUI god, but, SHUI is in chinese, this is a english fic right?? ain't it more appropriate to use an english term/word for it, If i'm not wrong, You mean Water God right?? Ok, this is just a personal thought of mine, because, i believe, there are lots of reader whom don't really understand chinese, so, by using an english term/word for it, i believe they can understand more about your story, because, it's hard to link up SHUI to water(forgive me if you don't means water here, i get the idea of water when i read on farther on of your story) when you don't really understand chinese(No offence here, it's just a penny of my though).. But your little sneak preview of the story introduction and character introduction do keep me wanted to click on next to read on.. Good job.. :)
Cast Used: 4/5
The pairing was great.. I peronsally like Jiro and Selina Pairing a lot.. :) Characterizations wise, i do see some effort you put in for it.. I believe you can do much better in portraying out the character more out with their own unique-ness.. :)
Originality & Creativity: 11/15
I can see you effort trying to made a original story out of the history lesson we learn..(ok, i'm just kidding about this part).. I can see your much creativ-ness in the story until now.. The twist here and there are quite surprising to certain extent.. :) Your idea are quite re-freshing and unique in you own way.. :) I believe adding more creative juice of your's into the story will made it more better.. :) The mysterious theme of your story is quite different from everyother story out in winglin, marks for that.. :)
Story & Plotting: 11/15
I love your storyline and plotting.. I just love how everything is finely and clearly written out.. The ideas in it are all clearly portray out with fine detail of them.. :) The interaction between the characters are well written out.. The story flow well since the start till now, all link up nicely and plotted out well.. :) Plot wise, i was hoping to see more twists here and there to suprise reader and to make the story more interesting.. :) 1 more thing, i feel you can add in more interaction between the character plus more emotional aspect too.. :)
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
For a beginning writer like you, I find your language ain't that bad.. You use quite a bit of vocab out in your story.. :) great try.. :) Spelling wise, Not too much problem for it.. Just some small and understand-able error.. :) So overall, it's pretty good.. Continue writting, Practise makes perfect.. :)
Flow Of Story: 8/10
I like the flow of your story.. :) Very easy and clear.. Not confusing.. The speed was just right.. :) Everything is just finely match up with each other.. :) Right tempo, flow really well like a peaceful river.. :) Good Job.. :)
Writing Style: 4/5
Good.. :) Everything is nicely space out and clearly written out.. :) Clean and clear,Easy to follow.. :) I'm rather comfortable with it.. :)
Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10
I really enjoy your story a lot.. The mysterious feeling i get from the poster extent my curiously mind and i get what i want(haha, i mean, the mystery feeling i wanted to have i got it from the story too) The interesting and unique plot makes me rather enojoy the story.. :) Good job.. :)
Bonus marks: 3/5
Two mark for the effort I see in you to write the story, and another one for replying to the reader’s comment..
Total mark: 86
Additional comments:
Keep up the great job and continue to write more intersting and good chapters.. :) Practise makes perfect for language wise.. So all the best for you story then.. :)
Reviewed by Lamer_ @ midnight-tree.co.nr
Author: Ah Yi
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/AhYi1/
Reviewed By: Lamer_
Title: 9/10
Title looks pretty interesting.. Giving me an mysterious feel about the story.. :)
Poster & Background : 10/10
1 word, Brilliant.. The whole mood giving off from the poster clearly match well with your story theme.. The dark theme really suit well for mysterious love story like yors very much.. Thumbs up to the designer whom made the poster.. :)
Forewords: 7/10
Quite a direct introduction of the characters in the story, Well detail written out..Clearly credit whoever you needed to credit.. I personally love the inspiration part of your, I didn't know history lectures have such a big impact on you to start such a 'history' story(just kidding on this part).. :) I find it weird at 1 part of the foreword, Da Dong is SHUI god, but, SHUI is in chinese, this is a english fic right?? ain't it more appropriate to use an english term/word for it, If i'm not wrong, You mean Water God right?? Ok, this is just a personal thought of mine, because, i believe, there are lots of reader whom don't really understand chinese, so, by using an english term/word for it, i believe they can understand more about your story, because, it's hard to link up SHUI to water(forgive me if you don't means water here, i get the idea of water when i read on farther on of your story) when you don't really understand chinese(No offence here, it's just a penny of my though).. But your little sneak preview of the story introduction and character introduction do keep me wanted to click on next to read on.. Good job.. :)
Cast Used: 4/5
The pairing was great.. I peronsally like Jiro and Selina Pairing a lot.. :) Characterizations wise, i do see some effort you put in for it.. I believe you can do much better in portraying out the character more out with their own unique-ness.. :)
Originality & Creativity: 11/15
I can see you effort trying to made a original story out of the history lesson we learn..(ok, i'm just kidding about this part).. I can see your much creativ-ness in the story until now.. The twist here and there are quite surprising to certain extent.. :) Your idea are quite re-freshing and unique in you own way.. :) I believe adding more creative juice of your's into the story will made it more better.. :) The mysterious theme of your story is quite different from everyother story out in winglin, marks for that.. :)
Story & Plotting: 11/15
I love your storyline and plotting.. I just love how everything is finely and clearly written out.. The ideas in it are all clearly portray out with fine detail of them.. :) The interaction between the characters are well written out.. The story flow well since the start till now, all link up nicely and plotted out well.. :) Plot wise, i was hoping to see more twists here and there to suprise reader and to make the story more interesting.. :) 1 more thing, i feel you can add in more interaction between the character plus more emotional aspect too.. :)
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
For a beginning writer like you, I find your language ain't that bad.. You use quite a bit of vocab out in your story.. :) great try.. :) Spelling wise, Not too much problem for it.. Just some small and understand-able error.. :) So overall, it's pretty good.. Continue writting, Practise makes perfect.. :)
Flow Of Story: 8/10
I like the flow of your story.. :) Very easy and clear.. Not confusing.. The speed was just right.. :) Everything is just finely match up with each other.. :) Right tempo, flow really well like a peaceful river.. :) Good Job.. :)
Writing Style: 4/5
Good.. :) Everything is nicely space out and clearly written out.. :) Clean and clear,Easy to follow.. :) I'm rather comfortable with it.. :)
Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10
I really enjoy your story a lot.. The mysterious feeling i get from the poster extent my curiously mind and i get what i want(haha, i mean, the mystery feeling i wanted to have i got it from the story too) The interesting and unique plot makes me rather enojoy the story.. :) Good job.. :)
Bonus marks: 3/5
Two mark for the effort I see in you to write the story, and another one for replying to the reader’s comment..
Total mark: 86
Additional comments:
Keep up the great job and continue to write more intersting and good chapters.. :) Practise makes perfect for language wise.. So all the best for you story then.. :)
Reviewed by Lamer_ @ midnight-tree.co.nr
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