To Love and To Cherish

Title: To Love and To Cherish

Author: JiShin

URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/jishin8

Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6.5/10

The title is sweet. However, it’s such a pity it lacks of an element of surprise, failing to interest me. To be frank, I don’t think it will be able catch my attention while I’m scrolling down the Winglin webpage, except for the fact your story is featuring TVXQ. This is an okay title for your story, but definitely not the best, if you want to interest more readers.

Poster & Background: 7/10

This poster is considered nice, for an author who does not design for her profession. I’m not a professional designer either, but what I can offer is feedbacks from a reader’s point of view. Overall, I do like the texts, the colour, the mood and all; however, I do not like your pictures. The quality of the pictures is low, causing the poster to look blur. It’s such a pity.
I have always encouraged authors to do their posters if they have the Photoshop software. I hope you can continue to keep up the good work.

Foreword: 2/10

You would have scored 0 marks for the fact you did not include a prologue of any sort, but I decided to give you 1 mark, for the fact that you managed to interest me with the mention of your casts.
It would be better if you could include a small introduction. Yes, it is hard because your story consist a collection of one-shots. Another 1 mark goes to the fact that you have an advantage less than other authors, whose stories are one-shots. Preferably, you can do a small prologue on for example, “Love”, and interest readers to read on to find out how TVXQ is going to explore “Love”.

Cast Used: 5/5

I’m definitely anticipating, because I’m a huge fan of TVXQ. =)
Taking into account that you story is one-shot, thus at disadvantage, being unable to give stronger characterisation, I think you have already done an excellent job on the characterisation of the protagonists.

Originality & Creativity: 10/15

No doubt, there are many elements of surprises here and there, especially Narcissus, which I find them intriguing. I’m really glad that you dare to challenge bold ideas.
Good job. Continue to keep it up.

Story & Plotting: 13/15

Taking into account that all the one-shots were given a limited space for plot development, thus I concluded that you have really done an excellent job for each and every one-shot. And, I love how you arrange your ideas. All ideas are neatly organised and planned.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10

I’m really impressed by the wide gamut of vocabulary you have used. The way you play with words was impressive too. Keep it up!

However, there are quite a few mistakes in your paragraphing of dialogues.
Okay, let’s get a bit technical with language. You tend to include more than one dialogue into a paragraph, which is a big No-No. Presentations of this ilk is confusing. Furthermore, you will only bore your readers. For example: “SeoEun ah!” YooChun’s delighted gush gashed in and chopped off JaeJoong’s sentence midway as he ran in and chortled blithely at her. “Have you been waiting for long? I’m sorry, we were chatting with some dancers outside! The three of them are still there and I thought I’d sneak back to meet you first!” His attention shifted to JaeJoong briefly and he prodded the older man on the shoulder. “Ya Hyung! Why did you walk off so soon?”

Sample: “SeoEun ah!” YooChun’s delighted gush gashed in and chopped off JaeJoong’s sentence midway as he ran in and chortled blithely at her, “Have you been waiting for long? I’m sorry, we were chatting with some dancers outside! The three of them are still there and I thought I’d sneak back to meet you first!”
His attention shifted to JaeJoong briefly and he prodded the older man on the shoulder. “Ya Hyung! Why did you walk off so soon?”

Another thing is, I would suggest to you to re-paragraph certain paragraphs to achieve an certain impact on your readers successfully, what the technique of repetition used is supposed to achieve. For example, “I’m sorry I could never be there again to tuck you in bed and kiss you goodnight. I’m sorry I could never be the one to taste your pancakes and hash browns again and tell you how marvellous they are. I’m sorry I could never decorate our Christmas tree with you again and waltz away in the carol of the bells. I’m sorry I could never huddle before the fireplace with you again when snow falls; I’m sorry I could never strum your favourite piece on the guitar for you again out in the sun. I’m sorry I could never look into your eyes again and tell you how much I love you, but please know I do, I always do, and always will.”

Sample:
I’m sorry I could never be there again to tuck you in bed and kiss you goodnight.
I’m sorry I could never be the one to taste your pancakes and hash browns again and tell you how marvellous they are.
I’m sorry I could never decorate our Christmas tree with you again and waltz away in the carol of the bells.
I’m sorry I could never huddle before the fireplace with you again when snow falls;
I’m sorry I could never strum your favourite piece on the guitar for you again out in the sun.
I’m sorry I could never look into your eyes again and tell you how much I love you, but please know I do, I always do, and always will.”

Flow Of Story: 9/10

The flow of the story for each one-shot is smooth and well-planned.

Writing Style: 4.5/5

Due to the fact that this fanfiction is a collection of one-shots, I can see that you attempt a different writing style for each one-shot. You did manage to create quite a unique writing style, unmistakably from the way you play with words.

Overall Enjoyment: 9/10

I have really enjoyed this fanfiction very, very much. For most of the one-shots, perplexed feelings that were aroused in me was indescribable. I could not really differentiate between melancholy or pity I felt for the protagonists. Beneath the words, I seemed to have felt a deeper feeling than I should have gained from the superficial meaning. Wonderful story.

Bonus marks: 5/5

2 marks for the efforts put in for each and every awesome one-shot.
1 mark for replying your readers.
2 marks for the immense enjoyment you have given me.

Total mark: 80/100

Additional comments: A

nother wonderful story! Thank you so much for your request. I have found myself another fanfiction to look forward to. =)
P.S. I’m very sorry for having taken such a long time to finish your request. Hope you will like your review. :)

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr