Family Crisis

Title: Family Crisis
Author: August
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/August
Reviewed By: v

Title: 4/10
The title clearly explains what the reader is in for upon clicking on the provided link. "Family Crisis" sounds very predictable, and without excitement. But nevertheless, your title is closely linked to your story.

Poster & Background: 7/10
I do like your poster. It blends very well with your background. I like the colour choice; the kind of blue many will not use. I see it as unique. The two guys at each end were on a street. Both seemed to be wondering aimlessly. I am not sure if it connects with your story. But at least, I like your graphics.

Foreword: 4/10
It does not provide a prologue of the story, neither a summary. It is hard to attract readers without either one of the above mentioned. You gave a list of character involved in your story. However, from the point of view of a reader, he or she will only be interested in the main casts. Since all your characters are from Big Bang, Wonder Girl, or are fictional characters, this sentence: "Other members from Big Bang and Wonder Girls may or may not be included in the story. I might also add a few more fictional characters along the way." is enough. By listing down a series of names, it distracts the reader from your main casts.

Cast Used: 3/5
Being unfamiliar with K-Pop celebrities, I remember the characters' personalities, and thus am able to differentiate them. I think you've done well so far. It's just a little pity because you haven't finished, and I can only rate according to those posted chapters.

Originality & Creativity: 7/15
I am sorry, but I know of a true account similar to your story. And the true account was really far more descriptive (when I was told the story).

Story & Plotting: 10/15
I feel that since you've titled it as "Family Crisis", it was supposed to affect your main female lead (SunYe) a lot, you should have thrown in more descriptions on her emotions. That would have made more impact on the reader (me) as he/she (I) read about how unfair life was for her when she was still at her dad's place (with the mean step-mother and annoying step-brother). I like your descriptions in the story, but I feel that you should also focus on SunYe's emotions as she goes through this family crisis.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Your language is generally okay (:


Flow Of Story: 8/10
I think your story flows pretty well for now. The story didn't lose me halfway through. So well done on that!

Writing Style: 3/5
Because it's merely 5 chapters, it is hard to determine your writing style. But so far I think you are progressing pretty well (:

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10
Like I mentioned earlier, suppose because your story is too similar to a true story I've heard, so it sort of spoiled the story for me.

Bonus marks: 2/5
For replying to your readers individually.

Total mark: 61/100


Additional comments:
Don't worry about the results, this is after all only your FIRST attempt! I'm sure you can do better with practice the next time round! Good luck with the rest of this fan fiction and your future ones!

Reviewed by v @midnight-tree.co.nr