A Penny for Your Thoughts

Title: A Penny for Your Thoughts
Author: Lovie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/yunho_hawt/
Reviewed By: Sushi

Title: 5/5

I cannot comment on the creativity and thought put into the title. However, what I can do though is comment on how the plot intertwines with the title. It took me a while to understand and when I did, I was shocked as to how you managed to have us read the title in such an imaginative way. A penny for your thoughts wasn’t merely just a metaphor but you actually read it in a literal way. It’s really unique in the way you have explored the title and made it fantastical.

Poster & Background: 0.5/5

Again, I cannot comment on the poster since it was the challenge’s poster. The background was left blank so not points there. However, the font colour matched with the poster and wasn’t too light to read over the white background.

Foreword: 8/10

Your foreword was short and precise. It gave a nice description of Her personality and a minimal head start to the story. Not only that, you managed to leave the reader hanging on, wanting to know more about the Him. It would have been better if you changed the part where she explained about how nobody looks for her. It doesn’t explain why she was overwhelmed with surprise, thus it looks out of place. Other than that, it was good.

Cast Used: 3/5

I thought it was really, how can I word this? …Cool that you managed to not reveal the character’s name and left it to the reader’s imagination according to the descriptions that you have written. The character’s personality and qualities were constant throughout the whole story. The character that seemed to pop out of nowhere was Vennane. It really took me by surprise, and confused me. Nothing led up to his appearance, it was very sudden. I wasn’t sure of his character though. His title was God of Punishment, right? Shouldn’t he live up to that title by actually be sort of menacing instead of turning a blind eye to his mate?

Originality & Creativity: 13/15

Of course this was creative, it’s a fantasy genre. If it wasn’t creative then you have failed in writing the story! It was quite a twist at the end; I thought it was merely just a romantic story between a mysterious and handsome chap and a girl. The thought of him being an angel never crossed my mind. However, the mushy scenes at the beginning were very typical. It’s hard to be creative in romance when it is so common, but with a little brainstorming it can be done.

Story & Plotting: 9/15

Your story didn’t have much storyline to it. It just seemed as though each chapter was to show the good times the two had and the love they shared. It wasn’t until the very end that the story actually had some depth. How he was brought back to heaven and managed to keep his memories and immortality. I liked the concept of how you used ‘A penny for your thoughts’ in a literal way. He actually gave her a penny in exchange for her memories (thoughts). Quite sad.

Lovely poem by the way

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

I couldn’t find any spelling errors and the vocabulary was quite well done. The only problem was the repetitiveness of some words. Be more creative in that area and use a wide range of words. Barely any grammar errors.

Flow of Story: 6/10

The flow of the story is a bit choppy. When I first read it (to review it that is), I thought it was strange how he was already being so smitten with her. Some of the chapters don’t flow, for example, the death of her grandma was a totally out of the blue. The appearance of Vennane as well. Took me off guard and made me think that I had missed something. At first, the story was progressing at an even tempo but then it fell into bits and pieces as it neared the end. It wasn’t exactly rushed; it just sort of fell apart.

Writing Style: 3/5

One liner paragraphs. Simple and easy to read, but it won’t hurt to add in more descriptions. Paint the picture of the readers to imagine it they way you want them to.

I liked the way you managed to keep the reader’s interest from the simplicity of its format. They way you ended each chapter was quite nice as well. There was a nice short concluding sentence that made me want read on.

The thing that irritated me was how you placed both a question and exclamation mark together [?!]. Don’t be indecisive and just pick one of them to use!

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

I can’t choose whether I enjoyed this story more at the beginning or at the end, but I certainly didn’t enjoy both. The beginning had more flow but the storyline was mushy. The ending had a better storyline but was choppy. The one thing I did appreciate was the simplicity of the writing style, very easy to read.

Bonus marks: 4/5

One point for replying to readers. Another for attempting to play a game with them (which I won XD). And two points for dedicating it to me! (>o<)

Total mark: 66.5/90

Additional comments:

Sorry for the extremely dodgy review! I’ve been doing this a little bit by little bit so there may be times when I contradict myself~ Blame the exams I have to study for!!

Reviewed by Sushi@midnight-tree.co.nr-