Here in the shadows..

Title: Here in the shadows..

Author: by ILikeGrapes

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Ilikegrapes4/

Reviewed by: bahh

Title: 7/10

Well, first I have to congratulate you for you have successfully portrayed a suspenseful idea of your fanfic from your title. ‘Shadows’ is a pretty word and does hold deep definition itself. It means darkness, and can also reflect shelter; protection.
A slight disappointment brushed across me when I realized your chapters aren’t titled. I personally
prefer to see meaningful but not necessarily fanciful sub-titles along the way which should not give away anything to readers about what will be expectable of from that very chapter. A little suggestion would be love songs for sub-titles or even short phrases. It gives better quality to your overall work and also shows a certain degree of depth from the author.

Poster&Background: 8.5/10

The poster was lovely and nice.. Very much suit the theme of the story..

Foreword: 6/10

I really liked your analysis for your title in the forewords, which is good for you have linked your forewords back to your title, making it relevant and give the audience a better understanding of the meaning of the ‘Shadows’ used here. However, I don’t think it is advisable to START off a foreword with a word from you.

It would be a better choice if only you had started by writing the title of your ff again, and following up with a few statements enhancing the mood or kind of scenes readers can expect or even the kind of thoughts the characters would most likely be having later and during. I would then propose for you to insert the overview or a scene from the story to give your reader a better idea of what is what and who is who.

This is ONLY a guideline I think you should start developing your own style of writing a foreword for a foreword is what readers would READ first before clicking on Chapter one. What comes first needs to be attractive enough to captivate them so as to keep them YOUR readers and I believe, readers will comment only on either what they thought is good or for the other extreme reason. (Get what I’m hinting at?)

Another thing, I thought it would have gained you some marks, if you had included details about your cast. As for, not those bulleting form, but a few purposeful statements or quotes to ‘illustrate’ the kind of personality the character has for your story. I didn’t mean for you to give away too much but I think just a sentence or two would give readers a better image of the characters. For an example, you may wanna try looking at trailers. I’m sure you’ll get what I mean for trailers give a really suspenseful idea of the character without giving away any important things in the story and this would definitely make your readers more curious and wanna click on the ‘NEXT’ button to go to Chapter one.

One good point, I see improvement from your previous ff’s forewords, keep it up and you’ll fare even better. And for this, I’m gonna award marks for your good progress. Keep this up, serious.

Cast Used: 4/5

Although Aaron and Hebe is pretty common, I thought I have no reasons to cut you down on that pairing since they really does make a good pair, in a way if not the others. I thought Hebe suited the role pretty well.

Originality & Creativity: 8/15

Seriously, this Cancer-kind of ff is rather typical and too-common-in-winglin to be close to healthy, especially leukemia. I’m not saying anything but I think this makes you lose some precious marks in this sector for creativity and originality is lacking, obviously. And, I thought distorting lunch money from little kids is rather common in sight as well.

And thus, once you have stated ‘"Hand over your lunch money shrimp..." The tall, mean eight year old demanded as I cowered in a corner.’ Readers already know that Aaron is going to come and appear as a super hero and ‘save’ Hebe from the bullies and thus, it lacks surprises and it would makes your story rather expected and unnecessarily ‘in control’.

I would suggest you to improve via brainstorming for new ideas and try to avoid extremely dramatic scenes or those scenes ‘cropped’/originated from those idol-dramas. Try listening to songs and imagine and then visualize. It will really help you to get your very own original plot and from there, can you modify and thus, enhance your ‘creativity’ for scenes.

Story&Plotting: 10/15

The Storyline is pretty typical, as I said before, but I can see effort in planning it out. Nothing much to say here since I think I’ve already pointed out most of your problems from previously.
However, I’m awarding you marks for I can really see a thoroughly planned work here, displayed before me. Good job, and keep it up.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/10

You have a powerful language with little spelling mistakes and minute typo errors which should be pardonable. However, I find that you don’t really make use of words with deeper meaning. All I see is superficial words with elementary meanings and definition. No Synopsis, no phrasal verbs.

This allows your story to be clean and simple, but also because of the simple words used, you tend to lack feelings and it makes it rather hard to reach the hearts. The plot itself is really tragic but you need more profound words to help aid you in conveying what are inside your mind.
I can see that you have a lot to say, but it was a real pity to not put them into words and let readers understand the scenes in your mind. Next time, try describing the scenes more and you’ll be better.

Flow Of Story: 4/10

As I read on, you tend of switch between the narrators pretty often, somehow. And this would disrupt the readers by cutting them off after they finally settled own on a particular character’s mindset. And I wonder if it is just me, I felt that everything is really on a fast-forward version. It’s like I’m viewing a movie on an x2 speed.

It gives the readers a feeling that it ends even before the reader starts to warm up. And somehow, this would make readers scroll down really fast.

I wasn’t implying that your chapters are short, in fact they are off reasonable length, but I thought you need to strengthen on your description so as to allow your story to flow better. Sometimes, the surroundings are very important. Likewise, when you watch a movie, I’m sure you won’t have the whole 2-3 hours watching the characters just do talking.

There are scenes of the surroundings, the people around them, the little little things that will make the story flow better. (I.E. Dew that fell of the young and fresh leaf of the Hibiscus, ironically resembled the tear that glistered in her eyes). Try to involve the background.

Writing Style: 2/5

I think you seriously lack descriptive words, not meaning adverbs, but phrases. I don’t see you describing anything except the speech and actions. I thought a deeper description which would be able to touch hearts better. Your writing style is very easy to read for there is not much paragraphing but this also means you lack description.

And most of the time, you can impress people and give readers a better idea of the scene by adding descriptions, be it in short paragraphs or even in a few sentences.

I.E:
(She walked, as the rain hit her, sending cold into her bones yet another overwhelming chill gust out from the heart.)

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10

It was a short and typical story but I didn’t have to urge to stop reading, so, I’ll pass you. You’ve written the Story in a rather simple way yet is able of showing the turmoil Hebe was feeling from each time after Aaron gets her to do something for his girlfriend. I like the sweet ending and the idea of an epilogue, which is cute. The sweet life after they realized true love is pretty.
The only thing lacking severely is descriptions, and I believe I have been emphasizing on this enough. Another thing is the font colour, you seriously should consider changing it for it really hurts the eyes. And I need to highlight everything in order to read the dark purple words against the black Backgound. Try changing it to light grey or something, it may help. All the best.

Bonus marks: 3/5

One mark for your credit to your designer and site, and one mark to your thank-you list and another for fast updates.

Total mark: 65.5/100

Additional Comments :
Well, actually, I enjoyed reading this, but you might need to enhance on your description part and maybe the forewords ^^ Try to develop your own style of writing and hereby, I shall wish you the best of luck. You can be really good, I strongly believed so. Try to use more creative plots too and some unexpected turns in the story would be great too. All the best and continue to write.

Wipe Away The Tears

Title: Wipe Away The Tears

Author: Bliss

URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/Bliss

Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6/10

From my first impression, I remember feeling a little melancholic upon seeing this title. I like how it conveys the sad feeling. But, when it comes to how unique this title is, I wouldn’t give a high rating. It isn’t outstanding enough. When your story is trying to outshine the other few hundreds, you will need an eye-catching one. Perhaps, you should try out something more interesting, ok? :)

Poster & Background: 10/10

The poster is nice. The blue theme fits the mood perfectly. I love it. Good job, Vann! xD

Foreword: 5.5/10

I hate to say this, but I still have to. This forewords you have there is simply too short! Only three sentences! They are good, but they are too short to ignite a spark of interest in the readers. Or, should I say, the way you present these three sentences can be improved. You just blabbered on for three sentences, without giving the readers space for thoughts. Perhaps, you may want to try to organize it this way instead.

"I felt a water droplet fall on my cheek.
Was it my teardrop or the raindrop?
Even I could not comprehend."
The spaces in between the lines will reflect the protagonist’s thoughts. =)

Cast Used: 4/5

Due to the fact that this pair is overly-used, I have to take away a point.

But, I have to say, I really love this pair! :D

Originality & Creativity: 8/15

This is one of the major problems you have here. The originality of this story is not really high, when I find this storyline quite typical and boring. Yes, I have to admit that 15 chapters for a story is short, thus you’re unable to squeeze in or develop climaxes. But, still, I think you can add in more climaxes to make the story more interesting. Or, you may also want to choose to develop the climaxes in your story to its fullest.
Personally, I think that the climaxes like Austria’s death and Ben’s stabbing Arron are not fully developed yet. For example, Austria’s death.
"Astria screeched as she fell onto the road. She looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes as a car headed towards her way…
All of a sudden, she was gone.
Gone, forever."
You should have ended at "She looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes as a car headed towards her way…". Here’s a point to take note of. Please do not reveal the outcome of the climax to keep your readers in suspense.
Just as the story is rising to its climax, you cut it short and ended it abruptly. The readers will find this very disappointing. It’s such a pity that all the efforts you have put in to build up the suspense in the story have all gone down the drain.
Perhaps, this is one area you can try to improve on. =]

Story & Plotting: 10/15

As I have mentioned before, the climaxes have not been developed to its fullest, which is quite a pity. It certainly would have been better if you have developed it to its fullest. Here, I shall not double-penalised you. Generally, the plotting of the story is neat and organised. Keep it up. :]

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10

Overall, I hardly spot any mistakes for spelling, grammer or vocabulary. Good job! =D
Also, I would like to comment that I like how you used certain vocabulary in your story throughout. Keep it up! :D

Flow Of Story: 6.5/10

Yes, this is another major problem that I would like to point out. Your story is flowing at an inconsistent flow, either too slow or too fast. This makes the story looks confusing. For example, I was surprised at how fast Hebe and Arron’s relationship is going. When a girl has just suffered a betrayal, personally I think it’s impossible for her go into a relationship so soon again. This is something you will have to take note of – being realistic.
Also, Austria’s illness came as a huge surprise, leaving many questions unanswered when the pace of the events is too fast. Of course, there are many other examples. I’m sure you will be able to identify them. Please remember to take note of them! =)

Writing Style: 3/5

Your style is not obvious and consistent throughout. That’s where your 2 marks went to. But, generally, I’m still comfortable with how you write your story. :]

Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10

There’s something I would like to clarify. In chapter 6: Missing, Arron and Hebe went back to their secondary school on a bicycle. But, chapter 8: Beach, they left in Arron’s car. This is a problem of inconsistency throughout the story. Do take note of it and be careful in future.
Generally, I enjoyed reading this fanfic. Nice one. :D

Bonus marks: 3/5

The three marks goes to the constant efforts in replying your readers.

Total mark: 72.5/100

Additional comments: I hope I’m not too harsh with your fanfic! xD
Do remember to leave a tag when you have picked this up!
Continue writing! I will definitely support you! :DD

Reviewed by (Lovie) @midnight-tree.co.nr
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He said/She said: Radio Romance

Title: He said/She said: Radio Romance

Author: by nina_m

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/nina3_m

Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 8.5/10

Lovely Title.. It attracts my attention when I first see it.. Nice one.. Marks off because i find it, a little long to remember.. MAYBE, I emphasis, MAYBE, you can consider using a more short and nice title for people to remember it more easily.. No offence, just a penny of my thoughts.. :)

Poster & Background = --/10

I won’t mark on this because I believe every story should have a lovely poster.. You can go request it on those poster making site.. :)

Foreword = 8/10

The Foreword enthralled my attention.. That was a rather short yet, deeply catches my interest and curiosity.. I was however, a little turn off by the amount of dots you use in your foreword.. It seem a little distracting for me to read it.. I confess, I'm a dots user too, as you can in my review.. But when it comes to writting story.. I will refrain myself from using too much of them as it may look, distracting.. 1 suggestion for you.. If you really like to write using dots, Try not to.. That's why i took marks off for that..

Another 1 marks off, for the way you write your foreword.. Well, i have no comment over how you write it.. But how you present it, made it a little out of place.. I hope you get what i am trying to tell you.. No offense, please, It's just a penny of my thoughts..

Instead of using writting this..

Ella is a rare personality who is able to blend academic achievements with a down to earth lifestyle. Armed with a Ph.D. and pursuing her career as a professor in academia, she’d quietly carved a balanced life surrounded by good friends and a loving family. Despite living independently from her parents for years and years now, she’s been in contact with them at all critical junctures in her life.

You can try breaking down the sentence and space them apart well..

Like this..

Ella is a rare personality who is able to blend academic achievements with a down to earth lifestyle.

Armed with a Ph.D. and pursuing her career as a professor in academia, she’d quietly carved a balanced life surrounded by good friends and a loving family.

Despite living independently from her parents for years and years now, she’s been in contact with them at all critical junctures in her life.

Doesn't it looks more, smooth and clear?? Instead of cramping the sentence together, try to break them into more organizing part, like how i did to my example.. It will looks less choppy and more, smooth flowing.. :) Really, Like i mention before, No offence, just a penny of my thought..

Cast = 5/5

I totally love your casting.. No bias-ness.. I give full marks for you.. Because i can see the effort you put in to shape with your own characterisation for the story..

I don't totally mark on cast used.. I usually, Also mark on the characterisation of the cast in the story.. So i can see your effort for that.. So that's why i gave you full marks..

Originality & Creativity = 12 /15

It was pretty refreshing and nice to read your story.. Quite creative yet the idea is very original.. :) Good Job.. :) It's not like those usual love story seem on winglin.. Good job for making it so, different from others.. The unique-ness, really made your story stand out a lot from all the other story in winglin..

The radio romance idea is pretty unique and special.. I haven't really read up an similar kind of idea in winglin before, Good Job.. :) But i sugget you, to add in a little twist as some part of the story( i mention my reason at the plot part).. So overall, i love you creative-ness and originality, but as suggested, adding in some un-predict scence, will made the story, more interesting yet more creative.. :) No offence, Just a penny of my thought..

Plot = 11.5/15

I certainly like very much how you come up with a unique and yet lovely plot like this.. However, i have some suggestion for you.. You tend to drag the romance part for Chun and Ella.. I mean, it's good to made the reader to be eager about their romance.. But too draggy in the romance will made the reader a little, bored out.. So i hope you will be less choppy and draggy in the romance part..

However, I strongly suggest you to put up a little twist in the story, To make it more interesting.. As i read on your story, I find certain part of them are quite predictable.. So adding a little twist to made it, more un-predictable(to made the reader eager to find out what will happen next) and interesting.. As mention before in the Originality & Creativity, I love your idea of raio romance part of the plot, It's a pretty cool idea and a lovely plot.. :) Overall, your plot is great.. I love it very much.. No offence again(i say it so many time, sorry for being so, naggy)..

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 8.5/10

Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :) But, as i mention before, i have a huge problem with the dots.. It is a little irrating.. So cut down on the uses of dots.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 8.5/10

The story was smooth.. I like how it goes.. Good job.. The idea was well manage and organize in the story.. :) Good Job.. :) Yet.. Sometimes your sentence can be a little long-winded in the sense that, I can get what you want to say yet it seem a little choppy in someway.. Improve on it and I believe you can produce a much better story this way.. Cuting down on the choppy-ness of the romance part and it will be more smooth.. :)

Writing Style: 3.5/5

I like the way you write your story.. Clean and clear.. Easy to follow.. Good job.. :) Yet, what I mention in the flow of the story.. Cut off those choppy and long sentence.. Breaks long sentence into shorter and more easy to read on(For the example, be refer back to the Foreword part point for detail.. ).. Space out the words and sentence, Cramping them up together will made it look a little, choppy.. :)

No offence again, Just a penny of my thought..

Overall enjoyment = 8.5/10

I certainly enjoy very much about this story.. Yet.. As this story is still un-complete, so I can’t really mark much on this part.. Sent in again your story when it’s complete for a better view on this part.. :) As mention in above points, I do really hope u should cut down on the number of dots, it will made my reading a more pleasure ones.. :) And also, remember to space out the words(I mention ot at the writting style part, please refer to the writting style points for detail)

Bonus Mark: 3/5

For your effort on making it unique and stands out in it’s own way.. :)

Total: 77

Additional Comment: Your story is good and nice.. Continue to work hard on it and I believe a better story can be written out by you.. Just remember to be break-down your choppy sentence and space out the sentence.. :) Any Questions, You can tag at my staff comment page to ask me.. :)

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr

恋爱巴士

Title: 恋爱巴士
Author: 娸娸
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lianaibashi/
Reviewed by: 0088~


Title : 8/10
我非得承认，这个标题非常引人注目。查询下，这个标题其实是日本电视台一部综艺节目的恋爱纪录片。我虽不知作者取这个标题是否与这点有所关联，但，『恋爱巴士』的确听起来非常ＳＷＥＥＴ。会让人的不禁联想起在巴士上或旅途上能发生的种种趣事。
这标题与其的创新，轻易地带出一场美丽的爱情旅途。

可惜，你并没有解释『恋爱巴士』背后的意义。以上都是我自己的读解。＊也有可能错吧？＊且况，目前为此我未能看出故事情节发展与‘恋爱巴士’有何关联。
好在，你还有补救的的机会。或许你能在完结篇完美地呈现标题的美感与意义。


Poster&Background: 9/10
海报完美的搭配轻米色的背景－恰当好处，给人一种阳光、轻松的感觉。海报的美感度也相当高。这完正的衬托出故事要走的路线。深蓝色的字体与米色的背景也很搭。美中不足的就是海报上使用的鬼鬼与王子的照片有点不符－太承重了。
建议下次提供他们适当的造型照给设计师选用。


Foreword: 3/10
老实说，前转太潦草了。基本上，你介绍了卡士。我对这没什么意见。但试问自己，主角们的血型，教育程度等等的内容会重要吗？身为棒棒堂与美眉们的粉丝应该把他们的背历都背得苦瓜烂熟了，而非粉丝的我对他们的资历根本毫无兴趣。我宁愿知道更多关于他们的格性之类的。
而且，前转是让你能借此发挥脚本，让读者期待即将发生的剧情。可是很可惜，你没做到这一点。你前转唯一的吸引力真的就停留在人物中。意思就是只有棒棒堂与美眉的粉丝会理解且对于前转感兴趣而已。我认为你并没有好好发挥标题的所在。


Cast Used: 3/5
基本上，我阅读过几篇棒棒堂与美眉们的小说。实在的，虽不是很了解但却蛮喜欢王子与鬼鬼的搭配。２／２。
至于人物塑造个性方面，我认为你能做的更好。我看得出鬼鬼是对爱情缺乏自信，而王子就会鼓励她。但表达至于并不是很明显。
比如，配角方面，中间突然冒出一个‘小君’和‘ＡＮＤＹ哥’。我实在不知道他们是谁，故事中也没提到他们到底怎样的一个人。配角虽非重点但一个人物介绍也不会耗多少能力与时点吧？记住，因为是小说的关系，所以是作者笔下才能塑造个性，而非艺人本身。
１／３


Originality & Creativity: 5/15
抱歉。真的没办法给予更高的分数。因为我真的看不出任何的创意或惊喜的情节在里头。你可能不解我的说法因为毕竟自己也写上了整１９篇了。这么多篇怎么会没有剧情呢？但基本上，你的故事一开始就说明了王子与鬼鬼就属暧昧阶段了。到了第７篇你还在写与拍摄【黑糖】的情节与大夥儿作弄王子与鬼鬼的关系。简单说明，每篇的进展都太慢了。
总结下目前的剧情，鬼与王子因一个吻而开始瞩目对方，他们告知彼此最要好的朋友，彼此的心意从朋友的口中传到他们的耳里，拍摄期间，关系就越变越暧昧。途中却冒出了个呜咽弹（熬犬），终于他们揭开心结，终于在一起了。
就这个样。太普遍了。全部都在预料范围内了。１分。
其实，唯一印象较深刻的是第九篇，当王子为了不要让鬼鬼被导演骂，宁愿自己说出让鬼鬼心痛的话，好让她能顺着剧情，大哭一场。而后来很温柔地安慰了鬼鬼。２分。
老实说，我比较期待他们再一起后的情节。
２分是给予故事未来无限的发展性。


Story&Plotting: 6/15
没有很精彩但也还好，情节都算合理。重点！不要懒惰！第七篇，当故事发展到王子要哄鬼鬼入睡时，你竟然以“我就不写细节了，还蛮无聊的”的理由轻易放过这能好好发挥故事的机会。
你大概不知最小的细节其实就是最能带出最大的感动。
我期待你写出王子对鬼鬼甜言蜜语的对白，分享着他的喜怒哀乐给鬼鬼听。从而带出来他们之间进展的的暧昧关系。这难不成不也是王子对鬼鬼不经意的告白吗？
我只能说你不懂得衡量情节的重点。前面一大段的台词太无聊没趣了。
该强调的重点你就轻而越过了，不太重要的话你就加入了一堆。你若能拿捏好情节的重点，故事将会发展的更好。


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
错别字真的特别多。几乎每篇都有错别字。尤其是注音方面得格外小心，在短短的第一篇－第一段，就发现许多错别字。我来比喻一下：

『[那我闭眼睛 你不要做规整我哦]－－犯规　（＊做规的意思我查过了，真的不是这样用的）
比上了眼睛－－‘闭上了眼睛’
王子被鬼鬼的举动下到了－－‘吓到了’

其实，我明白打中文字体比一般还困难，但只要注意多一点，写完后好好地检查一遍就好了。而且请擅用标点符号来著名句子的前后。
可能是你的写法让故事缺乏了生动感，顺而影响你想要表达的情感。
你的言语方面不是一个很大的问题，它虽没有很出色，但至少我都能理解大多数你所要表达的故事情节。当然，你若能加强语言能力，表达方面也会顺着更好。


Flow Of Story: 6/10
故事情节的发展还蛮流畅的。虽然情节都能意想得到，但起码不会拖拖拉拉的。
从开始的不确定彼此的心意，到牵手拥抱却未是情侣的关系，都表达得很不错。但也因不懂得衡量情节的重点，所以显得太平坦无奇了。


Writing Style: 1/5
我无法认同你这种剧本对话的写法。且这种写法不能带出你的个人风格还掩盖你的言语能力。如果你能改换成写记叙文的方式会更好。这更加能深刻表达人物中的言行举止与情感。


Overall Enjoyment: 4/10
可能，你会认为因为我没看过【黑糖】或非棒棒堂与美眉们的支持者，所以在审阅方面会有所保留。但，一个真正良好的故事依赖的不是人物。而是笔中表达出的剧情。老掉牙重复Ｎ次的剧情，平坦无奇情节就是你最大的败笔。
前半段真的忧闷无趣尤其是好几篇都是对白的剧情。不过，至少每一篇都能看得出故事的发展。到了第８－９篇，故事开始有点起色。我必须承认到了１７－１８篇，我真的能感受到故事中的一丝丝的甜密。请继续努力

Bonus marks: 3/5
２分－回应读者的留言
１分－潜力还在。


Total mark: 54/100


Additional comments:
基本上，我明白你已尽力写出一些诙谐有趣的台词，但，我建议你，若想博得人一笑，就得大胆地放出，写得越夸张越好！
比如说：[当然很多人喜欢王子啊！十万大军呃]
这词在笔下就听起来格外幽默。至于情感方面，得在言语表达上加强还行。
我能看得出你渐渐在进步中。其实，只要你肯花心思，花多点时间，真的能写出一部甜蜜单纯的恋爱小说出来。加油！

reviewed by: 0088~@midnight-tree.co.nr

Terminal Stage

Title: Terminal Stage
Author: KayKylie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kylieTS/
Reviewed By: v

Title: 7/10
It’s pretty one-of-a-kind title, apart from the cliché ones we often see/read. However, the title gave too much of what the story would be about, thus making some parts of the story rather predictable.

Poster & Background: 6/10
The poster was great, colour combination was fine. But I thought Bosco’s face seemed to look a little out of place, like it appeared from nowhere. But other than that, everything else is fine.

The other reason for the borderline marks granted was because of your background. At least, have a plain black background, and a matching light blue colour words, and I would gladly give you an eight for that little effort.

Foreword: 7/10
Very nice forewords, but it sounded like a review to me more that a prologue. Like the summary of the story usually printed at the back of a novel. But at least there were some kind of introduction written.

Cast Used: 4/5
A popular choice of pairing, be it in fan fictions or Hong Kong drama serials. The personalities you have instilled in them were suitable. I could somewhat picture Myolie and her weak expression, or Bosco in his fatherly-image. Good job on that!

Originality & Creativity: 13/15
Many stories revolve around love between boys and girls, so was yours. But what made ‘Terminal Stage’ different was that it was realistic. And that being married wasn’t about love between the couple alone but their families.

This fan fiction portrays the worries of a single-parent mother about how well her child and her husband would bond. It brings love to a whole new level.

Story & Plotting: 10/15
It’s nice to read and witness (through the images formed in my mind as I read) how Myolie had used her life to love and care for her family. It was tear-jerking at certain points, when Myolie slowly died so peacefully, together with her most beloved ones (except Angel, for she wasn’t fit enough).

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Vocabulary was great; the usage of words and writing was pretty fluent. But I spotted quite a lot of grammar errors as I read the story. One suggestion would be to run your chapters through MS Word, and correct the underlined mistakes. By keeping such mistakes to the minimal would give readers (and reviewers!) a better and much greater enjoyment, while reading (:

Flow Of Story: 8/10
I enjoyed the flow of the story, redundant scenes were briefly written through while the rest were well elaborated.

Writing Style: 3/5
The various descriptions gave me a better idea of how one scene led to another, with a flow. I enjoyed it.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I believed the positive remarks have been said more than just a couple of times in this review. So that really isn’t much of a need to provide an explanation for the allocated marks.

Bonus marks: 4/5
I felt myself frown when Myolie died, and felt a little touched while reading Angel’s speech. To have me feel touched isn’t an easy task, especially when it’s a story.

P/S: I didn’t cry. I just felt touched.

Total mark: 76/100

Additional comments:
Great attempt on a tear-jerking fan fiction, I could roughly tell how many hearts you’ve touched through this story. And yes, it has touched me too.

And good job on the bonus chapter, because after Myolie passed away, you left me wondering how Bosco, Jacky and Angel would live their lives, and to pair Nancy and Jacky up was (I suppose) a little secret wish every reader had.

Reviewed by v @ midnight-tree.co.nr

It All Started At The Police Station

Title: It All Started At The Police Station
Author: purrfection
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/police_station/
Reviewed By: Lone Ranger

Title : 7/10
Well, the title’s apt for the story as Jolin and Jay’s lovestory did begin at the police station. But it’s a tad boring though and lacking the spark.

Poster&Background: 9/10
I liked the poster a lot. It’s definitely pretty and the workmanship is excellent. The only problem I had with the poster is rather the theme. Your fic seems to be more of a comedy/light hearted fic, but the colour scheme and the general feel of the poster didn’t seem so to me.

Foreword: 2/10
Okay, so you are trying to say that your story is not anormal story? Well, it may not be normal but it is not creative at all (refer to creativity section). It had no introduction of characters, no stunning catchline etc. Basically, there is nothing in this forewords besides a vain attempt to be creative.

Cast Used: 2/5
Jolin and Jay with Hebe and Arron are both safe combinations. So choice of cast I don’t have a problem with it. But your characterization is lacking and can be a little troubling. Pardon my personal prejudices, but in one of your earlier chapters, I recalled something on the line of Jay jumping. That did not really fit with my impression of Jay.

Forgive me if I am wrong, but it seems to me that all you did was to fit in your characters into some preconceived idea of your story that is possibly shaped by your exposure to idol dramas and other fics. What I mean is that, you want an arguing couple. You think of the scene, you throw in the character names without caring about the more practical aspects of making acharacter alive to the readers. And it shows. I am simply change the names of the characters in mid story and no one would know the difference. Arron and Jay sound alike. Hebe and Jolin sound alike. They are so 2-D.

Originality & Creativity: 2/15
This is possibly the most fatal part about your story. The only part of your story that was seemingly creative was the fact that Jolin and Jay thought they stole each other’s wallet. But that again seems to be pretty familiar either.

Your fic had all the makings of a typical Winglin fic. You have the normal double J pairings, Hebe and Arron as a sidepairing. Jolin and Jay was the Ella and Chun of the CE fics, Da S and Jerry Yan for MG fics. Hebe and Arron was something on the lines of a side, sweet pairing. Then third parties appear. Relationship gets threatened. Then the problem was resolved and everything was made anew!

And I thought of the plot even before I finished reading the story.

Trust me, I was very tempted to give you a 0 for this section. But I decided it wasn’t too nice. I wanted to give 1, but I decided 2 is nicer because I have always preferred even numbers.

Story&Plotting:6/15
Okay granted. You do have a plot. But it is a) Boring (refer to creativity section) and b) doesn’t make sense. While I can understand Hebe and Arron was a “love at first sight” but exchanging numbers like that seemed atad far stretched for me. Especially when they are at a police station bailingout their friends. I felt Hebe and Arron’s proposal was a little too rash as well.

In general, your story lacks necessary elaborations which make the plot a little underdeveloped. For example, I believe more emotions could be described of Jolin when she saw Jay kissing Patty. It would also be a good way to help in the characterization .

Also, with regards to this particular episode as well, I don’t get how Jolin can forgive Jay who kissed Patty at the snap of the fingers. I mean, she did saw Jay kissing Patty right? And unless I missed something while I was reading, this whole incident was barely clarified. I have the same problem with Ariel. What ever happened to Ariel? She kind of disappeared? Oh. And Peggy. What happened to her as well?

I might a little too traditional but Arron bending hiss knees to ask Hebe to be his girlfriend seems a little exaggerated. I have always associated kneeing with marriage proposal. In face that whole proposal thing sounded exactly like a marriage proposal rather than a confessional session.

On a personal note, I think you could have merged some of your chapters together into one because some of the short chapters seem a little pointless.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary:5/10
I understand you. The only problem is that you have some really funny usage of words. For example, “Her hair was in curls and bunloosely with tendrils like hair falling out” didn’t sound very right to me, Or

Flow Of Story: 5/10
Okay. I had a big problem with this. Flow and plot do come hand in hand with each other and while generally I have no problem with understanding your story, you had logical gaps which I had addressed in the plot section.

Writing Style: 3/5
Not exactly my thing. It had too many dialogues and too little descriptions and reminded me of an improved version of the imfamous “script” format. Maybe more descriptions may help. I did not detect any writer’s style per say either but I appreciated the little humours that you injected into the other wise monotonous story. I also liked the little 3rd person comments like “Sweet huh? Aaron and Hebe, Jay and Jolin are two VERY DIFFERENT types of couple” as they spiced up the story. A word of caution though, these 3rd person viewpoints are only acceptable in light hearted fics, a deep, serious fic with elements like that may serve as a mood spoiler more than a writing style.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/10
Minus the occasional little humours, I did not enjoy your story at all. In fact, I was bored out by your story that I can’t couldn’t finish reading it in one sitting.

Bonus marks: 1/5
For trying. For the little laughters/giggles that you gave me.

Total mark: 44/100

Additional comments:
I am hoping you’re discouraged by my comments. Plot wise Ireally had a big problem with it, but minus it, you language is understandable, perhaps writing more and thinking of more interesting plots (which comes from reading more perhaps) will be a good way to improve yourself as a writer overall.

Reviewed by Lone Ranger (aka Jess_ @midnight-tree.co.nr)

Love and Instinct

Title: Love and Instinct
Author: Rin
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/Rin1
Reviewed By: Sheepoling

Title: 7/10

Basically, when I grade the title, I will look at three aspects. The first being format, second being relevance and lastly, appeal.

This title is very neat and clean which gives your potential readers a no nonsense impression which is good. Also, there isn’t any language mistake in the title itself which is a basic requirement but sometimes not met. I thought you have made clear how your title is relevant to the story and so I will give you full marks for relevance of the title.

However, I think you can work on appeal. A title is very important in attracting readers for it is the first thing potential readers will notice. By using the word ‘Love’, you have already lost part of the attention of these readers. Love in titles is too overused and you are self-penalizing when choosing to present that idea in its most basic form, which is the word. Also, the choosing of words in the title lacks freshness and will not be able to arouse interest very easily. As appeal is a very important aspect of a title, I will penalize three marks from this component.

Poster & Background: 7/10

For posters, I’m really particular about the relevance of it to the story. Of course, I will also consider the aesthetic appeal of the poster and the clarity of the words against the background.

I thought that the poster was able to portray the idea of the unusual and quaint fibers that make up the story. The green-orange color scheme sets the mood right. However, I didn’t really like the pictures featuring the characters. If I am not mistaken, there were too JaeJoong featured in the poster which didn’t make much sense. You might want to add in the other stakeholders in the story like Yamapi. Also, it would be better if the two Maki pictures you have chosen were distinctly different to bring out the two different identities, Miyuki and Maki. I would hence take three marks off this aspect.

As for aesthetic appeal, the poster was beautiful. The color scheme was not very often encountered and the overall layout of the poster is well-balanced. The font color was also easily discernible against the background so overall; it is reader-friendly and appealing.

Foreword: 8/10

The foreword is a very important part of the story as it gives the setting. I do not restrict people with what they decide to include in the foreword as long as it is justified. Generally, I will look at the clarity in expressing your ideas, the usefulness of the forewords and the ability of the forewords to sustain interest in your readers.

You have chosen to give a character background in your foreword which I do not object to. I think it was quite well done as your foreword could communicate the different ideas of the characters pretty well and gives quite an insight to the characters. It was hence very useful in allowing the readers to understand the different behaviors of the character (e.g. Maki-Miyuki DID), which I thought would contribute to the logic of this story. I also liked how you left people hanging with Yamapi but it was not really necessary and pretty random. If you have chosen more strategically, which characters you would not elaborate (for example, you could have done an introduction with Miyuki without elaborating much), it would have been more impactful. However, it has managed to keep your readers sufficiently interested to read on.

Cast Used: 3.5/5

Even though the component is titled ‘Cast Used’, I am also looking out for characterization and it takes up most of the marks over here.

I loved how you had a Korean male lead and a Japanese female lead. Although I am not very clear about the Korean or Japanese based stories, it was quite a bold move to mix the both and I thought it was done quite well as the characters do look quite matching. Full marks for that!

The characterization was also very evident in your foreword but it was not very distinct in your further chapters. I can clearly see the difference between Yunho and most of the other characters as he plays the sensible one in the story but for JaeJoong, Yamapi and Jin, it was not very clear. JaeJoong’s character tend to be a little hard to understand ( I don’t understand why will he go philandering around even if he knew that he couldn’t force Miyuki to be Maki and want to go overseas, isn’t he only doing so to numb his pain for his loss of Maki?). As for Yamapi and Jin, they seem quite close in nature with the jokes and sometimes, Jin resembles Yunho. It will be better if you would make each character unique and develop them by showing more of their thoughts (how they look at things). So I guess I will take off 1.5 here.

Originality & Creativity: 7.5/15

Originality and creativity can be seen from different aspects of the story. I will generally dissect this section into four areas: Start, Progression, Ending and Presentation. However, as there is no ending for this story, I will not mark down in that area.

I thought the starting idea was pretty common. The whole emotionally wounded man starts being a philandering jerk was quite over used. Well, maybe not that specific idea, I was talking more on emotionally injured individuals starting to act in the complete opposite manner. Also, you give the impression that this story is going to be about an amnesia girl (even though you did clarify that it isn’t) and that isn’t going to sustain the interest of your readers.

However, the progression did take me with surprise. The idea of the schizophrenic girl is relatively refreshing as compared to amnesia but still, that idea was not extremely new or innovative as many other stories are featuring this. Hence, you’ll stand to lose out if you base your story solely on this aspect.

When I speak about presentation, I am actually speaking of the selection and order of events you feature in your story. Basically, it means how well you are performing your role as the director of your story. I would say that your presentation is quite moderate and you have been quite selective in what events you will include. It is good for it allows your reader to see your point and remain interested in the story. I also like how you misled your readers to think that it might be a story on Maki suffering from amnesia as it will make the revelation that it was DID instead more impactful. However, you could have been bolder and choose more subtle or less experimented ways of releasing information instead of just giving it so directly (e.g. telling the readers that it is DID). It is always good to play on the readers’ imagination.

Story & Plotting: 10/15

The story and plotting is very crucial in the success of a story and I would focus on the direction of the story, the logic, how meticulous you were with details and finally, the effort I see you put into the story.

The direction of the story is very clear and it is obvious that you’ve been laying the path leading up to the crux of the story (I’m not sure if it is the climax though). There haven’t been any fillers which will totally ruin a story and your readers were clearly able to follow through your thoughts and the whole progression of events. Good job with that.

You have also justified the acts of your various characters and your reasons have been logical. The possibility of this story in the context you set in was a hundred percent and it will be able to make your readers more able to empathize with the various characters in the story. I loved how you have made use of tiny little details like Maki’s history of childhood abuse and the tattoo to open up the window of thought in your readers. I can see your effort in planning the story out and it is generally great.

However, closer to the more recent updates, I felt that you seem to lose some of the clarity in thought. You were trying to show the complications of such a situation but I thought you should have done so in a more systematic way. It was quite weird that you have JaeJoong accepting the fact that he had to call his Maki, Miyuki when Yunho asked Miyuki to give JaeJoong a chance. I thought it would have been more reasonable if you let JaeJoong have slip-ups with the names and show more emotional struggle between his brain and his heart (his heart will be telling him that it is Maki while his brain telling him that it is Miyuki).

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10

Other than the above three aspects, punctuation will also be discussed in this component.
Good job with spelling for I have not managed to spot any spelling errors so far in the story. You might want to work to build up your vocabulary though; it seemed rather limited but at least, you have not misused any words and your level of vocabulary is above average (by Winglin standards).

The grammar started out good but closer to the end, I began to spot more mistakes with tenses and phrasing. I thought you might want to check your work before posting it up to reduce these careless mistakes. Also, I didn’t like how you spammed your story with multiple …… Sometimes, a full stop will be adequate. You might also want to include other forms punctuations to enhance the effect of the story.

Flow of Story: 8/10

For the flow of story, I will be looking out for the pace and your transition of events. I loved the pace of your story; it wasn’t too rushed and also wasn’t too draggy, allowing your readers ample time to think through. Good job for that. The transitions of your events were also generally good except in the more recent chapters. That is where I could see that you were slightly unclear about your direction. However, even though it was a bit bumpy and abrupt at the latest chapters, the transition was on the whole, quite fluid and enjoyable.

Writing Style: 4/5

I usually put my attention on your writing type, professionalism and my preference in this component.

It was good that you have chosen a narrative format. The dialogues were appropriate and you have given a fair amount of descriptions in the story. However, I wasn’t very pleased that you have brackets in the middle of the story as author notes. It is distracting and my ruin the reading experience at times. It will be much appreciated if you leave all your author notes to the end of the story and denote any areas of doubt with asterisks so it will facilitate your readers in getting back at these areas.

For this sort of story, I would prefer to see a narrative format (which you have done so) and it was quite pleasing to see how you were quite to the point. It gives a good feeling to your readers as you were quite balanced with descriptions and dialogue.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/10

It was quite an engaging piece of work and you’ve worked to sustain the interest of your readers by injecting humor in the actions of the story that will alleviate the seriousness and complicated nature of the focus of your story (the DID and its impacts). Personally, though, I felt that this story was quite on the surface and you have not make use of hidden meanings, irony or puns which have made the story more full and enjoyable. It does, though not very effectively, keep me interested enough to finish the story as it was quite a clean and easily absorbed story. This story, sadly, fails to leave a deep impression on me and I do not think it stands out from many of the more special plotlines and could hardly evoke much emotion in your readers. It felt more like a table outlining the different complications and the cause. Using a term in geography, it is like a Hilda taba table.

Not particularly effective in satisfying my requirements for a hearty read but at least it was not a painful experience as you have been good with your language and expressions. Try working on bringing in the emotions of your readers. The highest level will be to let your readers feel as though they were the characters (that’s how people cry when they read stories).

Bonus marks: 2.5/5

I commend you for interacting with your readers with your author’s notes and replying to their comments. I also liked how you sometimes showed the happenings of the previous chapter at the top of the next chapter as it will allow your reader to refresh their memory.

However, you might want to be more consistent with your format and also, if you want to show what happened previously, do it for all the chapters and not only for some. I like to see a more regular format and not one that changes from chapter to chapter.

Total mark: 67/100

Additional comments:

This story achieved the basic requirement of a story but it fails to pull in emotions and lacks the x-factor. You can work more on trying to spice up your story and it will help in making your work better. Keep it up! If you have any doubts about the review, feel free to drop a note at my staff page.

Reviewed by Sheepoling @midnight-tree.co.nr-

Lies Hurt More Than Truth

Title: [Lies Hurt More Than Truth]

Author: Lovie

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/lovie9/

Reviewed By: v

Title: 6/10
The title is quite interesting. But such titles are common, and not exactly outstanding enough, hence the given marks.

Poster & Background: 8/10
I like the poster and background; dark colours and a little reddish, it prepared me for the emotional story that I was about to read. However, I found it to be less emotional than what the graphics had depicted.

Foreword: 8/10
Nice forewords, I must say. The sad and questioning tone depicted in the forewords was enough to draw my interest to the story.

Cast Used: 4/5
I believe, it has been mentioned that Arron-Hebe pairing had been very much overused in Winglin. But nevertheless, the point of views of Hebe gave her a new personality. So I would say, good job on that.

And yes, I think there’s a typo error in Chapter Two. It was supposed to be Ariel, not Rainie, wasn’t it?

Originality & Creativity: 9/15
An unrequited love story, is not only commonly used in Winglin stories but even in movies and drama serials. So I guess the only way to write it well, is to write it differently from the usual manner, like, more than just love.

Story & Plotting: 10/15
I know it’s a one-shot story, and hence there’s a limit to how much you could write. But I was hoping that there would be several twists and turns along the way to keep the readers’ interest alive.

Maybe, include how everyone saw Hebe as Arron’s cousin – nothing more, that only Hebe alone saw her love for Arron growing. That would have been more emotional. With a poster and background like that, I’m sure your review scores will soar.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
As usual, not much mistakes – except for the one I’ve pointed out earlier.

Flow Of Story: 7/10
It flows, but at times, too fast. One moment they were good friends, and the other, they were avoiding each other. And the next, Hebe was dying.

I guess I could have dismissed the loopholes (like, Hebe’s heart disease which was not mentioned and the sudden change in scenes) if it was more emotional.

Writing Style: 3/5
I do like the narrative writing style. And I think it could have been better if more descriptions were made.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
I quite enjoy it, though there were quite a few unexplained parts which resulted because the story was written in a one person’s (in this case, Hebe) point of view. A few points were deducted because I felt that a story shouldn’t end with Hebe dying, since she was the one telling the story. But overall a great fan fiction (:

Bonus marks: 3/5
Although the language used in the story to describe Hebe’s perspective of things was simple, it however made a great impact – at least, on me.

Total mark: 75/100

Additional comments:
Quite a successful attempt on a sad romance, but I feel that it could have been better. Sad romance stories are all cliché and common, and I was expecting something a little different. But nevertheless, a great fan fiction.

p/s: Sorry it took so long for this review, I didn’t receive the mail.

Reviewed by v @ midnight-tree.co.nr

Go on... And I will meet you half-way there.

Title: Go on... And I will meet you half-way there.
Author: Keleos
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/keleos2
Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 9/10

Upon first impression, I was wondering why would it be half-way. =P It didn’t really manage to catch my eye because it looks plain.

After I have read the story, I understood. Sweet title, really sweet. It touches my heart.

Poster & Background: 9.5/10

This poster really suits this fanfic. It gives me a sweet feeling. However, it seems to lack of a little melancholic feeling. Just a little, it would have been perfect. :)

Foreword: 7.5/10

I was expecting some… climax…? Personally(yes, only me. I’m a weirdo. Pardon me.), I would prefer a bombshell in the forewords. It will catch my attention straight away. Though there is no bombshell here, but I still like it. Short and sweet. Nice forewords. Especially the last sentence, “Thank God. Because I found you.” It was sweet. Perhaps, you could add a little prologue to add in some suspense here. =)

Cast Used: 4.5/5

I really like this pair! Lee hom and Hebe! Cute pair! =)

Originality & Creativity: 10/15

This is quite a typical storyline. An superstar falling in love with fangirl. 8 marks for that. The other 2 marks goes to some unexpected that surprises me. I did not, and will never expect Lee Hom marry Hebe in a wheelchair. That was really sweet. :D

Story & Plotting: 12/15

Sweet. =)

I like how you organize and plot your ideas using the interchange of scenes.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10

I did not spot any grammer mistakes. For spelling mistake, there are quite a few that can be over-looked. In overall, it was good job done. Keep it up, girl! =D

Flow Of Story: 7/10

I have no choice but to take away some points from this criterion because I felt a little uncomfortable how you write “two days later” etc. I felt that something was missing and I couldn’t really state what it is. The blanks in between just made me felt uneasy. I thought it would be better if you could include the setting of the story in the story. For example, “It has been two days…”

Writing Style: 4/5

You have a nice style of writing. However, it is not outstanding enough.

Nevertheless, I was impressed by how you managed to evoke emotions in the readers without the use of super profound words, but simple words. Also, at the end of each scene, I like how you end it shortly. For example, “Hey.” They have succeeded in keeping me in suspense. =]

Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10

This is nice; however it is not outstanding enough. It just… lacks of some climaxes. I thought it would be better if you could describe some little climaxes, for example the scene when they are married. :)

Like what I have mentioned earlier, I felt a little uncomfortable about the flow of the story.

In addition, there are some parts which I thought them to be too long. Some paragraphs are so long that I felt lost in them. Perhaps, you can write shorter paragraphs, preferably 2-3 sentences. :]

Other than that, I have to say that I really enjoyed your fanfic. Simple, yet sweet. I could not forget how it manages to give me a slight melancholic without overdosing. Good job! :D

Bonus marks: 3/5

I could help but say again, sweet fanfic. Somehow, it managed to fascinate me with that sweet feeling hidden in the melancholic feeling. *winks* =D

Total mark: 82/100

Additional comments: Hellos, girl! It was really nice of you to request from me. I felt kinda honoured. (But, you trying to spam me! XD) Hahas, joking. Yeah, so I hope you will like the review since this is the first time I’m reviewing for such a professional writer. XD Hope to see you around again! Love your fanfics! :D

Note from Review Mistress: Visit the reviewer's personal page if you want to ask anything about the review.

Reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr

Disjointed Souls

Title: Disjointed Souls
Author: xuewen
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/xuewen3/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 7/10
Good work on the title, although… I guess things work this way. You see an author, check up on her previous works, and make a relative comparison of things, then grade based on that. I do exactly that for all my reviews (which is why I take sooooo long), and somehow, “Disjointed Souls” doesn’t strike me as particularly intelligent as compared to the rest. And you’ve a couple of marks off for the fact that this screams “dark fic”. I don’t exactly get what it is about dark fics that causes something to explode in my brain, but I know that when I saw your title, that something exploded.

Nevertheless, a good effort (although you’ll be seeing more of the consequences of that explosion as this review continues).

Poster and Background: 9/10
I like your poster, and I like the emotional quality this one captures. Rarely do you see posters that actually match the quality and theme of the writing; sometimes the posters fail the writing, but more often than not… The writing fails the poster. But yours manages to complement each other nicely. The poster provides an entry for the fic to come in, and sets the mood for the story. The story, on the other hand, provides a support for the poster that doesn’t collapse as it goes along. Only flaw of this being the lack of the slightly (inferred) violent nature of the fic. Chun looks simply too nice in the poster for this one.

And contrary to what Jess has to complain about your background, I prefer it without. Backgrounds are clumsy, and yours is better off without one. :) Oh yes, colour scheme is something of a genius as well.

Foreword: 8/10
I must say that this is slightly misleading, because I would have judged based on the Forewords itself and given you a 0. As for the proper foreword written in the first chapter itself, very good. It runs well, it elicits questions from the reader, and it makes everyone slightly confused, but not confused enough to stop reading. Good job.

Only problem is, as with all forewords, introduce your cast.

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 5/5
Feels good to be able to give full marks again! I like your cast, but that aside, I LOVE your characterisation. I like the way you actually chapters and chapters writing about what’s inside the character’s rather than what’s happening outside them, and I love to death Chapter 6, which chronicles Chun’s internal struggle. Such wonderful characterisation and such strong personalities are already rare in fics, and add to that the fact that each and every one of them is unique, AND believable.

Heck, I’d give you 6 if I could.

Story and Plotting: 10/15
Good news first. You obviously had a story in your head before you began writing this, and you obviously did it justice when you put your pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). The planning shows up very obviously, and it serves you well in the later chapters of the plot. The story idea is a refreshing change from the so many love stories out there, and the way you write it is just… One of a kind.

But this story posed a real dilemma for me. I wasn’t quite sure how to grade this, because firstly, you had short chapter lengths that managed to hold my attention chapter after chapter, and increase the “gripping” factor of the fic (since it’s short, and short means clean and riveting). But your long passages that revolved around one subject by the time we hit the middle chapters began to fail you a little. Short chapters, yes, but multiple short chapters on one topic, in this case Ella’s internal unhappiness, amounts to one long chapter, which brings us all back to square one. I realise what you were trying to do, and yes, those chapters did contribute to the character development, but I thought they were just overly draggy, and if not for the language, I’d have skipped them all.

Not to mention the fact that I have a personal dislike for dark fics, and this one is a prime example of a dark fic. Tried not to let personal preferences get in the way, but because I don’t prefer them, I can’t connect well with your story, and I just don’t feel it.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9.5/10
Sterling language! Just a half mark off for a tiny grammar mistake here and there; I spotted one in Chapter 6, where there was a confusion of tenses. But nevertheless, the language was the best part of the whole fic.

Flow of Story: 7.5/10
I’ve mentioned earlier already, that it was an issue because you had passages and passages of emotional stuff coming up, sometimes with the plot moving slowly, and sometimes allowing the plot to zoom past. Character development and plot becomes a seesaw balance that’s really difficult to find. I think you’re almost there, just watch how it might affect the flow of the story sometimes.

Writing Style: 5/5
Great work! I like how you deliver the one-liners so well, because they add to the whole tension that the fic is supposed to bring about. Your style for the fic is clean, gripping and it removes the narrative from a narrative (if you know what I mean), as well as the fact that you managed to inject a bit of dry, cynical humour into the whole thing. Really, what a great style.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 10/15
This story idea is fresh, interesting and creative. Yes, granted, I’ve seen such fics around somewhere, but I don’t think anyone has presented it in such a manner as you have. Dark fics keep appearing, but no one really works it as well as you do. Nevertheless, I was hoping for a bit more edge from Chun’s character, which would have done well juxtaposed against the angst of Ella. And not to mention I need that little bit more of plot, which of course, I can’t really judge now because it’s incomplete (and standing incomplete since forever. =.=)

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
This is the first fic of such a nature that I can actually said to have enjoyed. OK, I skipped some bits, but overall, it was such an enjoyable read. The short chapters really served you well, because I have such a short attention span that it’s unbelievable, and the short chapters allowed me to whiz through them then instantly find out what was going to happen next.

Enjoyment was marred by the fact that well, I didn’t love the concept of the fic to start with, and secondly, simply because it wasn’t complete, which meant that I’m left pathetically hanging here. Haha.

Bonus marks: 2/5
One mark for X-factor, and one for… kind of replying to your readers.

Total mark: 81/100

Additional Comments: Well done, good job! In comparison to another of your fic (haha), I’d say I don’t really like this one much, but I’m hoping you’d actually continue with it and don’t leave anyone hanging. Much as it is a little strange for me, I’d love to see the resolution in the end.

Anyway, good luck, and see you around. :)

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

From, Anonymous

Title: From, Anonymous
Author: sn0wiie
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sn0wiie_anony/
Reviewed By: Keleos

NOTE: This is a challenge fic, there’re sections I can’t and won’t review.

First Impressions
Title: -/10
Just as a comment, this title is brilliant. Really brilliant. Kudos to whoever created the challenge. :)

Poster and Background: -/10

Foreword: 3/10
English is fine. But your forewords only spell one word to me:

Blah.

Forewords are supposed to impact, and yours didn’t. In fact, I began to suspect what you were actually setting out to do. I don’t know what you were thinking when you were writing that foreword, but I’m sure I don’t really want to know.

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 2/5
Hebe and Danson, no issues. As usual, I won’t have issues on who you cast, but more on… How you cast them. I saw no characterisation in the story at all, only copy and paste personalities from the millions and millions of dramas out there. PLEASE. If you thought you could get away with that, think again. Try this for an experiment: Read your fic again, and try to imagine Hebe and Danson as your friends.

Can you? No? Let me tell you why. It’s simply because they’re so simple, so one-track, so one-dimensional that they don’t even SEEM human. Think about it, and seriously try to write with a bit more sincerity.

Story and Plotting: 2/15
I really don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but this isn’t funny anymore. I realise that I’m being extremely mean by using such a tone with you, and it isn’t civil, but I’m really rather irritated at how you managed to write such a story (for a Challenge, no less) and send it in for review! There’re no commandments for writing a good of bad story, but if there were, you would have probably flipped them all. For a start, you were trying to squeeze too much into a single, one-shot story. Number two, there’re a bunch of clichés in there that would have had been terribly easy to spot out. Number three, and most importantly, there’s a crowd (and I really mean a large crowd) of details in there that’s not even necessary.

What’s with the start and Hebe being this poor, desolate girl? What’s with Hebe witnessing the murder then becoming tensed up? What’s with Danson suddenly realising he was head over heels in love with Hebe? At the end of the whole fic, it’s not just inadequacy that I feel, it’s a sense that your logic doesn’t even stack up, and doesn’t even make sense.

And the thing that really cost you. This is a Challenge fic. The purpose of a Challenge is to write according to your given title, something which I really didn’t see happening right here. Granted, you wrote about Hebe flying a paper aeroplane to Danson, but that was about it. The title became another unnecessary detail in the plot, and your relevance of story to title just fell apart.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
This isn’t bad. :) I caught a couple of grammatical mistakes here and there, as well as spelling errors in the fic, but I don’t think it’s of much consequence here. Just keep an eye on the tone you’re using for your characters, keep it casual formal instead of colloquial. And one more thing, refrain from the strange expressions you tend to use: “all the students ran out of the class like bullets”. It’s strangely phrased and out of place, so watch it.

Flow of Story: 3/10
This occurred too quickly for me. It’s a one-shot, so treat it like a one-shot and don’t try to cram all the strange details in. The whole piece of writing becomes a piece that’s particularly shapeless in style, because there’s no characterisation, no viable storyline that’s interesting, and it turns into a mess of events that doesn’t appeal.

If I wanted narration of events, I’d read a history textbook. Fics are meant to entertain.

Writing Style: 3.5/5
Well, not much of an issue here, except for the fact that the problems really get to me after a while. The style is consistent, though, so that’s not really a problem. Everything just kind of zoomed past in a flash.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 0/15
This plot is overused. Really. ‘Nuff said.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/10
I really didn’t enjoy this at all simply because of the fact that I felt no form of sincerity coming from it. I know you’re probably going to tell me that you’ve put effort into writing this, but no, I don’t feel it at all. Instead, I have on my hands a piece of writing that resembles a story, but it’s not really a story because of the lack of details that it has, and the lack of a proper storyline.

This title in the Challenge gave you a lot of room for character development and story ideas. Instead, you chose to ignore the title and the potential served up to you in the face, and write something that doesn’t suit it. AND on top of that, is extremely clichéd. I don’t like this one bit.

I’d suggest… Write something that you’d be proud of. Really. You shouldn’t be proud of this one.

Bonus marks: 0/5
None for linking back to MT, replying your readers and X-factor. :(

Total mark: 21.5/80 ≈ 27/100

Additional Comments: Once again, I don’t have a terribly habit of giving out bad reviews, and I try to push marks up if the fic appears to me as sincere and earnest (look at some of my previous reviews). If you’re flippant, I don’t see why I have to be nice about it, and there you go.

In all honesty, yes, I’m a little irritated that I have to review this, because well, I just don’t like to waste my time on something that’s barely worth that time. I know you’ve read my fics, and I see you around a lot, so I really mean to be honest with this review.

So… I’m hoping this doesn’t deter you from continuing to write, and I guess… Only if you write can you improve.

Here’s wishing you the best of luck.

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

Loving You….

Title: Loving You….
Author: maira
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/maira/
Reviewed By: Keleos

First Impressions
Title: 6/10
I genuinely wish that you didn’t come about with the word “love” in your title, because it spoils the surprise that is supposed to come about along with it. Even if you had to use the title, then the ellipses at the back are really unnecessary. I associate those with either (a) thought processes, which doesn’t apply in your title (I mean, you won’t need to think if you love someone, right?), or (b) insecurity, which you won’t want to show in your title! Overall though, it’s pretty effectual.

And as a sidenote, marks were given for the fact that you actually bothered to capitalise both letters.

Poster and Background: 6/10
I wasn’t terribly impressed with the art of this fic. I’m sorry to say (and I know that I’m talking to SarangHae, who makes brilliant posters, by the way) that the poster looks a bit cluttered. I’m not really sure what you’re planning on conveying by the means of this poster, but I keep having the nagging thought at the back of my brain that tells me this is a tad overdone. I’m no artist, but as a reviewer, one central picture (since you only have one central plot idea), is really more than sufficient. Nice burst of colour, though, love it.

Background wise, I would have liked some colour, but seeing your poster… I think it would have had been better if you injected an off white or something still, because white grates on the eye.

Foreword: 7/10
Well done on the foreword. I like how you managed to write it as a real foreword, a real entry into the story. Rarely do I see that, and you managed it, so good job.

BUT. There’s a major problem with your foreword that becomes a major problem for me with I read the fic: the lack of a proper introduction of your cast. I don’t need listing to tell me how old they are and what they’re like, but I need at least a cast list. I promise you, this became a major issue for me throughout the fic, because most of the time, I was trying to figure out who was who.

Upon closer examination…
Cast Used: 0/5
I’m afraid I’d have to fail you miserably for this because I have no idea who your casts are. By the time chapter one was over, I was thoroughly, entirely confused, and I have no idea who was who and what was what.

The main concern of the fic should be the storyline. If the main concern here is… Who’s who? Then there’s something seriously wrong with the fic.

Story and Plotting: 9/15
The marks aren’t really off for the story, because I think the story is alright. It isn’t fresh, or new, but that’s for the Creativity section to discuss. I think story wise, the storyline is clear, and you know what you’re talking about, so… I won’t fault on that. And as an added mention, I really like how you managed to keep the tone of the story very, very earnest. Really.

Marks are off for plotting. You knew what you were talking about, but I think only you knew. I was fretting over how to write this review, because it started promisingly with a great foreword, then melted down into a strange Chapter 1. Honestly, Chapter 1 was really a big problem. The fact that you didn’t introduce your cast gave me a major hurdle to cross simply because I had no idea what you were talking about in Chapter 1. REALLY no idea. In fact, I skipped most of Chapter 1 and hopped on to 2, hoping in’ll improve.

Thank God it did.

Language: Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Language is really not a problem here, save for some grammar here and there. The main issue with me here was actually the punctuation. I believe some of them were slip ups, but there were a few: “ Yes Mr Yan, do you need something?,” That’s a prime example of a common mistake throughout the fic. Run it through Word next time, and maybe you’d be able to correct it. :) Watch the tenses too. Decide on whether you want a past or present tense, then work at it through the rest of your fic. There’re alternating changes of tenses, and it throws the reader off a bit.

Flow of Story: 6/10
In general, I think it was alright. Flow worked well when you were narrating, but I felt that at certain points, it was a little awkward. Take the example of the Danson bet. It occurred so quickly that I wasn’t even sure whether that was necessary. Coupled with the fact that I don’t even know who Danson is (not really, at least. He looked like he just popped out of nowhere.), I think it dissolved into a sort of mess after a while. Flow was a little inconsistent. You weren’t quite sure when to make things faster or slower, and when to put in what, resulting in a lot of content, but very little elaboration.

Writing Style: 5/5
Full marks for writing style because you managed to provide a consistent style that stayed throughout the piece. Not to mention the fact that you gave the whole fic a very high school feel; a very American high school feel, and with the poster, it provided a very Autumn effect, for some reason.

I think you found your voice on the style, and I was wishing you continued along that voice for the rest of the sections.

Overall feel…
Originality & Creativity: 6/15
Apologies, sincerely, because I need to fail you in this section. The plot is clichéd. First, Danson’s bet was really something that’s a little too overused. Next, the fact that well, Elida began to fall for Arron, and vice versa is really something that’s terribly done to death! You used an original character, so you could have worked that to your advantage and put Elida forth as a real person, instead of a idol drama lookalike. But you didn’t work that advantage, and as time went by (I know, there’s only 5 chapters), Elida became something really bland and really boring.

As for the rest of the friends Elida has (I can’t organise my brain to remember their names, showing how terrible the characterisation was), I was hoping you’d work them to have personalities, instead of just extras. The way you’ve written them makes me wonder why so many were necessary, and whether they are meant to be just wall paper.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
There’s nothing really terribly special about the fic, and it makes at best, casual reading. I enjoyed this simply because I found it very endearing, very… Sincere and earnest, just the way fics are supposed to be. It was an honest effort, even if the writing did not really rock, the whole feel of the story made it stand out amongst the fics that write for the sake of writing.

Good work.

Bonus marks: 2/5
For replying your readers.

Total mark: 60/100

Additional Comments: Well, congrats on the result. Don’t feel disheartened, just know that even though the result isn’t stunning (it’s average, by my standards), it’s really something that you’ve earned with every word you’ve written. It’s really a good change from the silly fics you see out there sometimes, and if you’ve used your heart to write something, don’t worry, the reviewer can feel it too. :)

Reviewed by Keleos@midnight-tree.co.nr

Vampire Admiration

Title: Vampire Admiration

Author: by Yvonne and Miyuki

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/atc

Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 8.5/10

Lovely Title.. It attracts my attention when I first see it.. Nice one.. But I don’t get the Admiration part for the title.. However, I do see the Vampire part coming..

Poster & Background = 10/10

I find the poster dark yet lovely in it’s own way .. Pretty match the theme of the story.. :)

Foreword = 4.5/10

A pretty short intro of the story.. Letting the reader read on a little part of story does interest them a little.. Yet, For this case.. I found the part of paragraph a little confusing to read.. It was like you are trying to say something out from it, yet I seem like catching no ball what you really want to say.. Plus, it’s always good to sort of have a little intro of the cast of the story to made the reader wanting to read on how to cast being shape on in the story.. I don’t mean you foreword is not good.. I mean you need to be more direct in whatever you want to say out.. Not letting the reader gone into confusion about what the story is really about.. I’m sorry to fail you in this part because I feel that you can made a better foreword then this one to made the story more interesting and better.. :)

Cast = 3.5/5

I think that Fahrenheit and S.H.E are commonly used .. But don’t worry.. I can see your effort in shaping up the character in the story.. :)

Originality & Creativity = 12.5 /15

First of all.. Good job in making the story pretty unique from others stories out in winglin.. It does certainly really attract one’s attention for the different kind of creative-ness and originality the story is.. The mystery yet comedy made the story stand out on it’s on.. Great job.. I believe I haven’t seen much similar type of creative-ness like this story.. Yet.. I believe your story can improve more on the mystery and suspense of vampire and murders.. Making it more stand out on it’s own..

Plot = 12.5/15

I certainly like very much how you come up with a unique and yet lovely plot like this.. The mystery and suspense in the story made me wanting to read on the story very much.. Yet.. I think you should made effort of letting your unique-ness of your stands more out.. Like for the vampire part, I do hope to see something more unexpected coming out instead of those predictable stuff a normal vampire story holds.. I really adore very much of your story unique-ness.. SO I do hope it will be more stands out in the near future when you continue to update and complete the story.. Just a penny of mine thoughts.. Hope you are not offended..

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 8.5/10

Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 7.5/10

The story was smooth.. I like how it goes.. Good job.. The idea was well manage and organize in the story.. :) Good Job.. :) Yet.. Sometimes your sentence can be a little long-winded in the sense that, I can get what you want to say yet it seem a little choppy in someway.. Improve on it and I believe you can produce a much better story this way..

Writing Style: 3.5/5

I like the way you write your story.. Clean and clear.. Easy to follow.. Good job.. :) Yet, what I mention in the flow of the story.. cut off those choppy and long sentence.. Breaks long sentence into shorter and more easy to read on..


Overall enjoyment = 7.5/10

I certainly enjoy very much about this story.. The mystery and suspense made me wanting to read on to find out what will happen next.. Yet.. As this story is still un-complete, so I can’t really mark much on this part.. Sent in again your story when it’s complete for a better view on this part.. :)

Bonus Mark: 3/5

For your effort on some making it unique and stands out in it’s own way.. :)

Total: 81.5

Additional Comment: Your story is good and nice.. Continue to work hard on it and I believe a better story can be written out by you.. Just remember to be lessen your choppy and long-winded sentence and break them up into simple and clear sentence.. :)

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr

Where Does The Rainbow End

Title: Where Does The Rainbow End
Author: by Miyuki
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/miyuki2/
Reviewed by: Lamer_

Title = 8.5/10

Since it’s an challenge title.. I won’t comment much on it.. :) But it’s nice and lovely.. :P

Poster & Background = --/10

I won’t mark on this because I believe every story should have a lovely poster.. You can go request it on those poster making site.. :)

Foreword = 7.5/10

A short intro of the cast and a little peek on the story.. It interest me to read on to find out what will happen next.. :) So good job.. :)

Cast = 3.5/5

I think that Fahrenheit and S.H.E overly use.. But don’t worry.. I can see your effort in shaping up the character in the story.. :)

Originality & Creativity = 9.5 /15

Well.. Your story is just about to start.. SO I couldn’t comment much on this.. But.. Until what you update so far.. I couldn’t see much original or creative-ness in it.. so I couldn’t give you much mark on this part.. But I like that part on Charlene dreaming becoming a ‘mother’ of Hebe.. It’s certainly cute..

Plot = 10/15
Pretty common plot until what you update.. Yet there are parts I like it very much.. Cute and lovely in it own ways.. :)

Language (Spelling & Grammar) = 8.5/10

Not bad.. Hardly found any.. Only some small ones.. But overall it’s good.. :)

Flow Of The Story: 8.5/10


The story was smooth.. I like how it goes.. Good job.. The idea was well manage and organise in the story.. :) Good Job.. :)

Writing Style: 4/5

I like the way you write your story.. Clean and clear.. Easy to follow.. Good job.. :)


Overall enjoyment = 8/10

I really enjoy very much at some part where it’s cute and lovely.. But certain part of the story are a little draggy.. But overall it's still a lovely story.. :) Couldn't say much as the story ain't finish yet, so do sent in for another round of review when you complete it..

Bonus Mark: 3/5

For your effort on making some lovely and cute parts.. :)

Total: 71

Additional Comment: Your story are cute and lovely.. Continue to update it. Jia You and good luck.. :)

Reviewed By Lamer_@Midnight-tree.co.nr

The Art of Photography

Title: The Art of Photography
Author: Felichan
URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/mizzwangleehom
Reviewed By: Lovie

Title: 6/10

Honestly speaking, I really like this title. It seems so interesting! I could imagine all the snaps going around! However, to my disappointment, after I have finished reading your fanfic, I realized that isn’t really a link between photography and the story except for the last part. That’s where four marks are gone.

Nevertheless, I would encourage you to use such interesting titles in future! =D

Poster & Background: 3/10

Truthfully speaking, this poster isn’t really effective. What do I mean by that? It means that it fails to capture the readers’ attention because it looks messy with some poor quality images. It seems as though the pictures are “forced” to “blended” together. Moreover, I can’t feel the specific mood you’re trying to convey across to me. Thus, the outcome isn’t really effective. My suggestion to you would be requesting one from graphics requesting sites. You can specify mood and colours etc to suit you fanfic. But, nevertheless, I still award you three marks for the good efforts in trying to make this poster. There is room for improvement. =)

Foreword: 4/10

The forewords you have here is quite alright with me but there is certainly room for improvement. I like the character introduction, where you introduce the contrast in characters. However, when it comes to a small prelude of the story, it seems to fail to catch the readers’ attention. Or, to put it simply, it’s too really too simple and plain. Plain, normal school life. Perhaps, you could add a little climax right at the introduction of the story. This would probably interest the readers more. Alright? =]

Cast Used: 4/5

Personally, I like the inclusion of fictional characters in a story. Well done. Keep it up! :)

Originality & Creativity: 6/15

I’m sorry but I really have to mark you down in this criterion. The whole plot is just plain and normal. It can easily be found in abundance in serial dramas. It would certainly be better if you can include some climaxes!

Hey, I like the chapter: Meow! It was really cute! I love it very much! Hahas. *winks*

Story&Plotting: 9/15

The plotting of the story is quite alright. Generally, the story flowed smoothly. The organization of ideas is clear too. :]

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 6/10

Generally, your grammar is fine. As for your spelling, certainly, there is room for improvement because I spotted some mistakes. This can be precluded if you make a little more effort to check it before posting it up. =)

Other than grammar and spelling, I have some other suggestions on language for you.

Personally, I think that you should try to make full use of punctuations to smoothen the flow of your story. I think you made quite a few serious mistakes in sentence structure. For example, “Note: Felisha im sory u found out dis way but we didn’t want 2 wait until something happened we wanted 2 b 2gether and we wanted 2 tell u and u no u would always b the first one I would tell but we didn’t want 2 hurt any1 we were going 2 tell u as soon as u got over him please forgive me and him and I hope we can b friends again
♡ Loan”.
Basically, you’re just typing all you want to convey without full stops or even coma. If you add in punctuations, readers can then make out what you’re trying to say here. Perhaps, it could be written this way, “Note: Felisha, I’m sorry. I know you have found out. Actually, we didn’t want thing to turn out this way. We didn’t want to hurt anyone, so we planned to tell you only after you have gotten over him. Please forgive us. I hope we can be friends again.
There are others like “From that day on they became good friends and Loan no longer was mean to GD” and “Loan: [his face is sooo soft and cute………OMG what am I saying Felisha likes him I can’t…..STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!!!!]”.

Also, you can improve on your expression. Sometimes, they don’t quite make sense. For example, “I’m talking with G-Dragon.” Perhaps, you can rephrase it to be “I’m talking to G-Dragon” or “I’m having a talk with G-dragon now”.
Last but not least, I would like to discourage you from using profanity and short forms or sms language. For example, “MissyBigBang: y did u decide 2 tell me??” and “MissyBigBang: ok well I g2g soo ttyl”. Sometimes, they don’t make sense when the readers didn’t get what you’re trying to say. As for profanity, I would suggest that you use some other words to replace them because readers might feel uncomfortable if you use them.
Work harder! =D



Flow Of Story: 7.5/10

The flow of story is quite smooth. However, there are some boring parts where I find them superfluous. You might want to improve on that. =]

Writing Style: 3/5
In general, as I can see, you’re writing your story in a script-writing style. I’m quite alright with this style but I thought it lacks of the potential to interest readers. What do I mean by that? It means that they are just plain words. No life is added to it. For example, “=Loan blushes=”. This what a scriptwriter would write. This is perfect fine if this si a script because script is meant to be acted out by actors. Thus, feelings and emotions could be seen and felt vividly. However, when it comes to reading, it seems to be plain, English words. And, nothing else. Readers may loes interest in your story. to improve, you can start by describing the story instead of telling the story. for example, you can rewrite it to be “A light shade of pink crept up her cheeks.”
Alright? Work harder!

Overall Enjoyment: 6.5/10

This can be an interesting leisure read. :)

Bonus marks: 2.5/5

Total mark: 55/100

Additional comments: Really sorry for the late review! I hope you will like this anyway. If you have anything to ask me, feel free to contact me via email or Midnight Tree tagboard. Last but not least, I wish you good luck and all the best to your fanfic in future! :DD

reviewed by(Lovie)@midnight-tree.co.nr