Unspoken Feeling

Title: Unspoken Feeling

Author: -shratlen-

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/shratlen/

Reviewed By: Lamer_

Disclamer: The review below is clearly just a penny of my thought, So no offence to anyone..

Title: 6/10

Title looks nice.. :) Sound a little sad for me?? But it does attract my attention if I see it at the winglin main page, I'll tempted to click on it..

Poster & Background : 6/10

First look, it's quite nice.. But on closer look, I find the poster a little too overly populated, with the cast picture.. It make the overall feel a little messy.. Do take note about it.. I feel the quote are a little too much(i mean, too wordly), I feel it's best to break them up and place them around a suitable place so it won't look so messy like what it is now(i mean, the words are all located at the same spot which made it look so crowded, making it worse for the whole poster feel.). But, I do like the pinky-ness and sweetness that the poster emit out, which match with the theme.. Background wise, i find the word colour of the story clash a little with it.. Do take note of that also..

Forewords: 4/10

Cast list clearly listed out.. Intro is nice.. Quote are not bad.. :) However, when I read on, I find that it's quite similar to the story out in the winglin site(romance) and sound a little cliché.. Marks down for that.. Overall, not too bad.. :)

Cast Used: 2/5

The pairing was great.. Characterizations wise, I do see some effort you put in for it.. However, they are not clearly well portrayed, more can be done to enhance it.. :)

Originality & Creativity: 4/15

Not too much originality.. Like what I mention, it's somehow or rather quite similar to story out there for romance type like your's.. However, you did try to add on to make it more, intersting(I had to confess, it doesn't work too much for me).. Instead of Triangle love, you add on another guy to make it more complicated.. Good try?? Yet, they sound too plain to me.. I strongly suggest you add in more emotional aspect of the character plus a bit more interaction between the character will do the trick.. :) I also hope you add in more twist and surprises the reader.. :)

Story & Plotting: 5/15

Storyline and plotting is quite common.. Quite predictable, which tends to bore readers out.. So I strongly suggest you to inject more surprise to make the story more interesting.. :) More emotional development of the character would be a plus.. Try to expand the relationship of the character out more and let the reader's imagination run wild.. :)

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10

I had a quite hard time trying to read your story.. Spelling mistakes are flying all over the place.. Tense are wrong at times.. I can see that you have a limited vocabulary, try adding in more to made the story more, nice and better.. :) For spelling wise, I strongly advise you, either you type this out in microsoft word (which will correct every mistake you do) or find a beta reader whom you can trust to correct your mistake(it can be your good friend, or even your cousin or relative who has a better command of the language).. Don't worry, Practise makes perfect.. So continue writting and I believe you can improve.. :)

Flow Of Story: 5/10

I find your story speed quite, unstable.. You move too fast at some part, yet, move too slowly at certain part.. Try to find your right tempo of writting.. I believe everything will be fine after it.. :)

Writing Style: 2/5

Nothing much can be commented in here.. But 1 thing i wanted to comment about it.. Script form style makes your story more messy in some sense that you tend to overlook little detail in you story..

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

I did enjoy the story a little.. :) Nothing much to said.. I just hope you can improve on your spelling part.. Other then that, everything is quite all right overall.. :)

Bonus marks: 2/5

One mark for the effort I see in you to write the story, and another one for replying to the readers comments..

Total mark: 44

Additional comments:

Practise makes perfect for language wise.. Don't be too upset about your marks.. See it as a form of motivation for you to strike better in the near future.. Good luck in your story then..

Reviewed by Lamer_ @ midnight-tree.co.nr