Title: The person I can't LOVE
Author: xIaojO7
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/xIaojO7/
Review By: Keleos
Beware: This is not a good review. It really isn’t. Read at your own discretion.
First Impressions
Title ~ 3/10
I’m not really sure how long ago this started and how far back this was completed. But what I do know is that I’ve stumbled across this fic more than a couple of times (while searching for… ahem. LeeHom fics, no less, ahaha), and each time I told myself to give it a chance, each time I was foiled by the entire outlook of the story.
The title, in this case, spells a plain, boring love story that’s typical of Taiwanese dramas. There’s nothing much to say, because I started off the story knowing that there were parts that I could fast forward. There’s no point in a good story without the title being eye-catching at all. Moreover, this isn’t simply a forgettable title, but also one that it… well, not effective at all, seeing that (yes, I read the ending after reading three chapters of your story) there is a happy ending after all. Which doesn’t explain the “can’t LOVE” part in the title at all.
Overall, a strange choice of title. Non—effective, clichéd and entirely forgettable.
Poster & background ~ 6/10
I won’t say much, since my eye for art is basically limited to overall mood and colour and abstract shapes. But the pink gets disturbing after a while. I’d like to give you points for choosing such an eclectic colour (it’s different), and the fact that the colour of the background and well, the fic, was the thing the clinched it for me, since I actually remembered this fic as “the pink one”. Then again, pink grates on the eye after a couple of chapters, so maybe… you’d like to reconsider the colour combination in your future fics.
Foreword ~ 4/10
Sigh. I suspect you know what I’m about to say. I imagine each fanfic as a potential movie, so I really don’t believe in forewords being too long to start with. Which is exactly what this one did, so judos on the entire “movie trailer” effect. The thing is… I can’t really concentrate on what is going to happen in your entire story because the foreword is just written entirely in bad English. That’s the first thing. Secondly, it’s vague. I can’t say that I’m an expert in writing excellent forewords, but I can say that the forewords are meant to draw readers to continue reading the story, which is exactly what your foreword did not do for me.
Upon closer examination…
Plot ~ 4/15
Firstly, I’d like to say that this is clichéd. I know that I’ve been saying this in a lot of review, but why is it some score higher than others even if the plot is pointing in that direction? First, admittedly, it’s the language. Number two, and more importantly, it’s what happens in the course of the story that prevents it from falling into the normal template of things. Three, it’s the emotional aspect of the plot and whether each character falls into that or not.
I’d like to say that this fic has none of the three.
Language will be further elaborated upon below, so it’s the latter two that will be discussed here. Yes, this is clichéd, and the thing about clichéd storylines are the fact that they score highly on the emotional plot, and the descriptions of feelings within a single character. This is NOT exemplified by the use of tears, but how a character reacts in a difficult situation. Which is, if I may elaborate further, brought out by the use of characterisation and the words describing the inner state of mind of these characters. The thing is, you started out without any form of description at all of the inner state of mind, nor was there any proper character development. So the entire emotional plot that would allow a fic like this to score highly is entirely obliterated.
Secondly, this falls into the normalcy of not being realistic at all (oxymoron, haha). It’s just a pretty fairytale format that is not believable, not realistic. I would have understood if all the characters were more of less perfect if this was a spy fic (a.k.a. James Bond-ish) or one that was told from the first person point of view (because ‘I’ am always perfect). But this was a narrative, and to have all the perfect dudes and dudettes is simply not very realistic at all.
Cast used ~ 3/5
Once again, another Chun and Ella fic, with parts of Hebe and Arron. That’s a pretty typical pairing, and since, well, all the couples are cute, I won’t say much about it. I’m slightly thrown off by the lack of dynamics between each character, because they all seem rather one-dimensional in their various approaches. The truth is, if we replace Hebe with Ella here or Arron with Chun, or even (heck!) Ella with Arron, the effect would still be the same, because all your characters have seemingly similar, to the point of being identical personalities! Lack of character spoils the stellar cast for you.
Language (Spelling and Grammar) ~ 2/10
I believe I’ve mentioned errors in my previous review to you already, and I won’t repeat them again, because they are basically the same errors. Two things more to highlight here, though. Firstly, not strictly a problem, but since his name is more widely accepted as “Arron” instead of “Aaron”, there was a little confusion there. But no major problems. Secondly, the Singaporean-ism of the whole story really, really gets me in this fic. Every single conversation line has some sort of colloquial slang in it, and it becomes more prominent than the storyline itself. Not that I’m anti-Singaporean (because I am one myself), but this is a piece of writing, it’s a piece of written literature, and everything has to have a proper syntax and proper tone as well. I assure you, in all normalcy I speak like you characters as well, but when writing, well, that’s an entirely different story. We’ve got to pay attention to that.
Two marks go to the fact that it is still understandable.
Reader friendly ~ 5/5
Good, as always, responding to all queries and acknowledging all involved parties. J
Overall feel… So far.
Author: xIaojO7
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/xIaojO7/
Review By: Keleos
Beware: This is not a good review. It really isn’t. Read at your own discretion.
First Impressions
Title ~ 3/10
I’m not really sure how long ago this started and how far back this was completed. But what I do know is that I’ve stumbled across this fic more than a couple of times (while searching for… ahem. LeeHom fics, no less, ahaha), and each time I told myself to give it a chance, each time I was foiled by the entire outlook of the story.
The title, in this case, spells a plain, boring love story that’s typical of Taiwanese dramas. There’s nothing much to say, because I started off the story knowing that there were parts that I could fast forward. There’s no point in a good story without the title being eye-catching at all. Moreover, this isn’t simply a forgettable title, but also one that it… well, not effective at all, seeing that (yes, I read the ending after reading three chapters of your story) there is a happy ending after all. Which doesn’t explain the “can’t LOVE” part in the title at all.
Overall, a strange choice of title. Non—effective, clichéd and entirely forgettable.
Poster & background ~ 6/10
I won’t say much, since my eye for art is basically limited to overall mood and colour and abstract shapes. But the pink gets disturbing after a while. I’d like to give you points for choosing such an eclectic colour (it’s different), and the fact that the colour of the background and well, the fic, was the thing the clinched it for me, since I actually remembered this fic as “the pink one”. Then again, pink grates on the eye after a couple of chapters, so maybe… you’d like to reconsider the colour combination in your future fics.
Foreword ~ 4/10
Sigh. I suspect you know what I’m about to say. I imagine each fanfic as a potential movie, so I really don’t believe in forewords being too long to start with. Which is exactly what this one did, so judos on the entire “movie trailer” effect. The thing is… I can’t really concentrate on what is going to happen in your entire story because the foreword is just written entirely in bad English. That’s the first thing. Secondly, it’s vague. I can’t say that I’m an expert in writing excellent forewords, but I can say that the forewords are meant to draw readers to continue reading the story, which is exactly what your foreword did not do for me.
Upon closer examination…
Plot ~ 4/15
Firstly, I’d like to say that this is clichéd. I know that I’ve been saying this in a lot of review, but why is it some score higher than others even if the plot is pointing in that direction? First, admittedly, it’s the language. Number two, and more importantly, it’s what happens in the course of the story that prevents it from falling into the normal template of things. Three, it’s the emotional aspect of the plot and whether each character falls into that or not.
I’d like to say that this fic has none of the three.
Language will be further elaborated upon below, so it’s the latter two that will be discussed here. Yes, this is clichéd, and the thing about clichéd storylines are the fact that they score highly on the emotional plot, and the descriptions of feelings within a single character. This is NOT exemplified by the use of tears, but how a character reacts in a difficult situation. Which is, if I may elaborate further, brought out by the use of characterisation and the words describing the inner state of mind of these characters. The thing is, you started out without any form of description at all of the inner state of mind, nor was there any proper character development. So the entire emotional plot that would allow a fic like this to score highly is entirely obliterated.
Secondly, this falls into the normalcy of not being realistic at all (oxymoron, haha). It’s just a pretty fairytale format that is not believable, not realistic. I would have understood if all the characters were more of less perfect if this was a spy fic (a.k.a. James Bond-ish) or one that was told from the first person point of view (because ‘I’ am always perfect). But this was a narrative, and to have all the perfect dudes and dudettes is simply not very realistic at all.
Cast used ~ 3/5
Once again, another Chun and Ella fic, with parts of Hebe and Arron. That’s a pretty typical pairing, and since, well, all the couples are cute, I won’t say much about it. I’m slightly thrown off by the lack of dynamics between each character, because they all seem rather one-dimensional in their various approaches. The truth is, if we replace Hebe with Ella here or Arron with Chun, or even (heck!) Ella with Arron, the effect would still be the same, because all your characters have seemingly similar, to the point of being identical personalities! Lack of character spoils the stellar cast for you.
Language (Spelling and Grammar) ~ 2/10
I believe I’ve mentioned errors in my previous review to you already, and I won’t repeat them again, because they are basically the same errors. Two things more to highlight here, though. Firstly, not strictly a problem, but since his name is more widely accepted as “Arron” instead of “Aaron”, there was a little confusion there. But no major problems. Secondly, the Singaporean-ism of the whole story really, really gets me in this fic. Every single conversation line has some sort of colloquial slang in it, and it becomes more prominent than the storyline itself. Not that I’m anti-Singaporean (because I am one myself), but this is a piece of writing, it’s a piece of written literature, and everything has to have a proper syntax and proper tone as well. I assure you, in all normalcy I speak like you characters as well, but when writing, well, that’s an entirely different story. We’ve got to pay attention to that.
Two marks go to the fact that it is still understandable.
Reader friendly ~ 5/5
Good, as always, responding to all queries and acknowledging all involved parties. J
Overall feel… So far.
Originality & Creativity~ 5/15
This really lacks creativity and originality to the point that it can pass off as a real life Fahrenheit or S.H.E. MV or idol drama. It wouldn’t have been that bad if the language of this piece were more descriptive and emotional, but it wasn’t, and the whole piece just degenerates into a messy, immensely uncreative storyline that is utterly predictable what would happen right at the end.
I could practically read two chapters in front, the two chapters at the back with one in the middle, and still figure out by the close of the story what had happened in the course of it. That was how much of a ‘template’ it was. Not good.
Overall enjoyment ~ 7/20
This wasn’t enjoyable at all, trust me. In enjoyable, I was looking for the extra spark and wit, the X-factor that would make an A fic A++. But this doesn’t even hit the basic requirements of being something that is near to readable. So, it really doesn’t do well on this section, a pretty painful blow to the entire review, since this section is so high in point weightage.
Bonus mark!
Linking back to us: 0/3
Total: 39/100
Additional Remarks (If you have any): I’m not one to constantly give bad reviews with regard to fics, but I’m not one who would give tokenistic good reviews even if I did not enjoy the fic. Nevertheless, I’d like to say that this is my personal opinion, and there might be others out there (judging from your comment responses) that appreciate your fic. It’s really quite relative. Thing is, I know that you’re a colleague on the Midnight Tree, and I really hope you don’t take offence at what (I feel) is an objective and honest appraisal of this piece of work. Just… keep writing. I’m hoping to read more from you again. J
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