Never Again

Title: Never Again
Author: teriyaki18
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/junjin
Reviewed By: Lovie


Title: 5.5/10
This title is okay. Nothing interesting, nothing special. It would not have caught my attention if I’m scrolling down the Winglin webpage. At the sound of it, it immediately speaks of unrequited love, which is a very cliché-like story.

After finishing all the chapters, your story further proved my point. This title was incongruous. Rhianne was determined not to go to any blind dates anymore, so it was “Never Again”. However, your storyline was about this sweet romance. It looked as though you’re deviating from the topic, but actually you gotten your story an inappropriate title.

Try to think of a more catchy title.


Poster & Background: 3/10
This poster is quite poorly done. Of course, I’m not a professional graphic designer. I may not be able to offer you professional critics on this artwork, but what I can offer is some feedbacks, from a reader’s point of view.

Basically, in overall, I think the poster is messy. All the pictures look out of place, for example, the picture on the right. You should use a smaller brush, if not the superfluous parts are not erased completely. Also, the font of the quote is not well-chosen. Orange doesn’t go prettily with black here in this case.

Personally, I would encourage authors to design their posters and background. So, the three marks there are meant to encourage you to continue to design. Try to go for more photoshop tutorials. I’m sure you’ll make a great designer. =]


Foreword: 6/10
The suspension you attempted to create isn’t enough for me to click the “next” button. Again, the first thing that came to my mind is the word ‘cliché’ - a special person will appear to change the protagonist’s perspective of blind dating. Instead of using this summary as the prelude to your story, I think you should try “bombshell” instead. Include the climax in your prologue to interest your readers.

The character introduction you have there isn’t enough either. You’re simply telling me she’s a homicide detective, and she hates blind dating. Maybe you can include a small point of view from her, for example, “Oh my god! Why am I feeling this way? (etc)” This will interest your readers because they would want to find out how she is responding to the other protagonist.


Cast Used: 5/5
I assume that the characters are fictional as I have not heard of them before.
I do like this pairing. =)

I’m impressed by your characterisation. Strong characterisation. What makes your characterisation more special is, you present your characterisation through the different perspectives of the protagonists. Good job. Keep it up.


Originality & Creativity: 10/15
A romance between an officer and a surgeon is definitely refreshing, which makes your story very different from the others. However, after reading your story, I think it was quite disappointing, or should I say, it did not meet my expectations. I expected more because this storyline certainly has the potential. It’s just that you have yet to explore deep enough. Maybe you would want to try exploring deeper into their careers. You did, for Rhianne, but not Junjin. You can do some more brainstorming to be more creative.


Story & Plotting: 13/15
Just like what I have just said, your storyline is quite creative, so you get your points for story.

Likewise, for plotting, I think you have done quite a good job. The small climaxes at the end of each chapter were done prettily. You managed to keep me suspense and make me want to read more. Keep it up.


Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10
You didn’t have a big problem with grammer and spelling, as I hardly spot any. But, there were some careless ones. Just remember to check each chapter before posting them up next time.

You had quite a wide range of vocabulary. It’s just a pity you didn’t use more. Remember to use more descriptive ones. They certainly would be enjoyable.


Flow Of Story: 8/10
In overall, you have done a good job, for all the chapters were flowing smoothly.
There were some parts which interrupted the flow. For example, the part where Rhianne left. You immediately continue the story with their lives after four years. That was too abrupt. I would suggest you start a new chapter on it.

Another example, chapter : Random Thoughts. I’m certainly not enjoying this chapters because the thoughts were indeed random. I can understand you’re trying to do flashbacks in amidst of the climax, where Junjin could possibly die. But, instead of reminiscing, I found it confusing, especially parts where the flashbacks had no links to the climax at all. The problem lies in the wrong choices of scenes.


Writing Style: 4.5/5
You had a unique style of writing, with your chapters written in quite short sentences. Surprisingly, I felt that you had done an excellent job. Your story flows very smoothly, even when the sentences were short and sweet. This proves that simplicity is the best. You allowed the readers to find beauty within the simplicity of the words. Well done.

However, if you want your writing style to be more distinctive, you have to write more and gain experiences.


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Oh I have got to admit I really like this story. I found this story to be really sweet.

I would highly recommend this story to those who go for sweet romance. =)


Bonus marks: 4/5
2 marks for the efforts you have put in.
2 marks for the enjoyment you have given me. =]


Total mark: 75/100


Additional comments: I’m sorry this review came so late. Hope you will like this review! :D

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr
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