So Dense!

Title: So Dense!
Author: :) sydney
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sydnee04
Reviewed by: shattered teardrops


Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, first and foremost, I have to warn the author that I am a very strict and specific reviewer. I tend to point out specific mistakes in the fic which I think can be improved/changed/edited. I do not know that author and neither does the author know me so I don’t favor nor abhor him/her in any way. May the author be assured that I am doing my best to help him/her and not to degrade him/her in any way.



Title: 4/10

~ The title is comical and it already says a lot about the story. Points for that. However, the word ‘dense’ is a bit overused if you ask me. As for whether the title is appealing or not, I think it’s not that appealing and creatively crafted. I think you could have thought of a much better title.



Poster & Background: n/a

~ You said you change the banner/poster from time to time? Okay, I’ll accept that. But I won’t rate on this part of the review. Besides, there’s also no background.



Forewords: 5/10

~ It was straight and bluntly put. It gave away the plot and left little to the reader’s imaginations. It was not also that well-crafted so points off for that. I’d have to give in some points for the straight character list and descriptions. It’s better than nothing, right? Also, I give points for effort.



Cast Used: 4/5

~ I do know the artists you used in your story. I am neither a fan nor a hater so I’m pretty much just neutral. I love how you characterized Kim Eun Rae’s personality. Other than that, the Big Bang Boys’ personality were pretty much the same. They were all helpful to Eun Rae and in one way or the other has seen the real her with the exception of course, of Seung Ri who stands out as the dense one.



Originality & Creativity: 6/15

~ Originality-wise, this isn’t exactly the most original plot. I have read other stories about fans being able to live under the same roof with their idols. It’s a common plot in Winglin standards really. Also, it is a bit unbelievable because Big Bang is an idol group. They don’t spend as much free time as you portray them to have in your fic.

Creativity-wise, you weaved each chapter quite well. Although I think you could do a lot better. Why don’t you put them in a complex situation like for example, Big Bang’s manager found out that Eun Rae is living with the boys which is against the rules. You know, some complicated dilemma that they all help out to solve.



Story and Plotting: 6/10

~ As I’ve said, it’s cliché. Case closed. Story-wise, on the other hand, well, it is no rushed. It is actually well-paced except for the fact that, well, you did not mention Eun Rae ever explaining to all the Big Bang boys what really happened to her. You only narrated that she told Tae Yang about her situation. This makes it safe for me to assume that the other Big Bang boys don’t really know her situation, right? I think you must clarify all these points in your story.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10

~ Spelling-wise, there were minor typographical errors. Grammar-wise, it’s a so-so, nothing special but I you could still improve. Vocabulary-wise, you have a substantially good command of the English language. I think that’ll do but of course, there’s always room for improvement.



Flow of the Story: 6/10

~ It is well-paced but a bit unrealistic. I like how Big Bang boys help Eun Rae hook up with Seung Ri and I do get a feeling that while they’re helping Eun Rae get Seung Ri, each one of them would somehow fall for her. I’ve read a lot of fics so I think your story is a bit predictable.



Writing Style: 2/5

~ First, I am not a fan of one-liner paragraphs. I have been endlessly repeating this line with every story that I review. Now, one again, your story has lots of one-liners. Okay, one-liner paragraphs makes a chapter look empty. It doesn’t compare with the level of writing a decent paragraph, one that is composed of several sentences that support the main sentence and form a similar thought. I think you should consider putting your one-liner paragraphs into a decent paragraph.



Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

~ I enjoyed your story but it was my enjoyment was a bit short-lived. She has been getting close to all the other Big Bang boys but never got a chance to spend some personal time with Seung Ri. Half-way through all your chapters, I think I got bored. The only chapter I did enjoy the most was the one with the water fight going on between them.



Bonus Marks: 3/5

~ You do reply to your readers and you take time to work on creative banners for your story. I think these deserve some points.



Total Mark:

~ 47/90

Reviewed by: shattered teardrops@midnight-tree.co.nr